33-Word Trifecta Challenge: The Movie Set

Welcome Dear Readers to this weekend’s Trifecta Writing Challenge where we are asked to write to about famous trios.

One Day on the Movie Set

This scene needs pigs, who hired the bears?

The mice, sir.

Are they, blind?


Who hired blind casting directors?

Three Musketeers, sir. 

Bring them here!



Eaten by the bears, sir.

“Hey! Save some fluffy nugget center for your old man, will ya?”

Until next time  . . . I love you



The Lighter Side of Gangrene

Dear Readers!  Where is the time going?  I get up, I have my coffee and viola! Noon!

Today I’m only posting  this little limerick from the archives!  Please enjoy it! (I’ll feel guilty if you don’t!)


There once was a girl named Doreen

Who was as tall as a mutant string bean

Even when kneeling

Her head hit the ceiling

And now both her ears have gangrene

Until next time . . . I love you

Friday Fictioneers: If It’s Not One Thing It’s Another

Welcome Dear Readers!  It’s time for Friday Fictioneers!  Which means it’s time to pack up our knapsacks with 100 words of our own choosing, hike up to the top of our imaginations and jump off!  

Here’s this week’s creatively-inspirational picture brought to us via our Friday Fictioneer Hostess, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields at her blog, Addicted to Purple. Today’s picture was lent to us by Rich Voza over at Brainsnorts.com


 If It’s Not One Thing It’s Another

Melissa! The blue one! Get it!  If any fall,  we’re fired.

We should quit, Roger.

But working at Doors-into-Nowhere-Land is just — ack! the yellow one —a stepping stone to getting better jobs at Disneyland, Melissa!


But what Melissa?  Hold that thought –the red one!

Couldn’t we just visit Disney– Roger! The yellow one! –land?

You mean just visit Disneyland for– oh that stupid blue one! –fun?

Yes! Let’s go tomorrow.  The red one, Roger! It’s our day off!

Hey!  Good–yikes the yellow one!–idea!

Oh Roger! I love—lookout for the blue one—you!

 * * *

Until next time . . . I love you


Lemonmaringuepieuary 1, Year Onesie

Dear Readers! This weekend’s Trifecta Writing Challenge says:  give us a 33-word time travel story.

Lemonmaringuepieuary 1, Year Onsie

Dear Fellow Time-Travelers,

Just a heads up.  Unless you love and I mean LOVE Lemon Maringue Pie, skip Lemonmaringuepieuary and go directly to Somepumpkinpieber.  Better pie and flying cars!

Love ya,

Time-Traveler Tina

Linda Vernon Humor Trifecta Writing Challenge
Oh Goodie! Here come the pies!


Until next time . . . I love you

The Pensive Potato

The Pensive Potato

Linda Vernon Humor potaot humor

The Pensive Potato, he knows not what

He’s so worried about, what’s the scuttlebutt?

Does he think about war?

Does he think about ruin?

Does he think about becoming a Boston Bruin?


The Pensive Potato, he doesn’t know how

He is able to worry or furrow his brow

Does he think about sin?

Does he think about death?

When pulled out of the ground does he take a deep breath?


 The Pensive Potato, when he looks around

He sees skillet and burner in butter he’s drowned

Does he know he exists?

Well, he probably doesn’t

In fact, he’s quite sure that he probably wasn’t

* * * 

Until next time . . . I love you

Friday Fictioneers: The Old Man and The See

Welcome Dear Readers!  Great News! If I was abducted by aliens last night, they returned me!  Proving once again it’s the little things that make life worth living.  

Speaking of making life worth living, it’s Friday Fictioneers Picture Prompt Challenge Day brought to us by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields over at her blog, Addicted to Purple.  Today’s 100-word story challenge is inspired by this picture:

Copyright – John Nixon

The Old Man and The See

Hello little lady, I see you got dishes.


You got anything for gout?

Sorry no.

I see you got lots of sweaters.


I was on a battleship in the Pacific in WWII. Four years.


I see you got washboards.


I was a marksman so they put me as a gunner.  I killed a lot of people.


You got anything for gout?

Sorry no.

I see you got wedding dresses.


My wife’s been dead 14 years now come September.


I see you got clocks.


You got anything for gout?

Sorry no.

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

My Brain Peanuts Remembers: Candy

Welcome Dear Readers!  I was thinking about candy yesterday. Maybe because Halloween is coming up or maybe because some days is just for sittin’ around thinkin’ ’bout candy. (Sorry, sometimes my brain, Peanuts, gets really obnoxious.)

Here’s some of the vintage gum and candy that my brain, Peanuts, remembers.

