Welcome Dear Readers to this week’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories. Today Gregory learned about Jesus and forgiveness.
Let’s listen in as Gregory tells us all about it.
One day Jesus was invited to have dinner at the house of Simon, the Pharisee. The Pharisees were a group of middle-class biblical businessmen who hung around the Chamber of Commerce every waking minute to make sure everyone followed all the rules correctly.
Jesus and Simon were just sitting down to dinner when a woman who leads a sinful life knocked at the door:
Simon: Who is it?
Woman Who Leads a Sinful Life: It’s me. The woman who leads a sinful life.
Simon: Can you narrow it down a little?
WWLASL: I’m the woman who leads a sinful life and carries around an alabaster jar of perfume wherever I go?
Simon: Hm. . . wait a minute . . . you’re not the woman who leads a sinful life who carries around an alabaster jar of perfume wherever she goes and has hundreds cats are you?
WWLASL: No that’s my sister. She’s always borrowing my alabaster jar of perfume without asking. If you’ve ever noticed, it’s got scratches all over it. Anyway, I heard Jesus was eating dinner with you, and I was wondering if it would be okay if I came in and stood behind him and cried.
Simon: Is that okay with you Jesus?
Simon the Pharisee opened the door and let the Woman Who Leads a Sinful Life inside and she went over to Jesus and stood behind him — by his feet, crying, and wetting his feet with her tears. (Some biblical scholars believe Jesus’s Feet were double-jointed causing them to be in the correct position for getting wet if they were being watered by the tears of a woman who was standing behind him. Still other biblical scholars believe, however, that they work too hard and went home early.)
Simon: Excuse me? Hey you! Woman Who Leads a Sinful Life! Your tears are getting Jesus’s Feet wet.
WWLASL: Oh I’m so sorry! Gosh this is embarrassing. Do you have a towel–well never mind I’ll just use my beautiful, long hair.
The Woman Who Leads a Sinful Life then kissed Jesus’s Feet, and poured all the perfume from her alabaster jar onto the Jesus’s Feet. Simon was thinking that if Jesus really was a prophet, he would know she was the Woman Who Leads A Sinful Life. But if Jesus knew that, he wasn’t letting on. Instead Jesus completely changed the subject:
Jesus: There were two men who owed money to a moneylender. One owed him five hundred silver coins and the other one fifty.
Simon: Oy! This isn’t going to be another arithmetic story problem is it?
Jesus: No don’t worry. It’s a parable. Anyway, the moneylender canceled the debts. Which man would love him more?
Simon: Uh . . . the one who was forgiven more?
WWLASL: Is that your final answer?
Simon: You stay out of this.
Jesus: Do you see this woman? I came into your home and you gave me no water for my feet, but she has washed my feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. You did not welcome me with a kiss but she has not stopped kissing my feet since I came. You provided no olive oil for my head but she has covered my feet with perfume.
Simon: Am I correct in assuming, then, that my killer recipe for Simon The Pharisees Tuna Noodle Casserole Delight didn’t make up for all that?
But if Jesus heard Simon’s question, there is no record of it in the bible.
And there you have it, Dear Readers. Please check back next week at this same time to see what Gregory learns next in Sunday School.
Until next time . . . I love you