My Little Loch Ness Monster

I have a Loch Ness monster who follows me around

He slaps his feet and quacks his beak but I don’t hear a sound

(I  keep a roll of cotton in my ears to tone it down)

My little Loch Ness Monster is hardly ever sick

Oh sure,  he’ll fake a stomach ache  —  but that is just his shtick

And that time he ate my neighbor? It was just a nervous tic

Oh my little Loch Ness Monster,  I ride him everywhere

Except for under bridges so he doesn’t mess his hair

And we stay away from bumpy roads—just too much wear and tear

My little Loch Ness Monster, he loves People Magazine

He eats those little cards he finds on pages in-between

(I think he does this mostly cause it’s healthy for his spleen)

My little Loch Ness Monster is fat and round and blue

He’d tie his own shoe laces but he cannot find his shoe

Just like  Marlon Brando, Orson Welles and Mister Depardieu

 Until next time . . . I love you