Slighty Creepy Seventies

Flipping Through The Slightly-Creepy Seventies

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  Today, if you’re not feeling a little nauseous already, I thought it might be fun to flip through this House Beautiful Magazine from everyone’s favorite icky decade:  The Slightly Creepy Seventies!

House Beautiful 1975
Isn’t this bedroom eye-crossingly wonderful? But it needs something more, don’t you think?  To really give it that Slightly Creepy Seventies flair? Like a focal point of some kind . . . 

But what kind of a focal point?  Hm. . . .

img228
Okay! That’s what the Slightly Creepy Seventies is talking about! Because there’s nothing like the addition of a weird, eerie male bedspread model to give any 70’s decor that much needed splash of slightly creepy!

Now let’s turn to the next page shall we?  Ready?  (I’ll wait if you want to pop a Pepto Bismal.)

Overly Cheerful Family Room slightly creepy seventies
Whoa! Obviously, the Slightly Creepy Seventies had the highest tolerance for decorative cheerfulness than all the other decades put together.

Now, this room is a good example of what happened back in the 70’s when your Slightly-Creepy Seventies Interior Decorator scarfed down a big bowl of yellow chrysanthemums and washed it down with a great big pitcher of ice-cold LSD for breakfast and then rushed over and redecorated your family room while in the throws of a cheerfulness overdose.

Actually, Cheerfulness Overdose was a common problem in the Slightly Creepy Seventies.  In fact, more interior decorators were buried with huge grins on their faces in the Slightly Creepy Seventies than any other decade in history!

So I guess you could say there’s an upside to everything.

Hey!  Look what awaits us on the next page . . . 

img232
  Yes, you’re seeing that correctly.  It’s a rocking chair on the beach. And why not?  After all, life in the Slightly Creepy Seventies was stranger than it’s ever been before or since.

And speaking of rocking chairs on the beach, I think I vaguely remember a Brady Bunch Episode involving a rocking chair/beach incident: I’ll try to retell it as best I can from memory:

Mike Brady: MarshaMarshaMarsha!  Peter! Greg! Cindy! and Whatever the rest of your names are!  We’ve driven 87 hours and we are finally at the beach!

MarshaMarshMarsha:  But Dad, we live somewhere in LA.  Why did it take us 87 hours to get here?  The Pacific Ocean is just down the street.

Mike Brady:  What? 

Carol Brady:  Oh Mike, you did it again. Hahahahahaha!  You turned left when you should have turned right!  Hahahahaha! We’re not at the Pacific Ocean, children, we’re at the Atlantic Ocean! Hahahahahaha!

Mike Brady:  Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Alice:  Hahahahahaha!  I’ll lug the rocking chair down to the beach while you Bradys wait in the car and laugh.

Carol Brady:  Hahahhahaha—

Alice:  Wait a minute!  Hold the landphone! The rocking chair’s not here!  Somebody forgot it!  I’m not one to point fingers but I think it was MarshaMarshaMarsha.

Mike Brady:  Well, kids, it looks like we’re turning around and driving 87 hours home to get it.  Hahahhahaha.

Carol Brady:  But wait Mike, you left MarshaMarshaMarsha at the Atlantic Ocean.

Mike Brady:  Hahahahhahahaha!

Carol Brady:  Hahahahahahaha!

Say now, this next item looks interesting. 

img235

Her name was Betty Knowles and she lost 4 pounds and 6 inches off her waist in only eight days back in the Slightly Creepy Seventies using this lever and pulley exercise contraption. Unfortunately, once  Betty got it all set up and herself situated inside of it, she could never figure out how to get out.   Eight days later Betty was not only  much, much slimmer, but also, she wasn’t wasting valuable time breathing or having a pulse anymore. Unfortunately she wasn’t found until last week about a quarter to five.

Sure, it was a sad Slightly Creepy Seventies demise for poor Betty Knowles, but the good news is she has been chosen as the main attraction at the Smithsonian Institute’s much anticipated upcoming exhibit:  Mummified Peoples of the Slightly Creepy Seventies.

Proving once again there’s an upside to everything!

Well, Dear Readers, that’s it for today.  If you need me I’ll be down at the Pacific Ocean.  I’ll be the one sitting in the rocking chair eating a big bowl of yellow chrysanthemums.

Until next time . . . I love you

Remodeling Slightly Creepy Seventies Style

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  Good News!  You are just in time for our Slightly Creepy Seventies Fix, where we look at pictures from the seventies that make us shudder and feel slightly sick to our stomachs because they are so weird and creepy.

It’s the kind of perverse pleasure only the Slightly Creepy Seventies can provide!

Today we’ll be making fun of this treasure from 1970:

Creepy Seventies commentary Linda Vernon Humor
Creepy and Weird Seventies Remodeling Book

“Well, honey, I like the new Seventies kitchen remodel, sure, but where will we put our books?”

Strange seventies remodeling ideas
“I’m so glad father made this bookshelf under the counter only accessible to six-year-olds . . . ah! Here it is, sis, that book I was telling you about, Atlas Shrugged.

Nothing epitomized a Seventies carefree childhood like a random ladder to nowhere.

Inexplicable 70's decor
“Come on Bobby! Climb up, it’s fun!”
“Shut up Robbie! You know people with peg legs can’t climb ladders.”

And no Seventies bathroom remodel worth it’s weight in Mr. T gold chains was complete without a primitive seventies tanning bed.

Seventies woman in distress tanning
“Honey! HELP!
“What’s the matter now?”
“I’m fused to the tanning bed!”
“Again?”

And of course, every Seventies remodel had to feature a pool made out of horrendous “bricks of the seventies!”

