A Poem to Make You Think

Begin at the beginning and end at the end

But then again supposin’ that road has a bend?

Then begin at the right and work your way left

Or come up the middle (if the road’s got a cleft)

Or begin at the end and work your way backwards

Or schlep up the shoulder all sloppy and slackwards

Or begin at the right and go in a square

Taking plenty of breaks to sit in the chair

You took from that idiot right over there →

But whatever you do, avoid like the plague

A man with an eye patch who answers to Craig

And a lady named Bertha who’ll be eating a lime

(Expressly for reasons pertaining to rhyme)

Now take a deep breath and start on your journey

And if you get tired? Remember the gurney . . .

That grandmother willed you (the one from Poughkeepsie)

That you pawned for some money to hire a gypsy

Who foretold of everything here you just read

(Including the part where your Grandmother’s dead) grandma cartoon

Edwina Purina Chow Dippity Do

May 9, 2015 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry Brussel Sprouts, Buster Brown Shoes, comedy, funny poem, humor, humor humorous, humorous poetry, lieutenant gov, long range bomber, pushing vs shoving, sequoia

Edwina Purina Chow Dippity Do

Bent over to polish her Buster Brown shoe

But the polish therein was of toxic aroma

And Edwina Purina fell into a coma

No one knew what to do for they couldn’t awake her.

So the Doctor was summoned. (He suggested they shake her)

But yet she lay docile and still as could be

Then someone suggested, “Push her out of a tree!”

So they hoisted her up in a Giant Sequoia

And everyone helped — even Mike and Latoya!

All that was left was to give her a shove

And who better for that than the lieutenant gov?

Who ran on a platform of brotherly love

And never did falter when push came to shove

He shook that sequoia, he had him some muscle

(Attributed mainly to sprouts found in Brussel)

sprouts of brussel — “Where you from?” “Brussel” “Me too!”

Well, the tree started shaking and then the wind blew

And Edwina Purina Chow Dippity Do . . .

Flew through the air like a bomber (long range)

And landed on top of the Foreign Exchange

She opened her eyes and everyone cheered

But to tell you the truth? It was all very weird!

Yak Problems

August 27, 2014August 27, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry funny poem, humor, humorous, humour, when bad things happen to good Yaks, Yak poetry, Yak Problems

Until next time . . . I love you

Tary Not Dear Gwendolyn

May 23, 2014May 24, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry, The Daily Routine Fattening Poetry, funny poem, funny poetry, humor, humorous poetry, humour, Linda Vernon Humor Poetry, poem about gaining weight, quirky poetry

Tary not dear Gwendolyn

O’er ice cream, cake or pie

Your stomach never proves to be

Much smaller than your eye

Tary not dear Gwendolyn

When heaping full your platter

A garden salad? Or french fries?

(You know you’ll choose the latter!)

Tary not dear Gwendolyn

With pralines in the pantry

Sweets like these although they please

Make waists turn vigilante

Tary not dear Gwendolyn

On scents of roast beef gravy

Such nourishment will only serve

To make your waddle wavy

Until next time . . . I love you

My Little Loch Ness Monster

February 15, 2014February 17, 2014 Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry, The Daily Routine Brando, fat Lock Ness Monster, funny poem, Gerard Depardieu, humor, humour humorous, Orson Welles, peculiar poetry, People Magazine inserts

My Little Loch Ness Monster

I have a Loch Ness monster who follows me around

He slaps his feet and quacks his beak but I don’t hear a sound

(I keep a roll of cotton in my ears to tone it down)

My little Loch Ness Monster is hardly ever sick

Oh sure, he’ll fake a stomach ache — but that is just his shtick

And that time he ate my neighbor? It was just a nervous tic

Oh my little Loch Ness Monster, I ride him everywhere

Except for under bridges so he doesn’t mess his hair

And we stay away from bumpy roads—just too much wear and tear

My little Loch Ness Monster, he loves People Magazine

He eats those little cards he finds on pages in-between

(I think he does this mostly cause it’s healthy for his spleen)

My little Loch Ness Monster is fat and round and blue

He’d tie his own shoe laces but he cannot find his shoe

Just like Marlon Brando, Orson Welles and Mister Depardieu

Orson Wells Marlon Brando Gerard Depardieu — **‘Oh yeah Little Loch Ness Monster? We don’t even wear shoes, so there!**

Until next time . . . I love you

Friday Fictioneers: Fly Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee

July 24, 2013July 25, 2013 Linda Vernon Friday Fictioneers, Peculiar Poetry, The Daily Routine Charles Nelson Riely, funny poem, humor, humorour poetry, Humorous Friday Fictioneers, humorous poem, humour, Muhammad Ali, rope a dope, stratus

Welcome Dear Readers! My philosophy of life can be summed up by Lou Grant from the old Mary Tyler Moore show when he said, “You’re born, you die and everything in between is filler.”

And I can’t think of a more fun “filler” than writing a hundred words inspired by Friday Fictioneers picture prompt hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields at Addicted to Purple.

This week’s picture is provided by Douglas M. McIlroy over at Ironwoodwind.

Fly like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee

If I had an apparatus

To keep me in the misty stratus

If I could hang out in the air

With the billowy things that live up there

I think, at first, it would be fun

I’d be best friends with everyone

I’d say I like you! Yes I do!

You are my best friends, brave and true

But then before my very eyes

You’d change into some apple pies

You’d switch it up

(You’d be so wiley)

You’re Cher! . . . No wait! . . . Charles Nelson Riley?

Who could keep up? Who could cope?

I’d become Muhammad’s rope a dope

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

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My Little Loch Ness Monster

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Fly like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee

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