My Little Loch Ness Monster
I have a Loch Ness monster who follows me around
He slaps his feet and quacks his beak but I don’t hear a sound
(I keep a roll of cotton in my ears to tone it down)
My little Loch Ness Monster is hardly ever sick
Oh sure, he’ll fake a stomach ache — but that is just his shtick
And that time he ate my neighbor? It was just a nervous tic
Oh my little Loch Ness Monster, I ride him everywhere
Except for under bridges so he doesn’t mess his hair
And we stay away from bumpy roads—just too much wear and tear
My little Loch Ness Monster, he loves People Magazine
He eats those little cards he finds on pages in-between
(I think he does this mostly cause it’s healthy for his spleen)
My little Loch Ness Monster is fat and round and blue
He’d tie his own shoe laces but he cannot find his shoe
Just like Marlon Brando, Orson Welles and Mister Depardieu
Until next time . . . I love you