Entertaining Attila

October 7, 2014October 7, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry, The Daily Routine comedy, funny, humor, humorous, humour, Out of stock on the Nelson Mandela's, quirky poetry, the year 453, violent cartoons, What to do when Attila the Hun visits

Melissa Miranda Malinda MacNella

Went to the store to find her a fella

Came home with a guy whose name was Attila

(Someone had beat her to Nelson Mandela)

At first he was fun (he was such a dear Hun)

Til he started reciting the battles he’d won

And the heads he beheaded (it was over a ton)

And the peasants he’d spared (of which there were none)

What’s Melissa to do with a guy such as he?

An infamous killer from 453

Well the answer it came to her clear as can be

She gave him some popcorn and turned on TV

Oh the violence he saw there was creepy and chilling

He couldn’t believe all the torture and killing

Rivers of blood by the buckets was spilling

Attila found watching cartoons quite fulfilling

Mr. Hoink’s Farm

Image July 30, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry, The Daily Routine comedy, cows that say oink, humor, humorous poetry, humour, itchy cows, life on the farm, Neanderthal Cows, pigs that can talk, quirky poetry

Tary Not Dear Gwendolyn

May 23, 2014May 24, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry, The Daily Routine Fattening Poetry, funny poem, funny poetry, humor, humorous poetry, humour, Linda Vernon Humor Poetry, poem about gaining weight, quirky poetry

Tary not dear Gwendolyn

O’er ice cream, cake or pie

Your stomach never proves to be

Much smaller than your eye

Tary not dear Gwendolyn

When heaping full your platter

A garden salad? Or french fries?

(You know you’ll choose the latter!)

Tary not dear Gwendolyn

With pralines in the pantry

Sweets like these although they please

Make waists turn vigilante

Tary not dear Gwendolyn

On scents of roast beef gravy

Such nourishment will only serve

To make your waddle wavy

Until next time . . . I love you

The First 100 Words of Constanza Credenza

January 30, 2014February 9, 2014 Linda Vernon Friday Fictioneers, Peculiar Poetry bad eyesight, credenza, funny little poem, humorous, humour, pancreas mooing, quirky humor, quirky poetry, shoes

Welcome Dear Readers! While I was climbing to the top of Wednesday, I accidentally slipped and fell into Thursday. I coudn’t reach my computer as it was still in Wednesday! My computer finally caught up with me this morning! Just in time for Friday Fictioneers on Thursday. Yay! A round of calendars for everyone — on me!

Thank you to Rochelle at Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple who’s hard work makes it possible for us to have so much 100-word writing fun!

This week’s picture is brought to us by Claire Fuller. Visit Claire Fuller and read about her fantastic novel publishing success!

The First 100 Words of Constanza Credenza

Constanza Credenza had horrible eyes

She saw splotches and blotches (they weren’t organized)

She’d grope around blindly while trying to fake

Like she knew that the pie she was eating was cake

Constanza Credenza had horrible feet

Whenever she put on her Keds they’d preheat

So that placing a piece of white bread on her shoe

Would cause it to toast to a golden brown hue

Constanza Credenza was horribly rude

Plus when she sat down her pancreas moo-ed!

The poor dear, she drank and was often besotted

(But to list all her faults takes more words than allotted)

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper

January 28, 2014February 9, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry funny, horrible art, humor, humorous, humorous poetry, humour, nonsense poetry, quirky poetry

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper ol’ man Chew

He don’t chew tabaccy and he don’t chew stew

And he don’t chew stew

And he don’t like you!

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper ol’ man Chew

"What are you chewing, Old Man Chew? Stew?" No! I'm not chewing anything! Read the poem idiot!" — **“Are you chewing stew?”**
**“No! I’m not chewing anything! Read the poem, idiot!”**

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper ol’ man Chaw

He don’t know nothin’ and he hates his ma

And he hates his ma

And he pesters his pa!

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper ol’ man Chaw

"What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen goldfish feet before? I'm going to go pester my Pa now." — **“What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen goldfish shoes before? My mom made me wear them. I’m telling Daddy!”**

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper Flack Jack Flea

He don’t know nothin’ cuz he just can’t see

Cuz he just can’t see

Cuz he drank beef tea!

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper Flack Jack Flea

"You sure that's beef tea? I can't see." — **“Are you sure that’s not beef tea? It causes blindness you know, although I suppose that’s probably a moot point now.”**

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper Nickerbocker Nug

I’ll take a sip from your crummy ol’ jug

From your crummy ol’ jug

That you always do lug!

Pa Pa Riddle Rumper Nickerbocker Nug

"It may be a crummy old jug, but it's my crummy old jug!" — **“It may be a crummy old jug, but at least it’s my crummy old jug. Some people don’t have any jugs at all!**

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

Hey what about me? Don't I get a stanza? No. Go get your own poem. — “Hey what about me? Don’t I get a stanza?”
“No. Go get your own poem. Now scram!”

The Pensive Potato

September 19, 2013February 9, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry Chicken Scratches from the Poetry Barn, humor, humorous, humorous poetry, humour, quirky poetry

The Pensive Potato

The Pensive Potato, he knows not what

He’s so worried about, what’s the scuttlebutt?

Does he think about war?

Does he think about ruin?

Does he think about becoming a Boston Bruin?

The Pensive Potato, he doesn’t know how

He is able to worry or furrow his brow

Does he think about sin?

Does he think about death?

When pulled out of the ground does he take a deep breath?

The Pensive Potato, when he looks around

He sees skillet and burner in butter he’s drowned

Does he know he exists?

Well, he probably doesn’t

In fact, he’s quite sure that he probably wasn’t

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

Sally Milkerson Becomes a Good Read

April 16, 2013March 5, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry, The Daily Routine comedy, Harry Potter Tattoo, humor, humorous, humorous poetry, humour, quirky humor, quirky poetry, Tattoo Makeover, tattoo poetry

Sally Milkerson Becomes a Good Read

Little Sally Milkerson wanted a tattoo

She asked her mother Wanda

If it was something she could do

Wanda would have answered her

But you see she couldn’t hear

What with all the piercings that were pinning shut her ear

So Little Sally Milkerson went and got a pencil

To write her mom a note that said

May I please have a stencil?

Wanda would have answered her

But her eyelids wouldn’t open

Thanks to all her piercings, in the dark she was agropin’

Little Sally Milkerson told her mother not to worry

She’d take the task upon herself

And get tattooed in a hurry

She skipped down to the tattoo parlor

A wad of cash in hand

And gave it to the Tattoo-er — behind the counter, Stan

When Little Sally Milkerson came waltzing through the door

Her mother Wanda’s color drained

She toppled to the floor

A miracle! — It had occurred from somewhere up above her!

For her darling little daughter now

Had Harry Potter on her cover

Humorous Poem Sally Milkerson Linda Vernon Humor — **Hey Sally can you turn around so we can see what happens next?**

Until Next time . . . I love you

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The First 100 Words of Constanza Credenza

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Pa Pa Riddle Rumper

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The Pensive Potato

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