Seventies pool bricks
“Please go in swimming with me, Morris.”
“Forget about it, lady, cats hate to swim.”
“But we put in this pool just for you, Morris!”
“Cry me a river, Mrs. Schmuckerson.”

“How very Frank Lloyd Wrong of you, Dear!”

Hey honey! Look what I built while you were away at your plant-hanger macrame symposium! An outdoor brick stairway into the living room! And remember that placenta we saved from our last kid? I made that into a placenta floral arrangement for the coffee table! How do you like it honey? Honey where are you going?
I don't know . . . but I'm never coming back.
I don’t know . . . but I’m walking out of the Slightly Creepy Seventies and I’m never coming back.

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

Casual Friday Slightly-Creepy Seventies Style

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  Say, have you ever speculated what people would have worn to the office if they would have had casual Friday back  in the 1970’s?

I’m going out on a limb here, Dear Readers, and guess that the answer is no.   Well,  it’s high time we speculated then, don’t you think?  Let’s get started.

She’s Got Slightly-Creepy 70’s Spunk!

She's got spunk.
70’s Spunk-i-fied!

She’s got style! She’s got vision! She’s got more 70’s spunk than a barrel of Mary Tyler Moores!

This casual-Friday, slightly-creepy 70’s outfit really puts the sass in sassafras and proclaims to the world, “I’m beautiful, I’m optimistic and I’m wearing a yellow hat!

Even Lou Grant could  see that she has  “taking a nothing day and suddenly making it all seem worthwhile” written all over her!

Tie Dye For!

They were a head of their time.
They were carbon footprinting before anybody even had carbon feet!

Here’s a slightly-creepy seventies couple who obviously ride the bicycle they share to the beat of a different drummer!

You won’t find them jumping through their 1970’s boss’s demands! Their casual-Friday,  slightly-creepy 70’s outfits say,” What? You got a problem with our 1970’s counter-culture casual attire?  Screw you boss man!  We’ll jump on the Schwinn that we share and ride, ride, ride!  Away from the demands of “society” and its stupid “rules!”  And, rest assured, Boss Man,  the very second we learn to ride the bike that we share without trainings wheels? . . . Well it’s gonna be  Sayonara Suckers!”

Most Popular 70’s Casual-Friday Attire for the CIA

Meet
Excuse me . . . I think you’re hood is ringing

Daring to wear an outfit like this in today’s office setting might cause a few double takes, but back the slightly-creepy 70’s, this outfit would have been considered just plain boring!

Nobody but nobody would have given the  person wearing such an outfit a second glance.

The CIA knew that if one wanted to be inconspicuous against the back drop of the slightly-creepy 70’s office decor, this outfit fit the bill like none other! Which is why on any given day back in the slightly-creepy 70’s, anybody wearing an outfit like this was more than likely a CIA agent.

Driven to Slightly-Creepy 70’s Casual-Friday Distraction!

Linda Vernon Humor 70's attire
Tree leaningly beautiful!

Here’s a slightly-creepy 70’s, casual-Friday outfit that drove everyone in the 70’s office wild!  So much so that she was asked to go outside and lean up against a slightly-creepy 70’s tree.  

Today, you would find workers out there with her smoking cigarettes, but back in the slightly-creepy 70’s, everyone just smoked at their desks happily puffing and blowing smoke down the hall, around the corner and up the nostrils of their slightly-creepy 70’s boss.

The only people who were ever asked to “take it outside” were the slightly-creepy 70’s  fashionistas who went for broke, fashion-wise on slightly-creepy 70’s casual Friday.

And, of course, we can’t help but love them all  for it!

And there you have it, Dear Readers!  I hoped this answered your questions about . . . uh . . . well whatever the question was, I hope this answered it!

Until next time . . . I love you

Slightly-Creepy-Seventies Jello

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies , , , , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  Let’s see what we can learn about the Slightly-Creepy Seventies through the pages of this 1972  Slightly-Creepy Seventies Jello recipe book:

Here it is! 99 cents worth of slightly-creepy seventies Jello recipes!Here it is! 99 cents worth of Slightly-Creepy Seventies Jello recipes!

Yes there’s always room for Jello, but only if it matches something:

Linda Vernon Humor Slightly Creepy Seventies Jello“No, it won’t taste very good , Little Joshie, because it’s Jello.  But I will get it to match the wallpaper. I must!”

Here’s a slightly creepy-seventies woman who was clearly the Martha Stewart Forerunner of the Slightly-Creepy Seventies.   Notice how the Jello she is preparing with her little pretend son, exactly matches the wallpaper in the background.

The real Martha Stewart was probably hiding in the closet with her Jello butcher knife (from a Jello mold she made herself) and, right after this picture was taken, bound and gagged the Slightly-Creepy-Seventies Martha Stewart Forerunner and locked her in the closet.

I bet if we were to look in that closet today, we’d find Slightly-Creepy- Seventies Martha Stewart Forerunner still in the closet, mummified sure, but still there nevertheless.

 

Ding Dong! It’s Slightly-Creepy Seventies  Party Time!

Slighly Creepy Seventies Jello, Linda Vernon Humor“We were asked to bring dessert so naturally, since this is the Slightly-Creepy Seventies, we brought Jello!”

I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you, Dear Readers, that in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies, this is the kind of people who showed up on your doorstep to party.

And, it will also come as no surprise to you that if you asked someone to bring “The Dessert” in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies,  it meant that instead of bringing a decadent, seven-layer Bavarian Chocolate Cake, they would bring, instead,  a big ol’  bowl of Jello!

You’ve got to give this lady kudos, however, for rummaging around long enough to find something she could  add to her Jello dessert to ensure that it would match her outfit.

So what if she had to add a little of her husband’s black shoe polish?  Who cares?  Nobody’s going to eat any of it anyway because even if it is the Slightly Creepy Seventies, it’s still Jello.

