A Visit From the Toaster Reviewer Gal!

Welcome Dear Readers!  Today the Toaster Reviewer Gal was kind enough to drop by the blog and leave a copy of the cover letter she wrote for a Toaster Reviewer job she is hoping to get.  Let’s take a look at it, shall we?

Position Applied for:  Toaster Reviewer 

Dear Hiring Manager:

Your posting on LinkedIn for a Professional Toaster Reviewer recently caught my eyes, perked up my ears and blew my nose (jk).   I think you will find that I am an exceptional candidate for the position of Toaster Reviewer.

While I have been temporarily out of work for the last three years (don’t ask), I have still managed to stay on top of my game in the field of toaster reviewing.

You see, I currently own and operate a Hamilton Beach SmartToast Extra-Wide Slot 2 Slice Toaster with Tongs, upon which I keep my Toaster  Reviewing skills as sharp as a butter knife by making toast each morning and recording all my thoughts and feelings about my toasting adventures in my journal entitled,  “Scraping to Desired Lightness” (which is currently making the rounds at various publishing houses on the island of Guam, btw).

As an accomplished Toaster Reviewer, many of my reviews can be found on many high-level consumer review toaster websites such as:

Google Toast (www.googletoast.com)

So You’re Going to Have a Piece of Toast (www.soyou’regoingtohaveapieceoftoast.com)

Unplug the Smoke Detectors Kids!, Mommy’s Makin’ Toast! (www.goop.com).

But my accomplishments do not end there.  I also offer exceptional attention to detail and come to the position with my private list of some of the most powerful toaster-review adjectives in the Toaster-Reviewing industry today–which I have gleaned over the course of my career as an international Professional Toaster Reviewer Career Gal!

As a Professional Toaster Reviewer Career Gal, I have written these e-books, which are, unfortunately, only available on Amazon Guam, but still!

Toaster Book one


Toaster Gal Book two

Toaster book 3

My accomplishments and qualifications are further detailed in my hard copy resume which is on it’s way to you via the Guam postal service.  Please disregard the burned edges, frankly the Hamilton Beach SmartToast Extra-Wide Slot 2 Slice Toaster with Tongs, still has some bugs that need working out in my professional opinion as a Professional Toaster Reviewer Gal (see above).

In closing, I am as thrilled about being a part of your Professional Toaster Reviewer team as you must be at receiving this cover letter from me.  (That’s  a Haiku, btw!)

Please contact me at my earliest convenience, and I look forward to our mutual admiration.


Everybody’s Favorite Toaster Reviewer Gal!

And there you have it, Dear Readers, and I don’t know about you but I think she’s got a pretty good chance. Especially if there’s an opening in Guam!

Until next time  . . . I love you



13 thoughts on “A Visit From the Toaster Reviewer Gal!

  1. In today’s high powered, high pressure kitchen review environment, I think she needs more skills than just toast reviewing.
    How is she with microwaves? Can she write incisively about stoves?!? Is she competent to discuss all the door-front features of today’s higHLY COMPLEX REFRIGERATORS!?! (Including how to configure its wifi?) CAN SHE HANDLE THE SOUP?!?!?!?!?!?!(*)?!?!?!

    • LOL!! Yes to all of the above except for writing incisively about stoves. It’s the incisive factor that always throws her for a loop! And soup? Forget about it!

      Good to see you El Guapo!!!!

  2. Who knew that I could have contacted you to find out from a professional, just what the heck a person needs to do to make a wonderful piece of toast… by using all your mistakes as a guideline for what not to do… Diane

  3. Could she turn her skills to being an Agony Aunt for toastal problems?
    Dear Toaster Reviewer Gal, This isn’t really a toaster dilemma but the toast itself.
    My partner made me toast last night, but he does everything so slowly that he had let it go cold before buttering it so you never got any melted butter which pretty much eliminated any pleasure to be had from the toast.
    Should I leave him?

  4. Before I began reading this post, I dropped slices of bread into the two slots in the top of my head, and when I reached the part about the Guam postal service, instead of popping up like they usually do, they blew out my ears!! (They went quite a ways, but I was able to retrieve ’em and butter ’em before they got cold.)

    Your zany inventiveness knows no bounds, my dear Linda, and I don’t mind having blackened ears for Christmas, I really don’t– it’ll give me something in common with Santa… : )

    Great stuff, wishing you and 37.5 a veddy Merry Christmas!!

    • HA! I knew there was a reason whenever I gazed upon your picture that I always got hungry for toast, Mark!! This comment explains everything while at the same time enlightening me as to the actual color of Santa’s ears. Now who could ask for more? Hope you had a lovely Christmas!

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