Black Jack Gum


Black Jack Gum was a whole heck of a lot of fun.  It had it’s own original flavor which tasted a little like black licorice but not quite.  But the really cool thing about Black Jack Gum was that it was almost black so you could put it on your teeth and make it look like your two front teeth had been knocked out.  Which is always a bonus when you’re between the ages of five and twelve 61.

Double Bubble Bubble Gum

Vintage Dubble Bubble Gum

Our local store had a box of Double Bubble Gum in the candy rack.It must have been there for many years because the Double Bubble gum was as hard as a rock, and it actually hurt to chew it. When I was a kid, I thought the funnies that came with the Double Bubble bubble gum were included to make you feel better while you were experiencing the pain of chewing.

Bazooka Bubble Gum:

Bazooka Bubble Gum Linda Vernon Humor

And an example of the comics found therein:

This one is actually funnier than I remembered.
I bought Bazooka Bubble Gum occasionally (they were a lot softer to chew) but, frankly, I preferred the Double Bubble bubble gum solely because I thought Double Bubble  comics were funnier.


I remember eating Necco Sugar Wafers as a kid.  I never really cared for them much, but for some reason I would still occasionally buy them and try to eat them.  These tended to be the kinds of candies that would end up in the dust bunnies under children’s beds all over America along with jelly beans, candy hearts and black licorice Saltwater taffy.

Necco Candy wafers

According to Wikipedia, Necco Sugar Wafers have been around since 1847. Okay, maybe in 1847, when everything kind of sucked in general, people were fine with eating candy that tasted like Tums but why do people eat them today?  Could it be that “Tums”  is a classic flavor that will never go out of style?

Big Hunk

Linda Vernon Humor Vintage Candy Commentary

They really were big too.  And they were only a nickel!  I have no idea what they were made out of.  They did have peanuts in them, an unpleasant fact I never let deter me because the taste of the taffy-like candy would block out the taste of the peanuts or, perhaps they used peanuts that didn’t have any flavor, which was fine by me.

Then there were Jawbreakers:

Linda Vernon Humor vintage candy commentary

The particular jawbreaker that always sticks in my mind were the ones you could buy for a while in the 1950’s called Sputniks.  They were blue and had little spikes sticking out of them.  They really made your mouth sore –even more sore than stale Double Bubble bubble gum did, and they didn’t even come with comics to make you feel better while you were eating them!  Plus they tasted pretty horrible.

I suspect the Sputnick Jawbreaker was part of a government propaganda program to remind children how evil the Russian’s were for having launched a satellite up in space before we did.

Well Dear Readers, that’s about all the remembering my brain, Peanuts, is capable of today. But there are lots and lots vintage candy bars that are stuck between the teeth of my brain, Peanuts synapses — which might be worth prying loose one of these days.

In the meantime, my brain, Peanuts, wonders what your favorite candy was  a kid . . . 

Until next time . . . I love you

Trifecta Writing Challenge: Those Imploring Eyes!

Welcome Dear Readers!  The Trifecta Writing Challenge this weekend is to write 33-words that are an apostrophe, which is a literary device defined as:  “A figure of speech in which some absent or nonexistent person or thing is addressed as if present and capable of understanding.” 

Those Imploring Eyes!

Look at me not with those eyes!

Those imploring eyes!

I confess my heart is not made of stone.

And likely to be kind.

Were it not for the emptiness I feel inside!

Linda Vernon Humor potaot humor
image by Linda Vernon
Potato manipulation by Linda Vernon

Until next time . . . I love you

Pottery Barn: The Decor That Will Make You More Intriguing

Welcome Dear Readers! Happy Friday! Well after a long week of slaving over a hot keyboard, this blog is taking the day off, and is serving up this archived Pottery Barn post for your viewing pleasure! Have a great Friday! See you tomorrow!

Dear Readers!  The new Pottery Barn Catalog just arrived and not a moment too soon!  For you see, in this issue of The Catalog, Pottery Barn finally provides solutions to how we, as boring, ordinary citizens, can become more intriguing!

“Your Home Tells the Intriguing Story of who you are, where you’ve been and what inspires you most.”Pottery Barn Catalog August 2012

What Pottery Barn means by this is that your home WILL tell an intriguing story of how intriguing you are IF you purchase fake-intriguing-story-about-you decor from Pottery Barn.

Frankly, PB suspects you’re not all that intriguing which is why Pottery Barn has taken the liberty of punching up your life through the use of decor that implies you are all that and a bag of potato chips. Let’s look as some examples, shall we?

The intriguing story this Pottery Barn wall decor says about you is:

  You don’t quite understand about the alphabet. 