It’s quarter to 3 and no one’s in the place except you and me and Jello.  Oh and her — whoever she is.

Slightly Creepy Seventies Jello Linda Vernon HumorThe same Sightly-Creepy Seventies party later that night.

As you can see,  even though the lady who brought the Jello has ditched her husband to flirt with a ski instructor (who just happened to bring his skis to the party), the hostess has turned down the lighting so no one will notice that her dress only matches one plate and zero Jello desserts.

Don’t worry, even though she’s probably planning to chug that bottle of wine she’s holding, she’s only a tad bit suicidal.  But then again who wasn’t in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies?  

Slightly Creepy Seventies Hip Intellectuals gathered to eat Jello!

slightly creepy seventies Jello, Linda vernon humorHere’s a group of Slightly-Creepy-Seventies intellectuals discussing Slightly-Creepy-Seventies issues such as atomized individualism, the Viet Nam war, and the efficacy of determining one’s emotional age by counting the rings on their platform shoes.

As you can see, this party is a big hit because the hostess has wisely chosen an outfit that not only mimics the art of the successful Jello “layering” but also picks up all the colors in the Jello Buffet.

The woman sitting next to the open window, however, rather than being pleased with herself,  is contemplating plunging to her death because no one is eating the Jello dessert she made.

The very same Jello dessert she  thought was so socially relevant when she took it out of the refrigerator — but now sees clearly that no one understood her nod to existentialism through disorientation and confusion in the face of the meaningless jiggling and wiggling.

Oh, and pay no attention to the lady sitting on the couch crocheting. She’s an escapee from this 1984 crocheting post.  She’s obviously running from post to post trying to escape the madness of the past.  And who can blame her really?

And there you have it, Dear Reader!  I hope you were able to learn something about Jello’s influence on the decade of the  Slightly Creepy Seventies and if you didn’t, all I can say is neither did I.

Until next time . . . I love you

Slightly Creepy Seventies: Home Projects

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  It’s time for a dose of the Slightly Creepy Seventies.  An era that always cheers us up simply due to the fact that we are not living in it!

Today’s Slightly Creepy Seventies Topic:  Home Projects

Number One on the Slightly-Creepy Seventies Home Project List:

W W W Wine!! And of it
It’s a W-W-W-WINE! RAAAAAACK!

Life in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies was creepy.  Times were weird. Coping was strange. That’s why the very first home project on every Slightly-Creepy Seventies handyman Dad’s list was a great, big, huge, honkin’, wine rack of epic proportions!   Because nothing made the time whiz by in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies better than being incoherent.

And speaking of incoherent!

1970's Bedroom

Here’s an adorable, Slightly-Creepy Seventies bedroom makeover Handyman Dad made for his little teenage daughter, Jennifer, or maybe her name’s Melissa.  

Note the bitchin’ pocket-storage above the bed for those high school keepsakes, a cubby under the bed to store Captain and Tennille’s Greatest Hits , and there’s even a little desk for homework.  But the main attraction is:

The Full Complimentary Bar

There's nothing like a full bar in your teenager's Slighty-Creepy Seventies Bedroom to wipe away the Slightly Creepy Seventies Blues!
And if a full complimentary bar doesn’t effectively blur the lines between Slightly-Creepy Seventies reality and Slightly-Creepy Seventies teenage angst for precious Melissa (or Jennifer– who cares),  Slightly-Creepy Seventies Handyman Dad doesn’t know what will!

Oh sure, having a bar in a teenager’s bedroom by today’s standards might be considered negligent, but in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies, nobody considered anything.  Things simply happened.  Handyman Dad thought it would be fun to install a bar in little whats-her-name’s bedroom and install a bar he did! Who are we to judge the parenting decisions of the Slightly-Creepy Seventies?

Now it’s time For Handyman Dad to enrich the lives of his other kids (the sober ones) by building a Slightly-Creepy Seventies Outdoor Play Structure.Seventies Ourdoor Play Structure

Oh no! It looks like the force of gravity is ten times the normal amount!!  Look out little Jennifer . . . Melissa?. . . Who Cares!   It looks like Slightly Creepy Seventies Handyman Dad accidentally built this Slightly-Creepy Seventies play structure over a gravitational anomaly where the perceptions of the laws of physics and gravity are in question!  What are the odds?  Well the odds were actually 100 % in the Slightly Creepy Seventies!

So that takes care of Slightly-Creepy-Seventies Handyman Dad’s home projects for the kids. But what about his lovely wife, Slightly-Creepy-Seventies Mary Tyler Moore?  

Well, Dear Readers, pictured below is the Slightly-Creepy Seventies home project Handyman Dad’s been dreaming about since he polished off the last bottle of wine in his Slightly-Creepy Seventies wine rack (see above).  Perhaps you’ve already guessed what it’s going to be . . . 

If you guessed  a Slightly-Creepy Seventies Nursery/Stripper Pole, Congratulations! You’re really getting the hang of the Slightly-Creepy Seventies!

1970's horrible Decor

And for those of you who guessed correctly, be sure to stop off at  Melissa Jennifer who care’s room and fix yourself a Tom Colins, nobody will ever know the difference anyway as they are all outside trying to extract little whatshername from the Slightly-Creepy-Seventies, Outdoor Play Structure Gravity Vortex.

And there you have it, Dear Readers, a little Slightly-Creepy Seventies to get you through the weekend.

Until next time . . . I love you

Flipping Through The Slightly-Creepy Seventies

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  Today, if you’re not feeling a little nauseous already, I thought it might be fun to flip through this House Beautiful Magazine from everyone’s favorite icky decade:  The Slightly Creepy Seventies!

