Hello Dear Readers. It seems the cold, cruel calendar ushered in the Fourth of July this morning before I even got out of bed! The calendar is such a tyrant.
Which brings us to another kind of tyranny (albeit in an ineptly worded segue). One that we Americans had foisted upon us on the Fourth of July 200- odd years ago by the British Empire — resulting in the Declaration of Independence!
I’d look up exactly how many years ago it was, but I think google’s closed today. . . okay, okay I’ll try . . .
Atrocities the British Empire inflicted on the American Colonists that resulted in the Declaration of Independence
(Turns out Google is open but judging from the following answers, it’s got the temps working):
The British Empire kept messing with the price of crumpets causing the colonists all kinds of unpleasant menu-planning issues.
“No I like them, they’re a wonderful tuber. It’s just that I’m going to have to hold off on the potato trading until I can ascertain what the crumpet situation going to be. Sorry.”
The Colonists did not want to be bullied into memorizing a list of all of England’s past kings in American public schools.
If the Colonists hadn’t declared their independence, they would have had to wake up from their siestas early (see Spanish-American War) for tea time (see Atrocities of the British Empire)
The Colonists had a premonition they weren’t going to appreciate the humor of Monty Python.
The Colonists picked up on the fact that the British Empire thought they wore lame clothes and were borderline dirty.
The British Empire imposed a tax on Nursery Rhymes which infuriated the colonists due to the fact that none of them even really rhyme.
American Colonists were vehemently opposed to using the word “row” instead of the word “fight” like the British Empire kept nagging them to do.
“Oh yeah, you want to row about it?”
“You mean do I want to fight about it.”
“Uh . . it’s called row, not fight.”
“Oh yeah? Well I hate you.”
“Well I hate you too.”
‘Let’s row about it.”
“You mean fight about it?”
“Shut up!”
“You shut up!”
Well, Dear Readers, that about does it for the Fourth of July post. I don’t know about you, but I’m already 4th-ed out!
Until next time . . . I love you
As a descendent of the colonists I can safely say I do not appreciate the humour of The Monty Pythobs but to keep the peace I spelled humor with an extra u.
You are a loyal subject, Jackie. Heck you’re even a loyal verb!! 😀
I have to tell you, just between you and me and the readers of your blog comments, this is second least favorite holiday. The fireworks make me feel all panicky. BOOM BOOM BOOM!
I’m not crazy about the fourth either. But now I must know what your number one least favorite holiday is Melissa! Or I’ll die of curiosity!
You won’t be surprised. It’s Christmas. For many, many reasons. : P So don’t die now! I can’t be held responsible!
Hahaha! Melissa. I hate Christmas as well. My favorite month is January because it’s the farthest away from Christmas! In fact, I really don’t like most holidays. I do like Thanksgiving though.
Thanksgiving is the best ever. : )
Ah see? Great minds think alike (and stomachs!) 😀
Things could have been so different if you’d all learnt to be subservient. I could have been the vice Queen of the kingdom of America by now (owing to my close friendship with The Queen – we go roller blading together) And that is vice as in second on command, not vice as in a sexually depraved ogliarch
And here I ws thinking it was a war over a fashion misunderstanding.
Redcoats indeed.
Haha! I think our guys didn’t want to have to wear The British Empire hosiery.
I AlwaysFeelBadForMyHusbandDuringJuly4ThBecauseHeIsABrit. I AlsoFeelBadForMyselfBecauseSomeoneDroppedmyPhoneInGatoradeLastNightAndItWon’tTypeThingsCorrectlyNow. SorryAboutThisComment. lol
Haha! Awkward! I never really thought about how a British person would feel celebrating the fourth! (you’ll have to post about that next year). Ouch! Hope you phone’s ok!
AnElephantCant help thinking
Or perhaps he can’t help having thought
The British Empire
Was really quite dire
But then AnElephant is a Francophile Scot
Haha!! LOL!!! And that’s my favorite kind of Scot of all!
LOLOL! The colonists had a premonition they wouldn’t appreciate Monty Python! And the British empire thought their clothes were borderline dirty! haha! Very funny, Linda. By the way, don’t think I didn’t see how you casually threw in the word, “tuber.” haha! Almost as good as Plantain!!
LOL!! Hi Lisa. Gosh it’s good to see your wonderful smiling face! I actually stole that word tuber from El Guapo. Who says you don’t learn anything over at Friday Foolishness? But I can just imagine the British turning their noses up at the colonists, literally! HA! 😀