Just when you think life has dulled itself down to a stub, the new Pottery Barn Catalog arrives! Talk about reigniting your passion for living!
Oh Goodie Goodie Gumdrops! Let us rub out collective hands together and start our Pottery Barn discussion with:
Clearly Pottery Barn is trying to get us to be a little more constructive in our spare time. To that end, PB has designed this (get a life) activity center. As you can see from the picture, Pottery Barn feels passionately that thread is the KEY FACTOR when it comes to any activity.
What is PB trying to say?
Perhaps The Potter Barn Activity Center is PB’s polite way of telling us that we need to get off our collective squishy bums and start actively LIVING LIFE before Father Time pokes us with a fork, we’re done.
As Dorothy Parker once said, “There will be plenty of time to do nothing once we’re dead.”
Therefore it is imperative that you buy yourself a Pottery Barn Activity Center right this very minute! Don’t just say, “Oh I’ll actively fiddle with thread tomorrow.” What if you don’t make it to tomorrow. Huh? Then what?
“Get Busy Livin’ or Get Busy Dyin” . . . You’re call.
PB wants to know how you would like being on your deathbed never having experienced the activities in their beautiful Activity Center. So stop wasting time and start flipping through that old Botany notebook ASAP, reread those old postcards, pronto! Don’t just sit there! Time’s a wastin’ — for heaven’s sakes at least PUT A CLAMP ON SOMETHING!
Yeah, The Pottery Barn Activity Center is $129. So What?
Pottery Barn is asking you nicely not to let the $129 price tag deter you from buying their super-duper-essential Pottery Barn Activity Center. If Pottery Barn has implored you once, they’ve implored you a thousand times not to nickel and dime yourself out of your one true chance at happiness.
Now, stop arguing and go get your purse or wallet and march yourself down to Pottery Barn . . . Ten Hut!
Oh . . . and since you’re going there anyway . . . PB wants to know if you’ve got 44 extra bucks lying around in, say, your garbage can?
If you answered yes, PB wants you to know they have devised a much more stylish way for you to throw away your money.
And that is by purchasing this One-of-a-Kind, Giant-Fork, Paper-Towel Holder:
The PB Catalog describes this item simply as a Cucina Paper Towel Holder hoping you won’t know what “Cucina” means and will be too lazy to look it up.
Pottery Barn is hoping you will assume “Cucina” means sustainable, recycled, eco-friendly, soy-based, dolphin-free materials hewn by a mystical enclave of Mastercrafters headquartered in a barn made of pottery deep in the secret sustainable forests that Pottery Barn and Pottery Barn only has dibs on.
TO RECAP: if tree falls in the sustainable forest? Back off! It belongs to Pottery Barn!
Oh, and a word of caution about the Cucina, Giant-Fork Paper Towel Holder. If Father Time happens to drop by– be sure to hide this paper towel holder quickly. He gets weird around forks.
Until next time . . . I love you (especially you, Pottery Barn!)
Linda Vernon Humor 
This is the funniest post you’ve ever written! I can’t stop laughing!!!! I especially love how stupid that Cucina is. The Jolly Sustainable Giant called and wants his fork back.
I hate pottery barn even more now. Especially since they’ve decided to sell an old drawer for $140 and call it an activity center. It’s like they hired a bunch of useless crap and are giving it big important sounding names. Like calling a janitor the Executive Engineer of Sustainable Human Fluids.
haha! You are so right! The Executive Engineer of Sustainable Human Fluids! I wonder what product Pottery Barn would come up with for that . . .
I love your posts about Pottery Barn! I always think that Pottery Barn is the uncreative person’s answer to decor. I enjoy the “get a life” Activity Center. As a person who does a lot of her own crafts and ‘activities,’ I always find organization systems like this one very unsubstantial. Seriously, look how little the activity center actually holds. When I have an ‘activity,’ it isn’t comprised of a backwards ampersand, a metal binder clip and 3 spools of thread… it’s a hearty mix of glue guns, threads AND needles, fabric and band-aids (I always have a few false starts). Keep these hilarious PB posts coming, Linda!
– Erin (Jackie’s embarrassing red-headed friend in SLO)
Ha! I heartily agree!