Hey Lookie! Hitler’s Got a Logo

Welcome Dear Readers to my video series called Magazines with Linda.  Join me won’t you as we flip through a magazine from 1931.

 

Until next time, I love you

Fun with Global Warming

Welcome Dear Readers to Friday Fictioneers where participants write a 100-word story about the new picture that is posted every week by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields over at Addicted to Purple.

Here’s this week’s cool picture taken by Janet Webb over at her blog, This That and The Other Thing:

Copyright Janet Webb
Copyright Janet Webb

Fun with Global Warming

“I just love Global Warming, Harvey!  I’ve lost ten pounds already on my all-fish diet!”

“You look great, Delores.  Love your shoes!”

“Thanks. I got them at Just Galoshes!”

“Oh no!  Delores!  Our new rowboat’s sprung a leak!”

“What? Where’d you get it? Oh don’t tell me!  Al Gore’s Rowboat Palace and Oar Emporium?”

“Yes.”

“Please say you got a life-time warranty, Harvey.”

“No.”

“A two-year, no-leak service plan?”

“No.”

“A 30-day guarantee?”

“No.”

“Did you get anything?”

“Just a pat on the back and two-week’s free Internet service.”

“That’s it?”

“And Al’s personal assurance.”

“Which was?”

“You’ll never Tipper!”

"Come buy my rowboats!"
“Come buy my rowboats!  Yeah!”

* * *

Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields over at Addicted to Purple for faithfully hosting this super-fun challenge each and every week.

Until next time . . . I love you

My Bill Murray Groundhog Day Kiss

I’m not usually a lucky person. The slot machines I play are sure to be clinkety-clank-less, the numbers on my raffle tickets go unannounced, and, truth be told, I’ve never even had an opportunity to shout the word “Bingo” . . . unless, of course, it was his name-o.

So when I got kissed by Bill Murray at the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-am Golf Tournament, they had to call the fire department to get me down from Cloud 9.

“No, you idiot, that’s Cloud 8!”

The whole thing would have never happened had I not stepped on the toes of a good-natured, somewhat tipsy Englishman while trying to get a glimpse of Clint Eastwood at the fifth hole at Spyglass -; breaking the ice between the Englishman and I, while simultaneously breaking most of his toes.

Not the exact Englishman  but gawdawful like him.

Clint proceeded to hit a ball that landed squarely on the green. Now, for secretive, humorous reasons known only to the British, this sent my new Broken Toed Buddy into a fit of laughter and ear-splitting wise-crack-ery; the likes of which can only be achieved after enjoying a hearty three-martini breakfast.

Take a Mulligan, Clint!” The English One advised and began to chant. “Mulli! Mulli! Mulli!” Finally, Clint turned to him and assuming his famous Dirty Harry persona (at least that’s what I assumed he was assuming) replied“Yeah, OK,” a comment to which the gallery responded with an explosion of laughter so uproarious, I was left to conclude that everybody there was British.

Then . . . suddenly . . . like a Cinderella story out of nowhere – weaving his way through the throngs to the tee—appeared The Great and Powerfully Funny, Bill Murray, Himself.

Bill Murray signing autographs at the AT&T Pro Am Pebble Golf Tournment
The Great and Powerfully Funny Bill Murray, Himself!

“Look! It’s Bill Murray!” I observed with all the subtlety of Lucy Ricardo spotting William Holden at the Brown Derby. My English Buddy didn’t miss a beat. “Hey Bill!” He screamed over the crowd. “This lady would like a kiss!”

Bill Murray responded by slowly turning around like he was Moe Howard hearing the dreaded phrase “Niagara Falls!” As he headed my way, the crowd was giddy with anticipation. I know it’s weird and maybe I’ve been watching too much I Love Lucy but what was running through my head at that exact moment was, “Wait until Ethel hears about this!”

Then, Bill Murray positioned himself in front of me and politely waited for the crowd to get their cameras ready and when the time was right . . .

Getting a kiss from Bill Murray
BINGO!

. . . suddenly the AT&T golf tournament faded away, and it was just me and my lips and Bill Murray kissing me . . . with his lips. I don’t know how long we kissed. It could have been an instant or it could have been an hour or possibly four or five hours (but I doubt it) that I was suspended in the bliss of Bill Murray’s kiss.

On the drive home, I suddenly realized it was February 2nd which meant – that’s right – I got kissed by Bill Murray on Groundhog day. And in the immortal the words of Carl the Greens keeper — after he was granted total consciousness on his deathbed by the Dali Lama –I thought:

So I got that going for me . . . which is nice.”

