A Poem to Make You Think

Begin at the beginning and end at the end

But then again supposin’ that road has a bend?

 

Then begin at the right and work your way left

Or come up the middle (if the road’s got a cleft)

 

Or begin at the end and work your way backwards

Or schlep up the shoulder all sloppy and slackwards

 

Or begin at the right and go in a square

Taking plenty of breaks to sit in the chairimg144

 

 

You took from that idiot right over there →

 

But whatever you do, avoid like the plague

A man with an eye patch who answers to Craig

 

And a lady named Bertha who’ll be eating a lime

(Expressly for reasons pertaining to rhyme)

 

Now take a deep breath and start on your journey

And if you get tired? Remember the gurney . . . 

 

That grandmother willed you (the one from Poughkeepsie)

That you pawned for some money to hire a gypsy

 

Who foretold of everything here you just read 

(Including the part where your Grandmother’s dead)grandma cartoon

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peculiar Poetry: Coma for the Holidays

Coma for The Holidays

As the time between Christmas and New Years drags by

And you’ve opened you gifts and you’ve ate all the pie

 

And you’ve cleaned out your junk drawer and counted your change

And you’ve sung every note that you know in your range

 

And you’ve twiddled your thumbs and the thumbs of your friends

And you’ve read every book that your library lends

 

And you’ve watched every Netflix and Blockbuster show

And you whipped up a cake; and ate all of the dough

 

Well just when you think gosh time must have gone by

You look up at the sun and it’s 12 o’clock high

 

Then all of a sudden, you’re whacked on the head

Sending you into a coma (not dead)

 

It’s something that’s certainly glum and morose

But is it really that bad spending time comatose?

 

As the time between Christmas and New Year’s drags by

You’ll say wake me at New Year’s . . . no wait that’s a lie

 

(you might as well profit from events gone awry)

On second thought . . . make that the Fourth of July

Until next time . . . I love you

 

 

An Ode to the Chemicals in Herbal Essence Hairspray

An Ode to the Chemicals in Herbal Essence Hairspray

ode to the Chemicals in Herbal Essence Hairspray

 Dimethyl Ether Alcohol

Rolling off the tongue, you do enthrall

Plus, you keep my hair in place and all

If I had your name?  I’d have a ball!

Amino Methyl Propanol

My follicles will never fall

My hair it stands up straight and tall

Thanks Amino Methyl Propanol!

Triacetate Ammonium

My hair’s tough . . .  like linoleum

You’re better than petroleum

Now come here and take the podium!

Glycereth-7 Acetate

Do I need to tell you that you’re great?

My hair conforms to your mandate

(Perhaps you are my hair’s soul mate)

Cyclopentasiloxane!

You’re name’s so long it’s quite insane!

But you’ve got my hair on a ball and chain

Your the next best thing since urethane

VA/Crotonates Vinyl

I think you gave my hair a spinal?

Either that or it’s suicidal

Whatever the case, your say is final

PEG-8 Dimethicone

My hair’s addicted to you alone

And wondering if you’d give a loan

Cause it needs to buy some methadone

 

 

Until next time . . . I love you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lady MacBlump’s Peculiar Love

Lady Mildred Madonna Anita MacBlump

Wasn’t fat nor obese, she was pleasingly plump

 

She pined for Lord Luther Wisconsin Parcheesie

He was thin as a rail and always uneasy

 

Now Mildred MacBlump, she liked eating vermilion

And soft ice cream cones, it would seem, by the million

 

Whenever Lord Luther Wisconsin Parcheesie

Laid eyes on the sight of ice cream he got queasy

 

Lord Luther Wisconsin asked Mildred to marry

She asked him, “But aren’t you allergic to dairy?”

 

But Lord Luther Wisconsin Parcheesie replied,

“Of course not Dear Lady!” (he quite blatantly lied)

 

And so Luther and Mildred were quickly conjoined

And ate steak after steak at the wedding (sirloined)

 

How much they enjoyed their wedded-bliss dream!

Until someone suggested they serve some ice cream

 

In the end, all it took was the smallest of bites

To extinguish Lord Luther Parcheesie’s night lights

 

And so Mildred MacBlump she just stiffened her lip

And heroically finished her Mint Chocolate Chip

Lord Luther Wisconsin Parcheesie and Lady Mildred Anita Madonna MacBlump

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edwina Purina Chow Dippity Do

Edwina Purina Chow Dippity Do

Edwina Purina Chow Dippity Do

Bent over to polish her Buster Brown shoe

Buster Brown Shoes

But the polish therein was of toxic aroma

And Edwina Purina fell into a coma

comatose edwina

No one knew what to do for they couldn’t awake her.

So the Doctor was summoned. (He suggested they shake her)

comatose edwina

But yet she lay docile and still as could be

Then someone suggested,   “Push her out of a tree!”

Linda Vernon humor art

So they hoisted her up in a  Giant Sequoia

And everyone helped — even Mike and  Latoya!

Michael and Latoya Jackson

All that was left was to give her a shove

And who better for that than the lieutenant gov?

 Lieutenant Governor

Who ran on a platform of brotherly love

And never did falter when push came to shove

41st Lieutenant Governor of Texas shoving

He shook that sequoia, he had him some muscle

(Attributed mainly to sprouts found in Brussel)

 

sprouts of brussel
“Where you from?” “Brussel”                 “Me too!”

 

Well, the tree started shaking and then the wind blew

And Edwina Purina Chow Dippity Do . . .

comatose edwina

Flew through the air like a bomber (long range)

And landed on top of the Foreign Exchange

Edwina atop the foreign exchange buidling

 

She  opened her eyes and everyone cheered

But to tell you the truth? It was all very weird!

Edwina Purina Chow Dippity Do

 

 

A Visit from The Overly-Creative Writing Lady

Welcome Dear Readers!   I am happy to report that the Overly-Creative Writing Lady has agreed to come by the blog everyday this week and leave us with some some of her very own, unique, overly-creative thoughts on life.  Today, she slipped this poem under the door:

When Writing A Book

by

The Overly-Creative Writing Lady

The Overly Creative Writer Lady breaks in the blog

When writing a book

By hook or by crook

It’s best to start in the middle

Then work out each day

From the middle each way

(With the concept you later can fiddle)

 

overly creative writer lady Linda Vernon Humor

Now don’t give a thought

To the pacing or plot

For those things will take care of themselves

And don’t get bogged down

With the place or the town

(Just make all your characters elves)

overly creative writer lady advice linda vernon humor

Some writers they say

An outline’s the way

To keep it all straight in your head

Well forget what you’ve heard

You can polish each word

(For the rest of your life till your dead)

Overly creative writer lady side view

 Just stick in some sorrow

Some hope for tomorrow

Make your characters lisp with a  limp

You also might try

To give one a glass eye

(On character flaws never scrimp)

Overly creative writer lady linda vernon humor

Now I suppose

It’s time for a close

From the book writing lesson herein

Just remember to try

To keep the bar high

(Perhaps as far up as your chin)

Until next time . . . The Overly-Creative Writer Lady Loves You

Mr. Hoink’s Farm

Linda Vernon humor illustration of cow getting scratched by Mr. Hoink