Begin at the beginning and end at the end

But then again supposin’ that road has a bend?

Then begin at the right and work your way left

Or come up the middle (if the road’s got a cleft)

Or begin at the end and work your way backwards

Or schlep up the shoulder all sloppy and slackwards

Or begin at the right and go in a square

Taking plenty of breaks to sit in the chair

You took from that idiot right over there →

But whatever you do, avoid like the plague

A man with an eye patch who answers to Craig

And a lady named Bertha who’ll be eating a lime

(Expressly for reasons pertaining to rhyme)

Now take a deep breath and start on your journey

And if you get tired? Remember the gurney . . . 

That grandmother willed you (the one from Poughkeepsie)

That you pawned for some money to hire a gypsy

Who foretold of everything here you just read 

(Including the part where your Grandmother’s dead)