Bill Murray as Carl the Greens Keeper

Until next time . . . I love you (and that goes double for Bill Murray)

Golf Commentary in a Universe Where Nobody Keeps Tract of Strokes, Yardage or Statistics

golf course grass

Commentator # 1:  There goes the great legendary golfer Arnold Palmer.

Commentator # 2:  Arnold Palmer!

Commentator # 1:  He sure is good at golfing!

Commentator # 2:  He’s won the Masters like . . . a bunch of times.

Commentator # 1:  I know!  He’s the winning-est winner who ever won!

Commentator # 2:  You can say that again!

Commentator # 1:  He’s the winning-est winner who ever won!

Commentator # 2:  Ah ha haaaa!

Commentator # 1:   Ha ha ha!

Commentator # 2:  Ah ha haaaa HA HA!

Commentator # 1:  HAAAAAAAAA ha!

Commentator # 2:  ahhhh . . . but seriously remember that time the great legendary golfer, Arnold Palmer, was playing in the Masters and he got up on the green and he eventually putted the ball into the hole?

Commentator # 1:  An Incredible moment!

Commentator # 2:  That will forever cement the great, legendary golfer, Arnold Palmer, in the annals of golf greatness.

Commentator # 1:  What will?

Commentator # 2:  The way he putted the ball into the hole at the Masters.

Commentator # 1:  Oh that!

Commentator # 2: Yeah what did you think we were talking about?

Commentator # 1:  I thought we were talking about his hair.

Commentator # 2: No, really?  Ha ha ha!

Commentator # 1:  Ah ha haaaa!

Commentator # 2:   Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Commentator # 1:  Ah ha haaaa HA HA!

Commentator # 2:  Haaaaaaa HA!

Commentator # 1:  Ahhhhh . . . .but seriously the truly noble thing about the great, legendary golfer, Arnold Palmer, is that he came from an ordinary background in which he didn’t have to overcome anything and yet he’s arguably the best golfer who has ever lived.

Commentator # 2:  What about Tiger?

Commentator # 1:  I said arguably.

Commentator # 2:  Oh, sorry  I didn’t hear that part.

Commentator # 1: No, really?  Ha ha ha!

Commentator # 2:  Ah ha haaaa!

Commentator # 1:   Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Commentator # 2:  Ah ha haaaa HA HA!

Commentator # 1:   Ahhhh . . . . but seriously, do you know how many times the great legendary golfer Arnold Palmer has made a hole in one?

Commentator # 2:  Who would know something like that?

Commentator # 1:  I don’t know, but I bet it’s a bunch.

Commentator # 1:  Yeah probly.

Commentator # 2:  You mean probably?

Commentator # 1:  No.

Commentator # 2:  Ah ha haaaa!

Commentator # 1:   Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Commentator # 2:  Ah ha haaaa HA HA!

Commentator # 1:  Haaaaaaa HA!

Commentator # 2:  Yup.  There he goes the legendary golfer Arnold Palmer!

Commentator # 1:  I wonder where he’s going?

Commentator # 2:  Probably to the bathroom.

Commentator # 1:  You mean probly?

Commentator # 1: Yup!  Ha ha ha!

Commentator # 2:  Ah ha haaaa!

Commentator # 1:   Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Commentator # 2:  Ah ha haaaa HA HA!

 

 

Until next time . . . I love you

 

Linda’s Guide To Speedy Novel Writing

Hello friends and welcome to the post that is going to change your life! 

Have you ever wanted to be a bestselling novel writer but thought it was too complicated or would take too long?

Well think no more!  Renowned Bestselling Novel Writer Wannabe Linda Vernon will have you mastering the art of writing a bestselling novel before the end of this post.  After all, they don’t call her  Renowned Bestselling Novel etc. etc. for nothing!

So let’s begin, shall we?

Step One: Obtain a Vocabulary

To become a bestselling novel writer, the first thing you are going to need is   are  is some words.  Here are (or is) some common places where words can be obtained:

1) Coming out of people’s mouths

2) Written on books, pamphlets, and brochures.

3)  Scrawled on park benches

4)  Cash register receipts

5)  Government documents

6)  Under rocks

7)  Carved into trees

8)  Hidden in tattoos

9)  Crop Circles

10)  Menus

Now that you are an EXPERT on how to find words, the next thing you will need is a bucket in which to place the words you just obtained like I did:

Vocabulary I have managed to obtain.

Step Two:  Find a Lucky Charm

Bestselling authors have always known that to be successful, they must beg, borrow, or scrape off the bottom of someone’s shoe a lucky charm.