House Beautiful 1975
Isn’t this bedroom eye-crossingly wonderful? But it needs something more, don’t you think?  To really give it that Slightly Creepy Seventies flair? Like a focal point of some kind . . . 

But what kind of a focal point?  Hm. . . .

img228
Okay! That’s what the Slightly Creepy Seventies is talking about! Because there’s nothing like the addition of a weird, eerie male bedspread model to give any 70’s decor that much needed splash of slightly creepy!

Now let’s turn to the next page shall we?  Ready?  (I’ll wait if you want to pop a Pepto Bismal.)

Overly Cheerful Family Room slightly creepy seventies
Whoa! Obviously, the Slightly Creepy Seventies had the highest tolerance for decorative cheerfulness than all the other decades put together.

Now, this room is a good example of what happened back in the 70’s when your Slightly-Creepy Seventies Interior Decorator scarfed down a big bowl of yellow chrysanthemums and washed it down with a great big pitcher of ice-cold LSD for breakfast and then rushed over and redecorated your family room while in the throws of a cheerfulness overdose.

Actually, Cheerfulness Overdose was a common problem in the Slightly Creepy Seventies.  In fact, more interior decorators were buried with huge grins on their faces in the Slightly Creepy Seventies than any other decade in history!

So I guess you could say there’s an upside to everything.

Hey!  Look what awaits us on the next page . . . 

img232
  Yes, you’re seeing that correctly.  It’s a rocking chair on the beach. And why not?  After all, life in the Slightly Creepy Seventies was stranger than it’s ever been before or since.

And speaking of rocking chairs on the beach, I think I vaguely remember a Brady Bunch Episode involving a rocking chair/beach incident: I’ll try to retell it as best I can from memory:

Mike Brady: MarshaMarshaMarsha!  Peter! Greg! Cindy! and Whatever the rest of your names are!  We’ve driven 87 hours and we are finally at the beach!

MarshaMarshMarsha:  But Dad, we live somewhere in LA.  Why did it take us 87 hours to get here?  The Pacific Ocean is just down the street.

Mike Brady:  What? 

Carol Brady:  Oh Mike, you did it again. Hahahahahaha!  You turned left when you should have turned right!  Hahahahaha! We’re not at the Pacific Ocean, children, we’re at the Atlantic Ocean! Hahahahahaha!

Mike Brady:  Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Alice:  Hahahahahaha!  I’ll lug the rocking chair down to the beach while you Bradys wait in the car and laugh.

Carol Brady:  Hahahhahaha—

Alice:  Wait a minute!  Hold the landphone! The rocking chair’s not here!  Somebody forgot it!  I’m not one to point fingers but I think it was MarshaMarshaMarsha.

Mike Brady:  Well, kids, it looks like we’re turning around and driving 87 hours home to get it.  Hahahhahaha.

Carol Brady:  But wait Mike, you left MarshaMarshaMarsha at the Atlantic Ocean.

Mike Brady:  Hahahahhahahaha!

Carol Brady:  Hahahahahahaha!

Say now, this next item looks interesting. 

img235

Her name was Betty Knowles and she lost 4 pounds and 6 inches off her waist in only eight days back in the Slightly Creepy Seventies using this lever and pulley exercise contraption. Unfortunately, once  Betty got it all set up and herself situated inside of it, she could never figure out how to get out.   Eight days later Betty was not only  much, much slimmer, but also, she wasn’t wasting valuable time breathing or having a pulse anymore. Unfortunately she wasn’t found until last week about a quarter to five.

Sure, it was a sad Slightly Creepy Seventies demise for poor Betty Knowles, but the good news is she has been chosen as the main attraction at the Smithsonian Institute’s much anticipated upcoming exhibit:  Mummified Peoples of the Slightly Creepy Seventies.

Proving once again there’s an upside to everything!

Well, Dear Readers, that’s it for today.  If you need me I’ll be down at the Pacific Ocean.  I’ll be the one sitting in the rocking chair eating a big bowl of yellow chrysanthemums.

Until next time . . . I love you

Slightly Creepy Seventies Bedrooms

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , , , , ,

Welcome, Dear Readers, to the Slightly Creepy Seventies. The decade in which babies who were dropped on their heads thirty years prior grew up to become Slightly Creepy Seventies Bedroom Designers.

remodeling and decorating bedrooms a sunset book
Today we will be examining the bizarre ideas of Slightly Creepy Seventies bedroom designers.

 

File me under Zzzz.

Guest bedroom Slightly Creepy Seventies Style
What this slightly creepy seventies guest bedroom lacks in charm, it makes up for invoices incurred between 1968 and 1973

Now here’s a typical slightly creepy seventies bizarre idea. Why not use the top of these filing cabinets as a guest bedroom?  An idea that was so far ahead of it’s time that even millions of years from now there still won’t be any filing cabinet guest bedrooms.

Now let’s look at that desk.   Go ahead.  Take your time. (We’ve got several million years.)  The caption on this picture explains that a desk extension (the one that you see there in the form of the world’s shortest ladder) has been designed in such a way as to allow an overnight guest to climb to the top of the ladder, and, while still facing the wall, launch him or herself into the air, whale-like,  with a mighty backward thrust.

If the guest gets lucky, he or she will land squarely on the comfy two-inch mattress that has been lovingly provided by their slightly creepy seventies host.

I know.  I can hear your next question from a million years away: “But what if guests miss the mattress completely?”  Ha ha! No harm done. The good news is the open drawer on the filing cabinet will more than likely break his or her fall. But if that happens the bad news is kidney transplants haven’t been invented yet.

 

Good Lord!  It’s a bed!  Look away!!

hideous 70's beds

Back in the slightly creepy seventies nothing was more hideous, more odious, more hippopotamus than looking at a cumbersome big ol’ bed sticking out in the harsh light of day smack dab in the middle of the bedroom floor for all the world to see.