Oh sure we all learned our ABC’s . . . except for you.  Why?  Because you were too busy helping Pottery Barn’s “Grams.”

Pottery Barn White Board ($56) where Grams makes her first appearance in the Pottery Barn Catalog
Pottery Barn’s White Board ($56) featuring “Grams”

For you see, you were always hunting for truffles at Martha’s Vineyard with your beloved Pottery Barn Grams and therefore; you never attended school with all the other “saps” which means you can’t read or write. So now you obsessively nail gigantic wooden letters to your walls.  So what? That’s not weird, it’s intriguing!

The intriguing story this Pottery Barn vignette says about you is:

You’re favorite snack is honey and shredded Parmesan cheese.

Ah! Nothing quenches the thirst and eases the hunger pangs quite like a refreshing jar of honey and a big ol’ heaping bowl of shredded Parmesan cheese after a long day of helping Grams frantically dig for truffles at Martha’s Vineyard in the backyard estates of the rich and famous before they come home.

You and Grams prefer a snack that sticks to your ribs, your fingers as well as your Pottery Barn Vintage Printer’s Customizable Cabinet!  Oh sure, let people roll their eyes at how messy you are!  That’s the difference between them and you.  They’re stupid, and YOU’RE INTRIGUING!

The  intriguing story this Pottery Barn Blackboard says about you is:

Your grandmother is a drug dealer.

If you look closely at this blackboard, you will see that somebody has written “EMPTY Da Da Da Da.”  and  “Do EMPTY 4” 

And you know you didn’t write it because you are too intriguing to know how to read and write.  Could it have been Grams?

Wait a minute why are the police leading Grams out to that police car?

What? All those truffles Grams was digging up (and sampling) turned out to be hallucinogenic mushrooms which she apparently was selling to earn money to purchase intriguing-story-about-you decor from Pottery Barn?

Ha ha!  That Grams!  While most grandmothers are sitting at home in their rocker knitting sweaters, reading  Reader’s Digest and clipping coupons, YOUR Grams is trading cigarettes, working out and filing appeals!

And if that doesn’t make YOU intriguing, Pottery Barn doesn’t know what does!

Until next time . . . I love you

Edgar Allan Poe’s Cheery Living Magazine

Welcome Dear Readers!  I am so excited! As you may know, from time to time this blog takes it upon itself  to attempt to cheer up American Literature’s most Gloomy Gus, Edgar Allan Poe.  And in that light, I feel this blog is making a little progress.   Check out Edgar Allan Poe’s new magazine! Cheering up Edgar Allan Poe, Linda Vernon Humor

WE can only hope, Dear Readers, that this his new positive attitude has staying power!


Until next time . . . I love you

Friday Fictioneers: I’d Rather Be Parallel Universing

Welcome Dear Readers to Friday Fictioneers located at the corner of Fiction Street and Ears Avenue.

Friday Fictioneers is a 100-word story writing challenge hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields at Addicted to Purple where challengers write a 100-word story about the picture that Rochelle posts every Wednesday.

And this week’s story prompt picture is:  buddy-uddy-uddy-uddy (← drum roll)


Copyright – Jan Wayne Fields

I’d rather be Parallel Universing

Anna!  Look!  We’re in the Parallel Universe!

It’s almost exactly like our universe, Bob.  Our names are even the same!

Ugh!  Anna, the ocean’s saltwater!  Don’t cry Anna.  It’s not that bad.

I miss our Lime Jello ocean.

At least  they have the same statue!  Doesn’t that make you feel better?



She’s not holding a stick of Arid Extra Dry deodorant like ours is.

Oh Anna, cheer up!  Look!  Some of the words on the plaque are the same as ours!

Which ones?

. . . your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free . . .

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

Picture-less-ly Yours

Welcome Dear Readers!   Thank you for coming. I apologize in advance for the fact that this will be a picture-less blog.

So I will try to paint pictures for you using my vast command of the English language if you can call three verbs, a semi-colon and a non-dangling participle a “vast command.”

This blog is picture-less because I am writing it on my beloved Ipad. I love my Ipad but I don’t know how to get pictures into a blog using it.  It’s not that I don’t like reading instructions it’s just that . . . wait a minute . . . yes it is.

Okay, here’s where I would insert a picture of a lady with her eyeballs rolled up and her tongue sticking out to one side wearing a little cap tipped askew on the opposite side as her tongue is sticking out and with her index finger on her chin. The caption would read:

“Uh oh did somebody say instructions?”

You can just imagine how funny that would be. And if you can’t I suggest you take you’re imagination to the nearest Imagination Store and get it tuned up!