Renowned Bestselling Author Wannabe Linda Vernon suggests you purchase an authentic Evel Knievel Lucky Charm Coin that renowned stuntman, Evel Knievel, kept in his pocket each time he performed a motorcycle stunt.

Yeah, he did break every bone in his body every single stunt, but think what would have happened if he HADN’T been carrying his lucky charm!

Artist’s Rendering of the Evel Knievel Coin

Evel Knievel Coins are free*
*(But allow $32,000 for Shipping and Handling –seems like a lot but they are handled non-stop for a couple of months!)

Step Three: Dump and Title

Now that you have successfully obtained your words and ordered your lucky charm, it is now time to dump you Lil’ Bucket o’ Words onto the pages of your novel.  (Depending upon how quickly your computer copy and paste function works, this should take no more than one to two seconds.)

Now for the fun part!  Coming up with a title for your bestselling novel!

To save you time, Renowned Bestselling Novel Writer Wannabe Linda Vernon has taken the liberty of designing a One-Title-Fits-All-Genres book cover design she guarantees they won’t be able to pull off the bookshelf fast enough!

The Wind Has No Last Name?
by
Your name here!

And there you have it, dear reader/bestselling novel writer!  You are now a bona-fide Bestselling Novelist.  If you don’t feel any different, don’t worry, it might take a couple of hours before this post takes effect.

Until next time . . . I love you

Lady MacBlump’s Peculiar Love

Lady Mildred Madonna Anita MacBlump

Wasn’t fat nor obese, she was pleasingly plump

 

She pined for Lord Luther Wisconsin Parcheesie

He was thin as a rail and always uneasy

 

Now Mildred MacBlump, she liked eating vermilion

And soft ice cream cones, it would seem, by the million

 

Whenever Lord Luther Wisconsin Parcheesie

Laid eyes on the sight of ice cream he got queasy

 

Lord Luther Wisconsin asked Mildred to marry

She asked him, “But aren’t you allergic to dairy?”

 

But Lord Luther Wisconsin Parcheesie replied,

“Of course not Dear Lady!” (he quite blatantly lied)

 

And so Luther and Mildred were quickly conjoined

And ate steak after steak at the wedding (sirloined)

 

How much they enjoyed their wedded-bliss dream!

Until someone suggested they serve some ice cream

 

In the end, all it took was the smallest of bites

To extinguish Lord Luther Parcheesie’s night lights

 

And so Mildred MacBlump she just stiffened her lip

And heroically finished her Mint Chocolate Chip

Lord Luther Wisconsin Parcheesie and Lady Mildred Anita Madonna MacBlump

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Current Events Coloring Pages

Dear Readers.  I think you’ll agree when I say that this world doesn’t need more current events.  What this world needs is more current events coloring pages.  To that end, this blog has taken it upon itself to provide coloring pages for today’s true news stories gleaned from around the world.

Computer Scientist Valery Spiridonov is set to become the first man in history to undergo a head transplant.

The 30-year-old suffers from Werdnig-Hoffman disease, a genetic muscle wasting disorder that has left him confined to a wheelchair.

Dr. Sergio Canavero thinks that he can successfully perform the head transplant and has announced that he will attempt the procedure within the next two years. But medical professionals have branded Dr. Sergio Canavero’s idea as completely nuts.

First Man in History to Undergo Head Transplant Coloring Page

Head Transplant Coloring Page

 

A Robot named Kirobo kept astronauts company during its 18-month stay aboard the space station.

In 2013, a robot named Kirobo spent 18 months in space before returning to Earth in February of this year.

During its stay, the robot was involved in numerous experiments and spent hours conversing with the astronauts.  Yorichika Nishijima said, “It’s sort of a symbolic project so people can understand how people interact with robots.

Kirobo Conversing With Astronauts For 18 Months Coloring Page

Japanese Robot Converses with astronauts in space station

 

A peculiar animal so strange Charles Darwin was baffled by it was unearthed in Uruguay 180 years ago. 

With the body of a horse, the legs of a camel and the nose of an elephant, this creature roamed the earth about 10,000 years ago. The bizarre species called a Macrauchenia Patachonica was a complete mystery to scientists at the time.

Now scientists, including specialists from the University of York and the Natural History Museum in London, have been able to use a technique called protein sequencing to determine that this bizarre species was actually a close relative of the horse.

The Scientifically Exact Rendering of What Scientists Believe the Marcrauchenia Patachonica Looked Like Coloring Page

the Marauchenia Patachonica

 

And that concludes the current affairs coloring pages for today, Dear Readers.

Until next  time. . . Happy Coloring