Not counting the hair, clothing and pop culture of the Slightly Creepy Seventies, nothing could compare to the heartache of having to stare at a bed just sitting there stupidly and awkwardly all the livelong day.  It was a bedroom design faux pas that would have made Mary Tyler Moore herself weep bitterly.

Luckily, bizarre Slightly Creepy Seventies bedroom designers solved this unsightly “bed” problem by making a bed that folded up into the wall at a moment’s notice!

 “Hurry Mary Tyler Moore! Push! PUSH!  We know you’re fashionably underweight by 20 to 30 pounds, but for heaven sakes, put some elbow grease into it, girl!”

That’s better Mary. Now quickly, pull out granny’s rocker and make like you’re just reading a magazine. That’s right!  Just reading and rocking that’s all.  Bed? What bed?  Don’t know nothin’ ’bout no bed!

 

Don’t ask don’t tell!

slightly creepy seventies librarian
Say what?  A secret TV?  Oh those Slightly Creepy Seventies Designers that were dropped on their heads when they were babies think of everything and then some!

What in the world is slightly creepy seventies Caroline up to?  Did she rob the petty cash from the library where she works again and is hiding it in the safe she has cleverly hidden behind that picture?

Well don’t let those horn-rimmed glasses of hers fool you.  Why?  Because hidden behind that picture is no safe!  It just so happens it’s a friggin’ state-of-the-art  12-inch Motorola color TV! Yes you heard me right with that little voice in your head that does all your reading!

And it seems our dear Slightly-Creepy-Seventies Caroline is a conservative librarian by day and a raging, out-of-control Mary Tyler Moore watching fool by night!  Her secret longing?  Why to turn the world on with her smile, of course.  But she tells everyone she never watches TV . . . so keep it to yourself, huh?

The Circle of Life

Slightly Creepy Seventies mother and child
Slightly Creepy Seventies Bedroom Designer of the Future

Clearly this Slightly Creepy Seventies mom is enjoying her Slightly Creepy Seventies baby like nobody’s business.  The bad news is she accidentally dropped this little guy on his head seconds after this picture was taken.  The good news is he will grow up to carry on the tradition of Slight Creepy Seventies bedroom design well into the 21st Century and maybe even beyond, but probably not.

And there you have it Dear Readers.  Now you can go about the rest of your day being thankful for the fact that  you weren’t dropped on your head when you were a baby or, if you were, at least being thankful we’re no longer living in the Slightly Creepy Seventies.

Until next time . . . I love you

 

 

 

Slightly Creepy Seventies: Sewing for Teens

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers to the world of the Slightly Creepy Seventies where we  trip down memory lane by revisiting the pages of old magazines from the inexplicable decade of the 70’s.  

Today we will be flipping through the pages of “let yourself sew – a complete sewing book for teens” 

Let yourself Sew with Simplicity
Published during the great capitalized letter shortage of 1975.

 

Let’s open to the first page. Oh look!  It’s some actual Slightly Creepy Seventies Teens!

Seventies teens

As you can see, all teenage girls in the Slightly Creepy Seventies look like they are between the ages of 35 and 40.  There are three theories for this:  1) The ugliness of the seventies was more aging to the skin than the rays of  the Slightly Creepy Seventies Sun  2) wearing stupid outfits you sewed yourself altered the chemical structure of  your DNA (not in a good way) or 3) all teenage girls in the Slightly Creepy Seventies actually were between the ages of 35 and 40.

*Note the little boy in the striped, home-sewn whatevers is keeping a low profile.  It seems one of the teenagers between 35 and 40 has started a family unbeknownst to mom.  Sh . . .I won’t tell if you won’t.

Of course the Master Plan of sewing for your teenage self in the Slightly Creepy was to: “Create Your Never-Can-Be-Duplicated Specialness!” 

70's bathrobe coat img150

Well okay then!  And what better way to do that than to sew yourself a bathrobe and wear it out in public.  Oh and don’t forget that really good friend with the cheerfully sympathetic expression to walk along beside you with her hand on your back like she’s guiding you as you schlep from place to place.

That way people who don’t understand your never-can-be-duplicated specialness, will just have to assume you’ve recently gone blind and haven’t figured out a workable system, as yet, for getting dressed in the dark. Either way it’s a slightly creepy seventies win/win!

The Slightly Creepy Seventies Heartbreak of Crochet Addiction

crochet addict

In a decade where everybody started their day out by brushing their teeth with cocaine,  gargling with LSD and using a Mescaline moisturizer, what most people don’t realize is that it was actually crochet addiction that was responsible for ruining more 1970’s wardrobes than cocaine, LSD and Mescaline combined!

For Jessica, it all began with a simple crocheted chain stitch a couple of times a week.  To unwind from a hard day of wandering around town in her corduroy bathrobe.  No harm done really. Until she started lying to granny about all the “missing” yarn.  Before you know it, she was parading up and down the streets in  purple leotards and blue anklets wearing her crochet addiction on her sleeve like a an ugly crocheted vest and hot pants — begging strangers for money and lying that she was only going to use it to buy some Mescaline Moisturizer when in reality she was going to use it to buy a basket full of kittens and yarn —then shoo away the kittens. It didn’t end well for Jessica. Today she lives in a van down by the river she crocheted herself. (Both the van and the river.)

 It’s An Applique, Okay?

Seventies teen

Sure, this slightly creepy seventies teen looks 45 but that’s only by today’s standards.  Back in the Slightly Creepy Seventies she didn’t look a day over 13!  Why? Because she’s wearing a shirt with an arrow appliqued on it that’s why!  An arrow that proclaimed to the world, “Yes!  I have an arrow on my shirt, so?  You got a problem with that?  Get over it Mom!  Get over it Dad! Get over it establishment!” Right after this she went down and signed up for a fake senior discount card!  In your face boss man.   You go teenage girl who looks 45!

