Fortune Cookie Fortunes Rejected by the Fortune Cookie Factory for Being Too Negative

If you always see the glass as half empty, you’re probably a lush
Time was on your side but it switched over to the other team
Everything you’ve ever done in your entire life has been a disaster including the way you comb your bangs
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single schlep
If intelligence were luggage, you’d be that little cylindrical container that holds your toothbrush
If at first you don’t succeed . . . well, better just get used to it
You need to learn to prioritize – stop spending so much time crying over spilt milk and start spending more time crying over the fact that you’re a big fat loser
Don’t jump! . . . On second thought never put off for tomorrow what you can do today
Your wildest dreams will come true–oh sorry! I thought you were someone else
Until next time . . . I love you
If I were you, I’d reject their rejection letter. The fortune in their cookies is a dud anyway. Who are they trying to fool? Even the lucky numbers on the back won’t win you the lottery. Perhaps they should rename them Unfortunate Cookies–as they lack flavor and contain no chocolate chips.
You said a mouthful of wisdom with this comment! They shouldn’t even be allowed to call themselves a cookies! And no chocolate chips!! It’s a travesty!!