A Guy Named Ted’s 1991 Yearbook!

We all remember the somewhat-iffy glory days of  our semi-beloved junior high school!   

Some of us adored it and some of us hated it. Apparently, Ted, whose yearbook I found on the shelves of my local thrift store, fits into the latter catagory. 

So pull your hair into a side pony tail and twist your hat backwards and let’s take a little trip to Junior High 1991 courtesy of Ted:

Now here’s a student who, even though he tried valiantly NOT to listen during Language Arts class, accidentally absorbed a few nuggets of wisdom.

Not only do I give him kudos for remembering two of the eight parts of speech, but he even threw in “vowel” as well as the rarest type of letter in the alphabet, “the consant.”

I’m also giving him extra points for mentioning the  “prep prase”  which I’m guessing is any prepositional phrase that is complimentary.

Apparently this same kid was also in Ted’s History class.

Now here’s a category they didn’t have when I was in Junior High:

Not to be confused with:

And of course, what yearbook would be complete without fun photo doctoring:

Everybody had a Jr. High math teacher named Mr. Flem (or should have):

And finally:

The eternally effervescent P.E. teacher, Mrs. Miller, leaves Ted with these parting words:

“Ted, you’ve got  a great personality.  Keep things in the right perspective OK?

Ted!  You gotta love him, don’t you?

Until next time . . . I love you

Recipes for People Who Are all Dead Now

Hello Dear Readers and welcome to today’s blog where we will be talking about recipes for people who are all dead now.

Back in 1969, there were a lot of people in the world who liked eating Tomato Aspic, Jellied Gazpacho and Waldorf Salad. Unfortunately all those people are dead now —  taking with them to the grave every conceivable need for Knox Gelatin.  But don’t worry, through the pages of this bizarre cookbook entitled Knox On-Camera Recipes, we will examine in great detail some Knox Gelatin Recipes that made this country what it used to be.  Recipes that salute a quieter, gentler, jigglier time in our nation’s history.

 

Knox Gelatin On-Camera Recipes from 1969:

Knox Cookbook from 1969 Linda Vernon Humor

 

The Knox On-Camera Recipes cookbook begins by educating us in the five types of gelatin which are as follows:

The Simple Gel

Knox on camera recipes Linda Vernon Humor
This delightful red brick is an example of a simple gel.  Mix Knox Gelatin with your favorite liquid and lay it  atop (gently now!) a type of lettuce that is probably extinct now.  Slice a cucumber for charm and casually toss some olives (blindfolded) for that devil-may-care appeal.  The only thing left to do now is wander the streets looking for a person in the 110 year-old age group to eat it.

Gelatin Whip

Knox On camera recipes Linda Vernon Humor
This is an example of a gelatin whip.  Which means after you make a brick of gelatin (see above) it is whipped (by whom and with what is omitted information — a 110-year-old with a cane, perhaps?) until light and fluffy causing it to become far more appealing than an aspic; but far less appealing than anything people who are all dead now could get at the ice cream parlor.

Unflavored Gelatin Snow

Knox on Camera Recipes Linda Vernon Humor
Here’s an example of unflavored gelatin snow.  It doesn’t look very much like snow or at least not very much like snow you would want to put in your mouth.  But nevertheless, gelatin snow it is!! This mixture is also whipped until light and fluffy and/or to teach it a good lesson whichever came first.

Lemon Chiffon Pie

Knox Gelatin On Camera Recipes Linda Vernon Humor
In an effort to include something actually edible into the five types of gelatin, Knox came up with Lemon Chiffon Pie.  First it’s chilled then whipped then partially chilled yadda yadda yadda, who cares anymore.

Mousse

Knox on Camera Recipes Linda Vernon Humor
Well this is a good one to end up with Mousse. (I know your name’s not Mousse, I just forgot the comma).  Mousse happens when a solid ingredient is added into a not-so-solid ingredient either on purpose or by mistake.  This was a favorite of people who are all dead now because there’s no whipping involved which means Gramps didn’t have to get out his cane, yet again!

And there you have it, Dear Readers, our first foray into learning about recipes for people who are all dead now. 

Until next time  . . . I love you

Knox on camera recipes Linda Vernon Humor
All dead now.

Sports Illustrated Brings Us 1963

Oh Dear Readers!  Look what crossed my path yesterday at the used bookstore!

Illustration of woman relaxing on a yatch in a two-piece Swim suit circa 1963
A Sports Illustrated Magazine from 1963!  Isn’t it wonderful? Let’s flip through it together, shall we?

Here’s 1963, Master’s Champion Jack Nicklaus  singing the praises of the MacGregor Woods with their exclusive penetrating impregnation method! Wow! Now that’s impressive!

Ad from Sports Illustrated 1963 Golf Ad
Golf in 1963 was sure a lot more interesting than it is now.

