Hello Dear Readers! It’s Screw It Monday, which means it’s time to stare out into space and think about all the things you could be doing right now if you weren’t staring out into space.
Well here’s an idea for us! Why don’t we all go outside right now and make friends with our fruit trees? That’s right! Just like the slightly creepy seventies author, Jerry Baker, did back in 1973, when wrote an entire book about it. Apparently it was just the kind of thing people in the seventies were clamoring for!
Here it is in all its creepy seventies glory!
Now let’s take a closer look at Jerry, himself. Let’s gaze into his eyes and see if we can figure out what makes Jerry so friendly with his fruit trees.
Let’s open to the first page and see what awaits us:
And then there’s that slightly creepy logo of theirs. Why does a prestigious publishing company such as Simon and Schuster have a logo consisting of a man walking around in a onsie wearing a dough-boy helmet and a water-ski belt with one hand tucked inside of it? So I took the liberty of looking up Simon and Schuster for us and here they are:
Anyway, getting back to Jerry and his friends, inside Jerry’s book are many topics that are truly helpful for people who want to expand their social circle and start including members of the plant kingdom as part of their circle of friends.
Let’s take a look at some of Jerry’s friends. Well there’s:
And there’s:
And there’s Mr. Politically Incorrect:
And of course we can’t forget the lovely and beautiful:
And there’s also Jerry’s only human friend, his foxy wife, whatshername:
She’s looking mighty satisfied because later she is planning to runaway with:
But Jerry’s doesn’t care because he’s already madly in love with:
So you see everything is working out quite nicely for Jerry and his little group of fruit tree friends.
Here’s Penelope Peach and Jerry right after they moved in together:
Please say that’s all Jerry. Please! For the love of God! Please say that’s all!
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
I bet he wrote those lyrics for Steve Miller, “really love your peaches want to shake your tree.”
Ahaha! I’m sure of it! 😀
He had all kinds of weird tips, like using flea powder on your lawn to get rid of ticks, and using mouthwash mixed with dishwasher soap to… oh, what’s the use? I moved away from my house to get out of fruit tree problems.
Well he certainly was into his fruit trees! I think you made a wise choice, Ronnie. It’s much simpler to just buy fruit at the grocery store! 😀
I am jealous of whatshername. I really, really was hoping Harry Chestnut (funny name, Hairy Chest, Hairy Nut– just the one– I’d call him Sassy, as in Sasquatch because, well, he is hairy in the areas where it matters) would pick me over whatshername. She looks fit for a loony-bin if you ask me.
Haha! Well I think Jerry was pretty emotionally unavailable to any one who didn’t have fruit hanging off of them! I kind of think Sassy, being a nut and all, will be a better match for whatshername!
Yeah… I am a bit too fastidious to deal with the shells and leaves and stuff.
Me too! And god only knows what’s inside! 😀
Mostly, I’m less concerned that he was making friends with my fruit trees, and more concerned that HE WAS IN MY YARD!!!!
*nails down all the blinds*
I think you’re fruit trees were pretty freaked out too. Maybe you ought to consider an attack goat! (He could mow your lawn too!)
I myself am in a committed relationship with a mulberry bush.
That’s what I love about you Idio, you’re willing cross pollinate! 😀
That’s not all Miss Peach. That’s. Not. All. Looks like Jerry may lose another friend to his insatiable appitite for all things fruity.
Jerry!! I think Jerry has a wandering taste bud, that’s for sure.
Jerry has a pretty smug expression – doesn’t he?
He certainly does Erin. No wonder his only friends are fruit trees! 😀
You’d need a toilet if you went to a fruit tree party and not for the normal use…
Ahahahahah!!!! Oh Bucky! LOL!
just thinking of you… 😉
😉
You probably already know this but the Simon and Schuster logo is from Vincent’s painting, “The Sower” where I suppose the analogy is supposed to be with scattering the seeds of knowledge. But you knew that, right? And I’m just being too serious to get the entertainment value from your humorous comment?
Hahaha! No Donald you’re not too serious, you’re called well-educated! I did not realize that but now I know. By the way, I just got done reading you’re Neil Young piece and enjoyed it very much. I also liked your Christopher Hitchens piece. Lately I’ve been watching a lot of Christopher Hitchens on Youtube What a brilliant mind he had.
I thought the Simon and Schuster logo was Johnnny Appleseed which might explain why they agreed to publish Jerry’s book.
Ahah! Good point Helen! It does look like Johnny Appleseed, doesn’t it? And that makes a lot more sense to me! 😀
Our fig tree is getting so large and its limbs so low, that I feel like I’m violating its branches each day as I move around under it, reaching for purple figs. I think a closer level of intimacy would be too much. I certainly couldn’t call her Fiona Fig Tree. As hard I’ve tried to get pregnant, sometimes I resent her obvious fecundity, dropping fruit right and left. Who does she think she is?
You fig tree sounds very happy, but I can see why you don’t want to get too intimate. After all, ironic as it is, too much fig tree time can really eat up the day! And some tree friends are just too fertile for their own good! ;D
I’m very in tune with alternate lifestyles, what with knowing a transvestite called Jane who drinks in my pub. And I’ve heard about these cases, where people feel like an orchard fruit trapped in a man’s body. He even has himself pictured amongst the Golden Delicious trying to blend in and begging to be plucked and made into a thirst quenching scrumpy.
With today’s scientific advancements you can have your skin coloured to match any variety of apple, and even reproduce since most apples commercially are made by grafting. Alas, none of this was around when Jerry was feeling so confused and under ripe.
You have definitely pinpointed the core of the heartbreak of a 1970’s fruit tree trapped in a man’s body. It’s a sad and lonely existence for Jerry. I guess it was either sink or swim. He could have grown sour but instead took those lemons and made lemonade! I guess it just goes to show you that there aren’t very many problems in this world that can’t be made better by pouring lots and lots and lots of sugar on them!
I always thought Simon & Shuster’s logo was a guy sewing seeds of knowledge from his bag – maybe I’m wrong?
No I don’t think you’re wrong. It’s my brain, Peanuts, that’s mixed up Benzes!
I think Prince Charles might have studied and been influenced by “Make friends with your fruit trees” by Jerry Baker. I’m pretty sure this is why he decided to talk to his plants. Poor Charles! Looking for friends in all the wrong places! 😀
lol 🙂
Haha!! I forgot about Prince Charles and his fruit trees! He kind of looks like a fruit tree himself. (Somebody needs to tell him that his ears are ripe!) 😀
Hahah! He looks like a plantain! LOL!
Ahahahhaa! He does!! 😀