My Little Loch Ness Monster
I have a Loch Ness monster who follows me around
He slaps his feet and quacks his beak but I don’t hear a sound
(I keep a roll of cotton in my ears to tone it down)
My little Loch Ness Monster is hardly ever sick
Oh sure, he’ll fake a stomach ache — but that is just his shtick
And that time he ate my neighbor? It was just a nervous tic
Oh my little Loch Ness Monster, I ride him everywhere
Except for under bridges so he doesn’t mess his hair
And we stay away from bumpy roads—just too much wear and tear
My little Loch Ness Monster, he loves People Magazine
He eats those little cards he finds on pages in-between
(I think he does this mostly cause it’s healthy for his spleen)
My little Loch Ness Monster is fat and round and blue
He’d tie his own shoe laces but he cannot find his shoe
Just like Marlon Brando, Orson Welles and Mister Depardieu
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Spleen – it is such a great word to use in verse! Wonderful stuff Ms Vernon; wonderful!
So true Mike! Spleen is definitely the funniest organ and easy to rhyme! So glad you liked this one. 😀
Wonderful as always, darling. I have one suggestion — the last line — the rhythm is off… try: Just like Brando, Orson Welles and Mister Gerard Depardieu.
Oh thank you Helena. I like your suggestion. I”m going to go change it right now.
Y’see I don’t have this problem. ‘Cos no-one follows me. 😀
I notice there were no lines about housebreaking him.
Probably for the best…
I’m sure she has a giant litter box
Yes! Whoever made up the English Language knew what they were doing when they made the word housebreaking unrhymeable.
Mouse-taking.
It works! I feel another stanza coming on . . .
I looooove this! I hope your next installment will be “my little Bigfoot”
Oh Jackie that’s so cute. My Little Bigfoot! Thanks for the wonderful idea! I’ll write it for Henry. 😀
Does he sleep at the foot of your bed?
Ha! No he sleeps in a tank of water up to his waste beside my bed. He doesn’t like not being wet.
LOL So he swims with the fishes!
Ha! Yes I guess he does. (He doesn’t like anybody to “Bust His Chops” either.)
I’m sure not, he’s not been believed long enough! lol
That’s right! But unfortunately he’s too shy to come out and prove he exists. (I think he thinks he’ll have to make a speech or something!)
Well of course he would have to make a speech! 😉
Linda, its: “Loch”….not: “Lock”. Quickly go back and change the spelling and then reply to my comment with: “Yes, I know it is. I am not sure what point you are trying to make. Always interesting to read your thoughts.
Oh Sh*t! I hate when I make myself look as dumb as I am. I’m going back right now. (THANK YOU!)
I think this poem is brilliant and I wish I had been told it as a child.
Ah! Thanks!
Who?? Who’s going to mop up all these tears I cried while laughing so hard at your wonder poem?? Loved the kick in the pants to the Fat Tubs Three (hey, they’re not gonna feel it anyway), and as someone who absolutely despises those @#$$%%^* little cards you hafta rip outta magazines, I’d so ’nuff like to shake LLNM’s paw!!!
Brilliant and wonderfully over-the-top, my dear!! : )
Mark. You and LLNM have so much in common! I just realized I should have included our dear Al in the fat tubs three, but then he probably would have sank the tub for sure! And then my little loch ness monster would have to save him and I know my little loch ness monster hates Funyun breath so I guess it’s all good!
Thank you so much, Markie MacGiggles, for your kind and wonderful words! 😀