Uh Oh . . . Crochet Addiction Rears it’s Ugly Head Again!

Slightly Creepy Seventies Teens

Uh Oh . . . It looks like this Slightly Creepy Seventies slumber party where everyone sewed themselves a nightgown has taken a turn for the worse. Obviously Jessica and Jessica are suffering mightily from crochet addiction withdrawals and are engaged in a fight to the death for the last ball of granny’s yarn.

It’s an ugly reality that was often swept under even uglier crocheted rugs all over Slightly Creepy Seventies America.  But then would we expect any less from the Slightly Creepy Sevenites?

And there you have it, Dear Readers, this edition of the Slightly Creepy Seventies.   But remember, even though it is now 2015 — if someone invites you to try crocheting?  Better stay on the safe side and just say no!

Until next time . . . I love you

 

 

Slightly Creepy Seventies: Family Rooms

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  Gosh it’s been a long time since last we clapped eyes on the home decor horrors that only the Slightly Creepy Seventies can provide. That’s why I was delighted to run across this family room decorating book from 1977 and just in time for Halloween!

Now here’s a family room that practically screams fun!

 1977 Better Homes and Gardens Family Room Projects you can build

Whenever the family entered this Slightly Creepy Seventies family room, and once they had regained their balance, Mom and Dad got right down to the task of puffing Benson & Hedges cigarettes one after another in order to fill up their family-sized ashtray guaranteed to hold enough stubbed-out cigarettes to give the entire clan COPD in a single evening.  But not to worry, everybody was already hyperventilating from the decor anyway, so hey!  At least they were breathing! (Sort of . . .)

If this doesn’t make you want to hum the theme from Jaws, nothing will.

Seventies killer pillows

And why are there no people in this Slightly Creepy Seventies family room, you ask?

Ha ha!  Because they are all hiding in the “modular storage center that fits almost anywhere” or anyone.   And thank goodness for that!  How else would they be able to hide themselves from the giant killer macramé pillow that is obviously taking orders from the Slightly-Creepy Seventies Peacock Feather Vase Goddess?

I’ll bet the whole family is thanking their lucky stars right now that daddy scarfed down his cocaine-sprinkled oatmeal this morning or he would have never had the wherewithal to come up with the idea for this clever dual storage/hiding-from-murdering-pillow decorating idea.  But uh oh!  Look out Little Joshie!  You left he door open!

There’s organization and then there’s organization Slight-Creepy Seventies Style!

Family room with phone in front of tv

The genius that designed this Slightly Creepy Seventies entertainment center thought of everything right down to the board games that family members can play while Mom is yakking on the phone for hours blocking everybody’s view of their Slightly Creepy Seventies state of the art 12-inch Zenith television set — so much so that nobody in this poor, Slightly Creepy Seventies’ family ever found out whether or not Mary Tyler Moore did indeed make it after all. (They did get to see a cool explosion on Rockford Files though . . . well, not exactly — but the way Mom described it, it sounded cool!)

 And of course no Slightly Creepy Seventies family room is complete without a plant phone booth (if Mom will ever get off the phone and let the plants use it, that is).

a phone booth for plants slightly creepy seventies

What better way for a family to pass through the tedious decade of the Slightly Creepy Seventies at a snail’s pace than to actually pull up a chair and literally watch snails’ pace?  Answer?  No better way!

Well, that is if you don’t count Mom describing to everyone how exciting it was when Jim Rockford got in that high-speed car chase and ran over Mary Tyler Moore and made her hat fly up in the air.  At least, Mom’s pretty sure that’s what happened — but then again she was talking on the phone at the time —  and in the Slightly Creepy Seventies, multi-tasking hadn’t even been invented yet.

And there you have it, Dear Readers, a little Halloween Horror in the form of the Slightly Creepy Seventies, now go have a fun Halloween and try to forget the horror you saw here.

Until next time . . . I love you

 

 

 

 

A 70’s Party Where Nobody Got the Memo

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  It’s been far too long since we’ve visited the Slightly Creepy Seventies, the decade that just can’t be rivaled when it comes to the creepy factor in fashions, home decor and food.

Today let’s talk a look back on a Slightly Creepy Seventies party where it would seem that:

Apparently Nobody Got the Memo 

Runny butter

Daisies

 

(If the captions are too small, you can click on the picture)seventies party linda vernon humor

Apparently I didn't get the memo

Apparently nobody go the memo

And there you have it, Dear Readers.  A little of the Slightly Creepy Seventies to take you on into the weekend.

Until next time . . . I love you

Casual Friday Slightly-Creepy Seventies Style

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, The Daily Routine , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  Say, have you ever speculated what people would have worn to the office if they would have had casual Friday back  in the 1970’s?

I’m going out on a limb here, Dear Readers, and guess that the answer is no.   Well,  it’s high time we speculated then, don’t you think?  Let’s get started.

She’s Got Slightly-Creepy 70’s Spunk!

She's got spunk.
70’s Spunk-i-fied!

She’s got style! She’s got vision! She’s got more 70’s spunk than a barrel of Mary Tyler Moores!

This casual-Friday, slightly-creepy 70’s outfit really puts the sass in sassafras and proclaims to the world, “I’m beautiful, I’m optimistic and I’m wearing a yellow hat!

Even Lou Grant could  see that she has  “taking a nothing day and suddenly making it all seem worthwhile” written all over her!

Tie Dye For!

They were a head of their time.
They were carbon footprinting before anybody even had carbon feet!

Here’s a slightly-creepy seventies couple who obviously ride the bicycle they share to the beat of a different drummer!

