British Empire Atrocities or Happy Fourth of July!

Hello Dear Readers.  It seems the cold, cruel calendar ushered in the Fourth of July this morning before I even got out of bed!  The calendar is such a tyrant.

Which  brings us to another kind of tyranny (albeit in an ineptly worded segue). One that we Americans had foisted upon us on the Fourth of July  200- odd years ago by the British Empire — resulting in the Declaration of Independence!

I’d look up exactly how many years ago it was,  but I think google’s closed today. . . okay, okay I’ll try . . .

Atrocities the British Empire inflicted on the American Colonists that resulted in the Declaration of Independence

(Turns out Google is open but judging from the following answers, it’s got the temps working):

The British Empire kept messing with the price of crumpets causing the colonists all kinds of unpleasant menu-planning issues.

Linda Vernon Humor Thanksgiving Pic on the Fourth of July
“You no like potatoes?”
“No I like them, they’re a wonderful tuber. It’s just that I’m going to have to hold off on the potato trading until I can ascertain what the crumpet situation going to be. Sorry.”

The Colonists did not want to be bullied into memorizing a list of all of England’s past kings in American public schools.

If the Colonists hadn’t declared their independence, they would have had to wake up from their siestas early (see Spanish-American War) for tea time (see Atrocities of the British Empire)

The Colonists had a premonition they weren’t going to appreciate the humor of Monty Python.

The Colonists picked up on the fact that the British Empire thought they wore lame clothes and were borderline dirty.

The British Empire imposed a tax on Nursery Rhymes which infuriated the colonists due to the fact that none of them even really rhyme.

American Colonists were vehemently opposed to using the word “row” instead of the word “fight” like the British Empire kept nagging them to do.

Fourth of July Essay Linda Vernon Humor
“Who never did him any harm but killed the mice in father’s barn?  I hate to break it to you, Redcoat, but harm and barn do not rhyme!”
“Oh yeah, you want to row about it?”
“You mean do I want to fight about it.”
“Uh . . it’s called row, not fight.”
“Oh yeah? Well I hate you.”
“Well I hate you too.”
‘Let’s row about it.”
“You mean fight about it?”
“Shut up!”
“You shut up!”


Well, Dear Readers, that about does it for the Fourth of July post.  I don’t know about you, but I’m already 4th-ed out!

Until next time . . . I love you

18 thoughts on “British Empire Atrocities or Happy Fourth of July!

  1. As a descendent of the colonists I can safely say I do not appreciate the humour of The Monty Pythobs but to keep the peace I spelled humor with an extra u.

  2. I have to tell you, just between you and me and the readers of your blog comments, this is second least favorite holiday. The fireworks make me feel all panicky. BOOM BOOM BOOM!

  3. Things could have been so different if you’d all learnt to be subservient. I could have been the vice Queen of the kingdom of America by now (owing to my close friendship with The Queen – we go roller blading together) And that is vice as in second on command, not vice as in a sexually depraved ogliarch

  4. I AlwaysFeelBadForMyHusbandDuringJuly4ThBecauseHeIsABrit. I AlsoFeelBadForMyselfBecauseSomeoneDroppedmyPhoneInGatoradeLastNightAndItWon’tTypeThingsCorrectlyNow. SorryAboutThisComment. lol

    • Haha! Awkward! I never really thought about how a British person would feel celebrating the fourth! (you’ll have to post about that next year). Ouch! Hope you phone’s ok!

  5. LOLOL! The colonists had a premonition they wouldn’t appreciate Monty Python! And the British empire thought their clothes were borderline dirty! haha! Very funny, Linda. By the way, don’t think I didn’t see how you casually threw in the word, “tuber.” haha! Almost as good as Plantain!!

    • LOL!! Hi Lisa. Gosh it’s good to see your wonderful smiling face! I actually stole that word tuber from El Guapo. Who says you don’t learn anything over at Friday Foolishness? But I can just imagine the British turning their noses up at the colonists, literally! HA! 😀

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