Pottery Barn Sad

Good News!  The latest edition of the Pottery Barn Catalog arrived by Pottery Barn Pony Express just seconds ago!

Let’s open a page at random, shall we?

Finally, a glimpse into the mind of the Pottery Barn People for whom the Pottery Barn Rooms have been specifically decorated for! 

White Board from Pottery Barn $54.00
This isn't just a white board, it's a way of life!

Pottery Barn is offering this whiteboard to its customers for $54!  Oh sure, Pottery Barn knows you can get the exact same thing at Wal-Mart for $10. 

They didn’t just fall off the truffle truck yesterday, you know! 

But PB also knows that the real value of this white board lies not in the actual white board itself; but in the hip, aristocratic lifestyle that has been casually, yet carefully outlined for us in a manner that implies the targeted Pottery Barn Person of whom we are speaking is either a) descended from royalty or b) vice versa.

Is this the stuff us ordinary people’s dreams are made of or what?

As you can see written on the $54 white board, Pottery Barn is going “Truffle Hunting on Labor Day!”

Probably with the Queen of England and Camilla who they will make do all the digging, of course.  (But that’s another Pottery Barn story for another Pottery Barn day.)

On the 17th is scribbled:  Grams” 

Now we aren’t sure exactly who or what Grams is.  Either PB is planning a Graham Cracker Festival that day; or something is going on with Grandma — even though Pottery Barn wouldn’t be caught dead referring to “Grams” as Grandma because that would significantly lower the price of their $54 white board back down to Wal-Mart’s $10 price.

No, Pottery Barn is probably referring to  “Dear ol’ Grams” who is bff with the Queen and who organizes the family truffle hunt every year. 

Yes Grams! Who was also the first woman to ever romp on the beach wearing nothing but a barrel and a puffy hat back in 1874 — which is why sometimes Pottery Barn doesn’t want people to know about Grams.

Pottery Barn Grandma
"Dear Ol Grams" just seconds before the madness happened.

Then on the 8th, there’s an interesting note that simply reads: Pick cat color for bedroom! 

Rest assured, dear reader, that Pottery Barn will choose a cat the coloring of which will not only flatter; but will also go so far as to worship the Benjamin Moore paint colors in the bedroom.

350 Thread Count Kitty Boasting Persian Hand-dyed Eyes should do nicely!

But sadly, the very next day  – in square 24 of PB’s $54 white board – there’s a rather ominous magnetic letter “d” just sticking there as magnets are wont to do.

This can only mean one of two things a) Divorce or b) Diflorce and since Deflorce  isn’t a word it’s probably Divorce. But anyway, Pottery Barn doesn’t feel like talking about it.  OK? 

Let’s respect that.

Until next time . . . I love you

27 thoughts on “Pottery Barn Sad

  1. Sadly, this is probably made by indonesian children who are only paid $54.
    For the year.
    On the bright side, $54 probably buys a years worth of organic seaweed at the PB company store.

  2. I see on Tuesdays it’s FAMILY NIGHT! (Imagine me flapping my hands together in a grandiose clapping gesture). I hope everyone sits around in hounds-tooth patterned riding pants and swizzles rustic cinnamon sticks in their hot cocoas, playing a spirited game of backgammon.

  3. At my house we save $54 and use Post-It Notes that may or may not have been pilfered from the office. We could save another $54 of we write on the back of each Post-It. But then the only truffle hunting that WE do is in the Godiva shop at the mall.

    • Keeping track of your appointments on pilfered post-it’s eh? Well, now that it’s been made public, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Pottery Barn sellling Pottery Barn sustainable, recyclable post-its in the next catalog. They’ll probably be made out of seaweed.

  4. Nothing like marking another significant date with “Grams” on the $54 white board. Thank God for Pottery barn. Without which I would never know that on September 13-15th I need to “G”.

    • Darn! I missed that one. It’s probably got something to do with the Queen’s G-string. I’m just guessing, of course, for, I, being your mother have absolutely no idea what a g-string actually is, mind you.

  5. If I was going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, that hat would be my headgear of choice. And I think you’ve got a world first there – ‘the Queen’ and ‘g-string’ in the same sentence.

  6. Ahhhhhh you have done it again!!! Made the ridiculous hysterical and I was already absolutely in stitches when I got to the end and holy cracked i can’t even stop giggling – the Queen and Grams and hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa
    $54 for a white board – boy oh boy let my kids at it then put it in the catalog truffle hunting lol….wwwwhewww i gotta wipe my eyes! I have missed you too!! BBFF you ROCK the Pottery Barn without a DOUBT!!!!! lol hee hee

    • Holy Lizzie Cracked! I’m so glad you liked it my BBFF! BTW, I know you were trying to think of a name for when you’re a grandma . . . I’m thinking what about Grams! You don’t happen to have any barrels in your wardrobe do you? In fact, maybe I’ll take it on myself and I think my grandson at 2 and a half is still young enough so that I could make it stick. Yeah, I may rock out and do that. Gram’s rockin’ out! Oh! I like it.

      • I m actually kinda liking Grams – funny Ive been mulling it over since I read this post lol…ill have to run it by 18 yo and see what she thinks casue the boy and I have lots of conversations and I get hung up everytime I get to refering to myself in the third person – cause we know thats always cool to talk to babies like that 🙂 LizzieGrams – LizzieCracked Grams ….;-)

        not to be confused with LizzieGums lmao. 🙂
        Lemme know how the 2 yo takes to it – um calling you Grams- not the lizziegums crack –

  7. I hope it’s not the expensive mushroom type truffles. I saw a documentary on those and the mafia is involved. I wouldn’t want anyone to get killed with cement shoes on. The grams is probably talking about drugs. You need to have a good job to afford all of that stuff and I think the “d” could be for deflowering someone. Maybe that’s Beau’s birthday present. You know…after midnight of course.

    • Lorrelee! I loved the way your mind works, you’ve got a whole different take on this thing and I’m loving it! The mafia, drugs, deflowering . . . I think it would make a great movie starring Johnny Depp and Angela Lansbury.

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