The 33 Word Trifecta Writing Challenge: The Day Frieda Flerf Got Lost in a Bag of Skittles

This week’s Trifecta 33 word writing challenge is to build upon an earlier 33 word challenge:

The original challenge was to write 33 words in which the word “lost” appears in the title but not in the story.  Today’s challenge is to add 33 more words to the original story.

The Day Frieda Flerf Got Lost in a Bag of Skittles

While eating Skittles, Frieda Flerf suddenly found herself inside the bag, pinned between a red one and a yellow one.  As she began gnawing her way to freedom, she heard mama calling, “Frieda!”

When Mama Flerf heard Frieda Flerf’s screams coming from the Skittles bag, she carefully lifted Frieda out, chastised her firmly, then made her clean Barbie’s entire Dream House for eating between meals again.

Oh how Frieda hated her Hoarder Barbie Dream House

Trying (Yet Again) to Cheer Up Edgar Allan Poe

Hello Dear Readers. As you may recall, from time to time, this blog takes it upon itself to try to cheer up America’s most famous Gloomy Gus, Edgar Allan Poe.

“At midnight, in the month of June, I stand beneath the mystic moon.”

“Uh . . . Edgar, what are you doing outside at midnight?  Don’t you realize it’s 1835 and antibiotics haven’t even been invented yet?  It’s almost like you’re trying to catch cholera. For god’s sakes, Edgar, go home and go to bed!”

“An opiate vapor, dewy, dim, Exhales from out her golden rim.”

“Okay, I hate to be the one to break it to you, Edgar, but the moon doesn’t have a golden rim; plus, I’m pretty sure the moon’s a boy.  I really must insist you put down your pipe now and go in the house.”

“And, softly dripping , drop by drop, Upon the quiet mountain top”

“Now that’s a nice upbeat phrase.  I like it because it’s positive.  Why don’t you tell me another one while I lead you into the house.    I’m just going to take you by the hand!  Yikes your hand is cold!” What do you have ice cubes in your pockets?”

“The rosemary nods upon the grave; the lily lolls upon the wave”

“Sckrrrreeeechk . . . record scratch!  There you go again with the graves. I don’t care if ALL your friends are dead, Ed, sitting around the graveyard moping 24/7  is just going to make things worse.  Oh, and are you sure lolls is a word?  You might want to double check it with your friend, Daniel Webster — if he’s still alive, that is. Ha ha.  No! No! Edgar he is still alive I was just kidding.  It was a joke Edgar!”

“All beauty sleeps!- and lo! where lies; Irene, and with her Destinies”

“Irene? What happened to the Lenore your raven was always flapping his beak about?  Oh, so now that you’re a big fancy poet you just cast Lenore aside for Irene?  Lenore who stuck by you when you were a nobody?  And now that you’re a big shot writer you just cast her aside for some floozy named Irene?”

“The Lady sleeps!  Oh, may her sleep, which is enduring so be deep!”

“Hey lookee here, Edgar!  I bet you’ve never seen this before?  It’s called duct tape, and I’m just going to stick it over your mouth like so!  There now that’s better.  That’s much, much better!”

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

Limerick Lamentation

Limerick Lamentation

“Don’t get me wrong. I like being tall . . . but not THAT tall.”

There once was a girl named Doreen

Who was as tall as a mutant string bean

Even when kneeling

Her head hit the ceiling

And now both her ears have gangrene

Trifecta 33 Word Writing Challenge: The All Important Call from HGTV

This Weekend’s Trifecta Challenge is to describe something that is three different things at the same time:

The All-Important Call from HGTV

Mr. Pumpkineater?

Yes.

HGTV here! We’re featuring your house on: Homes You Can Live In  . . Imprison Your Wife In . . . AND . . .  Eat in an Emergency!

YIPPEE!

Who’s that honey?

Nobody.  Go back to sleep. 

“What are you looking so smug about?”
“Nothing.” 

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

Photo from:  http://www.duckisland.com/Index.asp

A Glimpse into the Food Lives of People From the Past

Dear Readers!  What fruitful weekend I had at the Thrift Store.  I was lucky enough to find this Heinz Ketchup cookbook from 1957!

You see, back in 1957, before life was unnecessarily complicated with Twitter, Facebook and the radio alarm clock, people would stay home and cook dishes that required a lot of Heinz Ketchup.

Let’s take a peek inside the pages of these 1957 Heinz Ketchup Prize winning recipes and see if we can get a glimpse into the food lives of people from the past:

 

It’s Red Magic! Hey wait a minute! In 1957, during the height of the cold war against communism, it seems a little odd that Heinz Ketchup would bill their product by saying “It’s Red Magic.”

And the fact that Mother seems to be flirting with a gigantic tomato man wearing a manacle isn’t helping Heinz Ketchup’s credibility either . . .  oh well let’s just keep moving.

 

Okay, here we have Mother cooking with what looks like a radio-active bottle of Heinz Ketchup. But there’s probably a simple explanation.

Mother’s husband, Father, is probably a Nuclear Physicist who sometimes brings home radioactive isotopes from the office to put in the Ketchup bottle to freak Mother out!

That Father always with the pranks!  (Too bad Mother didn’t even notice!)