The ad goes on to explain that the exclusive penetrating impregnation method was the most talked about club feature in golf!  (Well, I should say so!)  “Because it let’s you use a wood with confidence in bad lies.”  Gosh I wonder if Tiger knows about this?

 

Hey! Who doesn’t want to live in a world where shirts were only $5.00 raise your hand!

Man in car driving away
Shh . . . don’t tell Mr.Sophisticated City Dweller who is wearing his Dacron Docoma Breeze shirt that the poor country bumpkins who just got off the  b.u.s. are laughing at him not with him.

Stuffed shirts didn’t come any less wrinkle-free than in 1963 thanks to Docoma Breeze shirts boasting Grip-Tab, Dress ‘n Play, Blake collars — which only cool city dwellers could afford at $5 a pop.  And if that didn’t make a man want to drive around Manhattan, mannequin-like, in a car three-sizes too small –1963 doesn’t know what did!

 

Don’t Worry Honey! Kent’s Micronite Filter makes cigarettes good for you!

Blah Blah
This Kent ad is the very first and the very last ad to utilize the phrase “refines away”.

Apparently back in 1963, the key to smoking fun was getting the cigarette to have the mildest taste of all!  Kent was hoping that smokers wouldn’t put 2 and 2 together and realize that the mildest taste of all would be not smoking any cigarettes at all.

 

Question!  What’s more fun than shooting guns with daddy?   Shooting guns with daddy in the house!  What else?

Father and Son unpacking Daisy BB Range
Run for cover,Sis! Look out Spot! Whoops sorry, Dear!

What better way for  fathers to bond with their sons and to teach their sons to grow up to be men than by shooting bb guns with them in the house?  Oh sure, a few of mother’s prized figureens may have to be sacrificed, and little Suzie’s buttox will probably never be the same — but it’s a small price to pay for teaching little boys what it really means to be a man — 1963 style!

Now then wasn’t that fun?  I hope you liked our little foray into the world of 1963, Dear Readers!

Until next time . . . I love you

Smart Party Talk from 1937

Welcome Dear Readers.  I found this picture in a 1937 cookbook which was just begging for some dialogue using slang from the 30’s.

So here goes:

 

picture of a party from 1937

Hey this party’s ring-a-ding-ding, don’t you think so, dollface?

It’s alright I suppose.

Suppose I say you’re a looker with a swell pair of get-away-sticks.

Suppose I say that’s the smoothest line of monkey talk I’ve heard all evening.

Suppose I say we blow this wingding and stop at a speako for a bottle of beer.

Suppose I say you’ve had one too many snoutfuls if you think I’d fall for a chisel like that.

Suppose I say let’s stop by my place, I’ll peel off this tuxedo, and we’ll roll a few lines at the bowling alley.

Suppose I say where did you learn to sweet talk,  from a correspondence course?

Suppose I say I wonder if you’re giving me the kibosh?

Suppose I say I’ll let you know after I finish this glass of giggle.

Suppose I say I’m going to park a honey cooler on those lips 0f yours?

Suppose I say try it and I’ll ram this gobble-pipe up your schnozzle!

Suppose I say remind me never to get dizzy with a dame who is holding a saxophone.

Suppose I say that’s the smartest thing you’ve said all  night.  Hey, I had you pegged all wrong, maybe you’re not a flopperoo after all.

Hey listen, muffin, let’s get another glass of rot gut, put on a keen platter and jolly up!

Murder! Now you’re talkin’ mister!

 

Until next time . . .  I love you

Smart Party Talk from 1937

Welcome Dear Readers.  I found this picture in a 1937 cookbook which was just begging for some dialogue using slang from the 30’s.

So here goes:

 

picture of a party from 1937

Hey this party’s ring-a-ding-ding, don’t you think so, dollface?

It’s alright I suppose.

Suppose I say you’re a looker with a swell pair of get-away-sticks.

Suppose I say that’s the smoothest line of monkey talk I’ve heard all evening.

Suppose I say we blow this wingding and stop at a speako for a bottle of beer.

Suppose I say you’ve had one too many snoutfuls if you think I’d fall for a chisel like that.

Suppose I say let’s stop by my place, I’ll peel off this tuxedo, and we’ll roll a few lines at the bowling alley.

Suppose I say where did you learn to sweet talk,  from a correspondence course?

Suppose I say I wonder if you’re giving me the kibosh?

Suppose I say I’ll let you know after I finish this glass of giggle.

Suppose I say I’m going to park a honey cooler on those lips 0f yours?

Suppose I say try it and I’ll ram this gobble-pipe up your schnozzle!

Suppose I say remind me never to get dizzy with a dame who is holding a saxophone.

Suppose I say that’s the smartest thing you’ve said all  night.  Hey, I had you pegged all wrong, maybe you’re not a flopperoo after all.

Hey listen, muffin, let’s get another glass of rot gut, put on a keen platter and jolly up!

