35 thoughts on “Screw It Monday: Creepy Seventies Jerry Vibes

  1. He had all kinds of weird tips, like using flea powder on your lawn to get rid of ticks, and using mouthwash mixed with dishwasher soap to… oh, what’s the use? I moved away from my house to get out of fruit tree problems.

  2. I am jealous of whatshername. I really, really was hoping Harry Chestnut (funny name, Hairy Chest, Hairy Nut– just the one– I’d call him Sassy, as in Sasquatch because, well, he is hairy in the areas where it matters) would pick me over whatshername. She looks fit for a loony-bin if you ask me.

  3. Mostly, I’m less concerned that he was making friends with my fruit trees, and more concerned that HE WAS IN MY YARD!!!!

    *nails down all the blinds*

  4. You probably already know this but the Simon and Schuster logo is from Vincent’s painting, “The Sower” where I suppose the analogy is supposed to be with scattering the seeds of knowledge. But you knew that, right? And I’m just being too serious to get the entertainment value from your humorous comment?

    • Hahaha! No Donald you’re not too serious, you’re called well-educated! I did not realize that but now I know. By the way, I just got done reading you’re Neil Young piece and enjoyed it very much. I also liked your Christopher Hitchens piece. Lately I’ve been watching a lot of Christopher Hitchens on Youtube What a brilliant mind he had.

  5. Our fig tree is getting so large and its limbs so low, that I feel like I’m violating its branches each day as I move around under it, reaching for purple figs. I think a closer level of intimacy would be too much. I certainly couldn’t call her Fiona Fig Tree. As hard I’ve tried to get pregnant, sometimes I resent her obvious fecundity, dropping fruit right and left. Who does she think she is?

    • You fig tree sounds very happy, but I can see why you don’t want to get too intimate. After all, ironic as it is, too much fig tree time can really eat up the day! And some tree friends are just too fertile for their own good! ;D

  6. I’m very in tune with alternate lifestyles, what with knowing a transvestite called Jane who drinks in my pub. And I’ve heard about these cases, where people feel like an orchard fruit trapped in a man’s body. He even has himself pictured amongst the Golden Delicious trying to blend in and begging to be plucked and made into a thirst quenching scrumpy.

    With today’s scientific advancements you can have your skin coloured to match any variety of apple, and even reproduce since most apples commercially are made by grafting. Alas, none of this was around when Jerry was feeling so confused and under ripe.

    • You have definitely pinpointed the core of the heartbreak of a 1970’s fruit tree trapped in a man’s body. It’s a sad and lonely existence for Jerry. I guess it was either sink or swim. He could have grown sour but instead took those lemons and made lemonade! I guess it just goes to show you that there aren’t very many problems in this world that can’t be made better by pouring lots and lots and lots of sugar on them!

  7. I think Prince Charles might have studied and been influenced by “Make friends with your fruit trees” by Jerry Baker. I’m pretty sure this is why he decided to talk to his plants. Poor Charles! Looking for friends in all the wrong places! 😀

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