Confessions of a New Age Failure

My Karma’s hit a snafu

My third eye’s on the blink

My Chakra lights are dimming

And my Guru is a fink

My mantra it has asthma

My Buddha’s out to lunch

To top it off my psychic’s got

Her bloomers in a bunch

 My levitation doesn’t work

My Medium’s not rare

My Kirlian Photography

Just makes me want to swear!

My paradigm it doesn’t shift

My Om has left the room

My stupid cosmic consciousness

Is full of doom and gloom

My ESP is DOA

My dowser is a louse

My Astral Body’s far too fat

My aura wears a blouse!

So to  you all I bid adieu

And hope you won’t be bitter

But when it comes to New Age stuff

My higher self’s a quitter