Okay, here’s where I would really make the last paragraph a zinger by inserting a picture of a lady with her eyeballs rolled up and her tongue sticking out to one side while wearing a little cap tipped askew on the opposite side as her tongue is sticking out and walking into a store of some kind. The caption would read:

“Uh oh . . . did somebody say imagination tune-ups?”

Well, you can just imagine how hilarious this would have been had I been able to figure out how to work my Ipad. It would have been off-the-charts funny!

Okay, this is where I would have inserted a picture of a chart where a line went squiggly for awhile and then went straight up past the chart itself and into the margin above it.  

I can’t stop laughing just thinking about it!

Until next time . . . I love you

33-Word Trifecta: Tether Ball, The Sport of Kings

Welcome, Dear Readers, to the Weekend Trifecta Challenge.  Today, we are challenged to write 33-word story incorporating the words: Tether, Loft and Crown.

Tether Ball, The Sport of Kings

King George

When King George would loft himself hither

To attach his ball to the tether

The jab made him cough

And his crown would slip off

Cause if it ain’t one thing it’s anither

Until next time . . . I love you

Photo:  Public Domain — Vintage Printables

List: Inappropriate Kindergarten Backpack Items

Inappropriate Items to Send in Your Child’s Backpack on the First Day of Kindergarten 

Signed blank checks made out to the teacher

Fifty Shades of Gray coloring crayons


The kitty that has ringworm

Five Hour Energy Drinks

Any type of blow torch

Daddy’s arrest warrant

The I Ching

Opened bottles of ink

Mommy’s list of euphemisms for the f-word

Birds of any variety (dead or alive)

Molten Lava

Mommy’s note explaining why she ran off with the Gardner

Any type of antifreeze

Foods that are exactly the same size as a five-year-old’s esophagus

Daddy’s empty Jack Daniels Bottles

Until next time . . . I love you

What Were We Thinking Eighties

Welcome Dear Readers to the very first edition of What Were We Thinking Eighties.  Let’s start with some 1984 crocheting booklets that I was lucky enough to score at the thrift shop yesterday! YES! (Okay, nobody else wanted them, but still!)

Let’s Look Inside Annie’s Pattern Club Newsletter!

Humorous 80's commentary
Isn’t it  inexplicably wonderful?

Annie’s Pattern Club was (or possibly still is) a newsletter where mega-talented crocheters crocheted something original and then sent the pattern to Annie, and she would publish the cream-of-the-crop designs her newsletter.

And as you will see, never have so many people come up with so many crocheted solutions for so many things that were never a problem  in the first place.  Let’s look at a few, shall we?

Crocheted Football Mitts

Crocheted Football Mitts.  Why didn't they ever "catch" on?  Why?
“Gosh!  I don’t understand it.  Billy went to play football with the guys and he didn’t take his  Crocheted Football Mitts I made him.”
“Well that’s weird, maybe he didn’t want the rest of the players to feel bad because they don’t have a pair of Crocheted Football Mitts.”
“You know you’re probably right. I’ll get busy and crochet some mitts for the whole team!”

Church Puppet

Storybook Puppet
Need: Attention Getting Device to Keep Children Focused on Bible Stories.
Crocheted Solution: A church puppet, not to be confused the a church pulpit. (Although, a dust cozy for a church pulpit probably would have  made it into Annie’s Newsletter too.)  But what better way for little children to learn about the bible than through the crocheted lips of this memorable, but-not-in-a-good-way church puppet.  Oh sure it might give the little tikes nightmares, but they’ll certainly never forget the experience (no matter how hard they try).

Lil Guy Tie

Little Guy Tie
“Oh no Helen! I can’t find little Billy’s tie anywhere, and we’re going to be late for the formal occasion for which toddler formal attire  is required. What ever shall I do?”
“Don’t worry, Madge! While you were blabbing on and on just now, I knitted Little Billy a tie, a pair of football mitts and a church puppet.”
“Oh Helen I’m blown away!  Maybe you could crochet me something to wear to a formal occasion while you’re at it.”

What to wear to a formal occasion in the 80’s

Formal ocassion attire 80's style
“Here’s some formal attire I knitted for you while you were blowing your nose, Madge. I think it’s perfect for any formal gathering don’t you?”
“DO I! I’ll be the talk of the town wearing this outfit, Helen. Thank you!”
“You are so welcome, Midge!”
“Uh my name’s Madge.”
“Yeah whatever.  And remember, I’m only loaning you my hat!”

And there you have it Dear Readers, this blogs very first installment of What Were We Thinking Eighties.  

Until next time . . . I love you