You won’t find them jumping through their 1970’s boss’s demands! Their casual-Friday,  slightly-creepy 70’s outfits say,” What? You got a problem with our 1970’s counter-culture casual attire?  Screw you boss man!  We’ll jump on the Schwinn that we share and ride, ride, ride!  Away from the demands of “society” and its stupid “rules!”  And, rest assured, Boss Man,  the very second we learn to ride the bike that we share without trainings wheels? . . . Well it’s gonna be  Sayonara Suckers!”

Most Popular 70’s Casual-Friday Attire for the CIA

Meet
Excuse me . . . I think you’re hood is ringing

Daring to wear an outfit like this in today’s office setting might cause a few double takes, but back the slightly-creepy 70’s, this outfit would have been considered just plain boring!

Nobody but nobody would have given the  person wearing such an outfit a second glance.

The CIA knew that if one wanted to be inconspicuous against the back drop of the slightly-creepy 70’s office decor, this outfit fit the bill like none other! Which is why on any given day back in the slightly-creepy 70’s, anybody wearing an outfit like this was more than likely a CIA agent.

Driven to Slightly-Creepy 70’s Casual-Friday Distraction!

Linda Vernon Humor 70's attire
Tree leaningly beautiful!

Here’s a slightly-creepy 70’s, casual-Friday outfit that drove everyone in the 70’s office wild!  So much so that she was asked to go outside and lean up against a slightly-creepy 70’s tree.  

Today, you would find workers out there with her smoking cigarettes, but back in the slightly-creepy 70’s, everyone just smoked at their desks happily puffing and blowing smoke down the hall, around the corner and up the nostrils of their slightly-creepy 70’s boss.

The only people who were ever asked to “take it outside” were the slightly-creepy 70’s  fashionistas who went for broke, fashion-wise on slightly-creepy 70’s casual Friday.

And, of course, we can’t help but love them all  for it!

And there you have it, Dear Readers!  I hoped this answered your questions about . . . uh . . . well whatever the question was, I hope this answered it!

Until next time . . . I love you

Laughing at the Seventies not with Them

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies , , , , , ,

Dear Readers.  I would like to make a formal apology at this time to the decade of the 1970’s.  Lately, I’ve been mercilessly picking on how strange, weird and downright creepy the seventies were. But then, after not thinking about it very much, I decided who cares?  So join me won’t you as we laugh at the seventies and not with them.

Let’s flip through the pages of this Woman’s Day Knit & Stitch Magazine from 1973, shall we?

Vintage Magazine from the 70's

She’s a 70’s Gal, and she’s all gussied up in the  knitted robe and matching knitted knickers she knitted! knitted! knitted! herself!  Because in the seventies, not only did gals know how to knit! — they also knew how to pretend they were actually going to wear the stuff they knitted out in public!  But you never actually saw anyone out and about wearing a get-up such as this one, except for maybe Mick Jagger who combined a hat deceitfully tipped below one eye and a scarf (but it was apricot.)

Have Beach Mat Will Travel Will Not Have Fun!

Well here's a case where the sewing project has not only taken center stage but has also taken on far too much importance."
Well here’s a case where the 70’s sewing project has not only taken center stage, but also has taken over this poor woman’s life. Oh sure, she’s at the beach but all the fun is clearly being had by the beach mat itself. Do you get the feeling this 70’s woman doesn’t make a move without consulting the lady on her beach mat first?
All the instruction on how to make this beach bag that doubles as a beach towel are included in this magazine. Unfortunately there are no instructions about how to go about picking shoes that fit.
All the instruction on how to make this groovy beach bag that doubles as a fun-loving beach mat are included in the magazine. Unfortunately, there are no instructions about how to tell if the  clogs you wear with it are three sizes too small.
Aside from the fact that this
Aside from the fact that this looks a little like the Second Coming of Christ (when shrunk down smaller),  it was also one of the miracle ways to kill some serious 70’s decade time.  The Heir-Loom was an ingenious gadget that made daisies and more daisies and more daisies until the daisy-maker became trapped in a sea of her own daisy-making madness.  She would go so nutty she would start making clothing out of the daisies and then a house and then a  car and then . . dear lord! . . . a daisy dust cover for the entire planet earth!  The only thing that will stop her is the second coming.  Pray for the second coming dear readers!  Pray like you’ve never prayed before!
Aside from the fact that this
See? When shrunk  doesn’t this picture look like the second coming?

And there you have it, Dear Reader. Today’s romp through the ridiculous fields the the 70’s.  I hope you had as much fun as I did laughing at the 70’s  expense!

Until next time . . . I love you

Let’s Take Hump Day Off to Browse Through Old Magazines

Linda Vernon Slighty Creepy Seventies, Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers.  Today is hump day.  Don’t you hate the word hump day? It’s just ugly and stupid.  I’m never going to use it again.  Okay just one more time, hump day.  Okay, that’s it.  It will never appear here again.

So in honor of the most notoriously ho-hum day of the week, (you-know-what day), I will not be using any exclamation points in today’s post.  In fact, I won’t be writing anything at all.  I’m just going to take the day off to thumb though this 1975 Better Homes and Gardens.  Grab your coffee and join me, won’t you?

Woman sewing together a rug

Back in 1975, when there wasn’t much to do, women could often be found sitting on the floor sewing carpet pieces together.  Of course, this was before Women’s Lib really took hold.  After that, women gave up sewing carpets pieces together at  home, and went and got careers at carpet factories where they got paid $1.60 an hour to sew carpet pieces together for other women who didn’t know about women’s lib yet..