 

The only explanation for what Mother is doing here is that Father told Mother to take a long walk on a short pier.

Ha! That Father!  Which Mother did, of course, and while she was at it decided to do a little fishing.

Of course, as you can see the radioactive isotope has caused the Heinz Ketchup bottle to fuse permanently to Mother’s hand.  Father. Could. Not. Stop. Laughing.

 

Here are Mother and Father’s children, Boy and Girl. They are eating minced ham and bean sandwiches that Father made for them.

Oh that wacky Father!  He made both Boy and Girl  these Ketchup bean sandwiches and is now hiding behind the Frigidaire spying on them as they try to eat their Ketchup bean sandwiches.

Right about now Father is probably thinking about how he should see if Milton Berle needs any more comedy writers!

 

Hey who’s this?  Why it’s New Mother, of course.  Old Mother had a drowning accident when she was unable to paddle to safety after falling off a short pier due to the Ketchup bottle being fused to her hand. 

But that’s okay because Father found and married New Mother later that day!  And New Mother has just cooked Father a tasty dish of  Green Beans with Ketchup!

Little does New Mother know that Father has just stuck two radioactive isotopes into the casserole dish she’s holding and Father can’t wait to see the look on New Mother’s face when she tries to set the dish down but finds that it’s fused to her hands!

Unfortunately Father didn’t get to see the look on New Mother’s face because just then the phone rang and Father ran to answer it because  — who knows — it might have been that all important call from Uncle Milty!

“I need a new comedy writer. Find out if Father’s available.”

And there you have it, Dear Readers, a glimpse into the food lives of people from the past.

Until next time . . . I love you

The 33-Word Trifecta Writing Challenge: Bribing the Muse

The Rule of Three is a writing principle that asserts that, in writing, groups of three have the most impact. This week’s Trifecta challenge is to write 33 words using the Rule of Three somewhere among them.  It is up to you to interpret the rule, just make sure to use exactly 33 words.

Bribing the Muse

Hello muse? Can you come over?

I’m busy.

I’ll feed you.

What?

Candy?

No.

Tuna?

Ugh.  Besides, I’m at Brain Tomahawk’s blog eating lunch.

Wanna come for dessert then?

What is it?

Ambrosia.

Okay.

“How’s that salad, Muse?  What’s that?  You’re not going to stay for dessert?  Why?”

 * * *

Until next time . . . I love you

Amy Vanderbilt’s Very Special Student

Dear Readers, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Dudes and Dudettes, Babes and Babies, Presidents and Prime Ministers:

It’s time for us to say goodbye to awkward moments!  Turn our backs on social faux pas and bid adieu to obnoxious behavior.  For I have managed to procure for us, Dear Readers, the answers to all our problems:

Amy Vanderbilt’s  Complete Book of Etiquette!

Let’s flip through some pages . . . Ah here we go!

A Guide to Tactful Conversation!

Amy says:

“In greeting people we say, “how do you do?” we do not really expect an answer, but it is all right to reply, “Very well, thank you,” even if it is a blue Monday and you feel far from well.”  No one wants a clinical discussion in response to this purely rhetorical question.”

Amy will illustrate what she means by doing a little role playing with a Typical Person.

Amy:  How do you do?

Typical Person:  Does your stomach stick out like that because your preggers or are you just fat?

Amy says sorry but it is never polite to answer a question with a question. Amy says try again:

Amy:  How do you do?

Typical Person:  That depends . . . is that mildew smell coming from me or you?

Amy says this is better, but this reply is still in the form of a question. Amy says try again:

Amy:  How do you do?

Typical Person:  Who wants to know Funyun breath?

Amy says this reply is trending towards tactful but is not quite there yet. (She also says this typical person reminds her of someone but she can’t think who.)  Amy says try again.

Amy says:  How do you do?

Typical Person:  I like Funyuns.

Yes!  Very good!  Amy is so proud!!  Now Amy will move on to the next part of the tactful conversation lesson which covers not remembering names:

Amy says:

“If you are warmly greeted by someone whose name — or maybe whose face, too — you can’t recall say something harmless such as “nice to see you”.  Then while looking quite attentive, let the other person do the talking until he or she gives a clue as to identity.”

Amy:  Nice to see you.

Typical Person: You do not have a clue who I am, you are just pretending to look attentive but you have not been listening to a word I just said about the en-vi-RON-ment.

Amy says she likes this response because there are no contractions in it.  Amy says this person reminds her of someone but she still cannot think who. 

Amy:  You are looking well.

Typical Person:  It feels like we have been talking for one thousand, billion, million trillion hours.

Amy:  Al?  Al Gore?  Is that you?

Typical Person, Al:  Yes. Yes. Yes.  It is me Al Gore. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Amy:  Thanks for standing me up the other night! You have some nerve!

Typical person, Al:  Sorry I cannot do anything but stand up. Plus I was out of Funyuns.  Do you want to go to get some Funyuns with me?

Amy:  Of course Al!   You know, I cannot resist a man who does not use contractions!

Amy says that concludes our Guide to Tactful Conversation lesson one!  But Amy is sure she will be back real soon to teach us more etiquette because she just cannot help herself! 

Until next time . . . I love you

Funyuns. Funyuns. Funyuns. Yes. Yes. Yes.