Murder! Now you’re talkin’ mister!

 

Until next time . . .  I love you

Flipping Through A 1953 Magazine

Welcome to Friday, Dear Readers!  And on Fridays this blog takes some time off  from goofing off to pursue more leisurely pursuits like flipping through old magazines.

And to that end, here’s a magazine from 1953 I found stuck between two cookbooks at the Thrift store yesterday:

Isn't it wonderful?
Isn’t it wonderful?

Come on, let’s look inside:

Is it just me or is this little guy wearing a saucer on his head?

1953 Heinz Baby Food ad
The aliens have landed and you’ll never guess where!

This says:  “Every Woman is Beautiful Thru Pregnancy”

Uh . . . not in this outfit she isn’t.

1953 magazine humorous commentary, Linda Vernon Humor
Gosh! When did my hair get so ugly.

The note at the top of this page says: Painted for the Green Giant Company by Norman Rockwell.

Just think! In 1953 you could still hire Norman Rockwell to illustrate your ad!

 1953 Green Giant Norman Rockwell Ad

Uh . . . judging from the color of their complexions, I think it might be a good idea for them to lay off the Libby’s Tomato Juice for a while.

1953 Magazine humorous commentary Linda Vernon Humor
“Mommy, do you think we’ll ever eat anything but tomato juice again?”
“Of course not, darling, why would we?” “Mommy, do you think we’ll ever stop dressing like twins?”
“Of course not, darling, why would we?

Something in me longs for the days when gunning down Mother if she didn’t fix her children a snack of canned meat that had been “deviled”  was considered wholesome fun!

1953 Ad for Underwod Deviled Ham
Haha! Now be sure not to riddle me with bullets until after I’ve prepared your snack, you little rascals!”

While big brothers are chasing little sister (who has a a 35-year-old woman’s face) so that they can lasso her around her neck (good luck with finding her neck),  the important thing here is that they won’t scuff the floors thanks to Simoniz self-polishing floor wax!

1953 magazine humorous commentary Linda Vernon Humor
My mother had a stove just like the one in the background.

Well, Dear Readers, my scanning elbow is starting to act up again so we’ll quit for today, but I hope you enjoyed this little romp back to 1953!

Until next time . . . I love you

Sports Illustrated Brings Us 1963

Oh Dear Readers!  Look what crossed my path yesterday at the used bookstore!

Illustration of woman relaxing on a yatch in a two-piece Swim suit circa 1963
A Sports Illustrated Magazine from 1963!  Isn’t it wonderful? Let’s flip through it together, shall we?

Here’s 1963, Master’s Champion Jack Nicklaus  singing the praises of the MacGregor Woods with their exclusive penetrating impregnation method! Wow! Now that’s impressive!

Ad from Sports Illustrated 1963 Golf Ad
Golf in 1963 was sure a lot more interesting than it is now.

The ad goes on to explain that the exclusive penetrating impregnation method was the most talked about club feature in golf!  (Well, I should say so!)  “Because it let’s you use a wood with confidence in bad lies.”  Gosh I wonder if Tiger knows about this?

 

Hey! Who doesn’t want to live in a world where shirts were only $5.00 raise your hand!

Man in car driving away
Shh . . . don’t tell Mr.Sophisticated City Dweller who is wearing his Dacron Docoma Breeze shirt that the poor country bumpkins who just got off the  b.u.s. are laughing at him not with him.

Stuffed shirts didn’t come any less wrinkle-free than in 1963 thanks to Docoma Breeze shirts boasting Grip-Tab, Dress ‘n Play, Blake collars — which only cool city dwellers could afford at $5 a pop.  And if that didn’t make a man want to drive around Manhattan, mannequin-like, in a car three-sizes too small –1963 doesn’t know what did!

 

Don’t Worry Honey! Kent’s Micronite Filter makes cigarettes good for you!

Blah Blah
This Kent ad is the very first and the very last ad to utilize the phrase “refines away”.

Apparently back in 1963, the key to smoking fun was getting the cigarette to have the mildest taste of all!  Kent was hoping that smokers wouldn’t put 2 and 2 together and realize that the mildest taste of all would be not smoking any cigarettes at all.

 

Question!  What’s more fun than shooting guns with daddy?   Shooting guns with daddy in the house!  What else?

Father and Son unpacking Daisy BB Range
Run for cover,Sis! Look out Spot! Whoops sorry, Dear!

What better way for  fathers to bond with their sons and to teach their sons to grow up to be men than by shooting bb guns with them in the house?  Oh sure, a few of mother’s prized figureens may have to be sacrificed, and little Suzie’s buttox will probably never be the same — but it’s a small price to pay for teaching little boys what it really means to be a man — 1963 style!

Now then wasn’t that fun?  I hope you liked our little foray into the world of 1963, Dear Readers!

Until next time . . . I love you