The Second 2012 Presidential Debates
Hello everyone, my name is Candy Crawley and I will be the moderator for tonight’s second Presidential debate.
“Gentlemen, my first question is for President Obama. What number is the loneliest number?”
“As the president of the United States for the last four years, Candy, I can definitely say that the loneliest would be the Number One!”
Okay thank you. Now Mr. Romney it’s your turn. What number would you say is the loneliest number?
“I’ve been saying all along ever since I was the boss of the whole Olympics in Utah that the loneliest number is the Number One, Candy!”
“Now wait just a minute, Candy, my opponent, Governor Romney says the loneliest number is the Number One , Candy, but lookee! He’s holding up three fingers, Candy! Lookee! Lookee!”
“Now just a doggone minute there! I stated the loneliest number was Number One even before I even walked out on stage even, Candy!”
“I’m sorry, Governor Romney, I just gotta wipe off that jam, it’s really buggin’ me.”
Okay, Gentlemen, I’m afraid that’s all the time I can give you on jam gentlemen. We must move on.
“But Candy! I didn’t get to say how I got jam on my suit!”
I’m sorry we must move on! I’ve got a question from one of the 82 uncommitted voters . . . yes what is your question, sir?”
“Hello. My name is Al Gore. I would like to know if either of the can-di-dates know of any stores close by that sell Funyuns?”
“Mr. Gore that is not a question that we are going to waste time on this evening. If you were hungry for Funyuns, you should have purchased a bag of them before you came to the debate tonight like I did!”
“Now don’t be so hasty, Candy. As President of the United States, it just so happens I brought a bag of Funyuns with me to the debates tonight, and Al Gore can have my bag of Funyuns! After all, Al Gore invented the internet, Candy!”
“Now wait t just a doggone minute, Candy! I brought a bag of Funyuns too AND a jar of Olympic Commemorative Jam — all the way from Utah. Al Gore can have my bag of Funyuns AND my jar of jam! It’s the least I can do for a guy who invented the internet. I insist!”
“Well, America, I think we know who’s going home the clear winner tonight, and that is Mr. Global Warming and Internet Inventor, himself, Al Gore! So what do you have to say about that Al?
“The future will be better tomorrow.”
I think that says it all America, don’t you? I’m Candy Crawley and thank you for watching.
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Until next time . . . I love you