Here’s something not very interesting

Peter Ustinov ad

Here’s Peter Ustinov.  In 1975, Peter Ustinov was a Public Personality which is how they referred to what we call celebrities today.   Public Personalities were semi-well-known for a couple of parts in big movies but spent the majority of their careers appearing on talk shows or game shows or hawking Ernest and Julio wine in national magazines.  Peter Ustinov also wrote his memoirs which I actually remember reading — which should tell you how boring my life was in 1975.

Don’t feel bad if you only look 35, our product can make you look 70!

Silk & Silver turns gray to great

“Hey I’ve got a great idea, JB. You know how women are always dyeing their hair to get rid of gray?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, we’ll do the ol’ switcheroo and make a product that will turn their regular color hair gray!”

“But women who have natural blonde hair will never buy it.

“Oh yes they will because from now on we’ll say their blonde hair is just an unwanted yellow tinge, and that they need to get rid of it by dying it gray.
“You mean take a group of women who have natural blonde hair, have them dye it gray thus making them look like fabulous 70-year-old grandmothers instead of what they really are which is 35-year-old models?”
“Yes that’s it exactly!
“Let’s do it!”

Hey here’s an ad about losing weight with Ayds

1975 Weight loss ad

In 1975, a woman was supposed to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and still look sexy for her man!  (Nobody knew what the men were supposed to be doing.)  Enter Shirley Badders.   Even though Shirley gave birth to five children, her biggest accomplishment was losing the 63 pounds she put on in the process.  And now look at her!  The ad boasts that she’s not only poised and clothes conscious, she’s even articulate! (Apparently her tongue isn’t as chubby).  Let’s face it, aside from sporting the ugliest leotard  ever conceived, Shirley’s a knockout!  And how did she do it?  She got Ayds.  No not the sickness with an “i” but  the candy, with a “y”.   My oh my, how the world has changed since 1975.

People in 1975 laughed easier than they do now

I laughed when they set down the bowl

Back in 1975, people laughed a lot easier than they do now. Take this hysterical dog owner. Oh. she just knew her dog wasn’t going to like new, improved Gainsburgers. Why? Because she’s been eating a steady diet of old, unimproved Gainsburgers since they came on the market, and her dog wouldn’t even eat the scraps leftover from the Gainsburgers she prepared for herself — and she added cheese! So you can see how the joke was on her! P.S. Don’t you think she’d look a lot better if she dyed her hair gray? But then again she’s probably eating Gainsburgers in heaven by now, so I guess it’s a moot point.

There now.  Well that was a fun day off.  Maybe we’ll have to flip through old magazines again next week on Harrumph Day . . . 

Until next time . . . I love you

Vingate Nineteen Seventy-Icks Time-Killing Recipes

Linda Vernon Edible Tales, Slighty Creepy Seventies , , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers! It’s Monday morning again! Which means we’ve all got some pushy little To-do Lists yapping at our heels. 

Well, what better way to ignore such things than by taking time out to relive the tedious days of 1970’s, a decade when time oozed by slower than a drug-free Tour de France.

And to that end, let us open this 1976 McCall’s Cooking School magazine and see how people killed time by cooking disgusting-looking dishes back in, what I like to call, 197-icks:

McCalls's Cooking School Magazine Number 3
It’s not just a magazine, it’s an icky cooking school!

Now having lived through the 1970’s,  I can vouch for the fact that life in the 70’s was extremely boring and tedious.

On any given day your choices to kill time boiled down to 1) watching a rerun of Maude 2) macrameing a hanging plant holder or 3) whipping up something god-awful like this:

1976 Chicken and Dumplings
Slabs of gray chicken slowly and painstakingly placed amid balls of dough gussied up with individually placed chives guaranteed to kill 4 to 5 hours of 70’s mind-numbing tedium.

This 197-icks take on Chicken and Dumplings killed two chickens with one stone.  The placement of the chives alone served to distract one from the 70’s monotony for several hours, but what killed a far bigger chunk of time was trying to find someone who would actually eat it.

Here’s a time-consuming dish that McCall’s Cooking School called French.

The French Casserole called for goose. A boon to 70's cooks as wild goose chases can last indefinitely.
This 197-icks French Casserole called for goose. A boon to 70’s cooks, because, as everyone knows, wild goose chases are hugely time-consuming.

In the description, McCall’s is bandying around the word melange. Naturally this word melange was a big plus to 70s cooks, as it would have required a time-consuming trip downtown to the main library (the one with the really big dictionary) to look up the word melange — taking up an entire day and bringing them just that much closer to the end of the decade!

In the 70’s there were so many people dying to kill time that McCall’s Cooking School  magazine was thoughtful enough to include this “Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen Pie”

Mincemeat Pecan Pie from 1976
The preparation of this mincemeat pie managed to kill many hours of tedium for as many as five cooks.

If you look at this mincemeat pie (not too closely though unless you have your Tums nearby), you can see that the preparation required:

 A Melissa to not only prepare the dough from scratch, but also, to perform the lengthy process of braiding it as well (killing 17 hours)

A Kimberly to slowly transfer the hand-whipped, whipped cream  into a cake-decorating funnel so that each and every squiggle could be thoroughly obsessed over (killing 22 hours)

A  Jessica to mince the meat over and over and over and over until 7 hours was up (killing 7 hours)

A Stephanie to eat the grape bunch down to a suitable size that would fit picturesquely upon the pie —  choking on several for ten minutes at a time (killing 45 minutes)

And, finally, a Heather to garnish the grapes with the leaves she found after scavenging the neighborhood all night long (killing 12 hours).

Rest assured, Dear Readers that even though the decade of the 70’s was one of the most boring decades to ever grace the pages of a calendar, The McCall’s Cooking School magazine did it’s level best to help us kill the time ad nauseam. 

And for that we shall  be forever sort of grateful.

Until next time . . . I love you