Welcome Dear Readers! Gosh it’s been a long time since last we clapped eyes on the home decor horrors that only the Slightly Creepy Seventies can provide. That’s why I was delighted to run across this family room decorating book from 1977 and just in time for Halloween!
Now here’s a family room that practically screams fun!
Whenever the family entered this Slightly Creepy Seventies family room, and once they had regained their balance, Mom and Dad got right down to the task of puffing Benson & Hedges cigarettes one after another in order to fill up their family-sized ashtray guaranteed to hold enough stubbed-out cigarettes to give the entire clan COPD in a single evening. But not to worry, everybody was already hyperventilating from the decor anyway, so hey! At least they were breathing! (Sort of . . .)
If this doesn’t make you want to hum the theme from Jaws, nothing will.
And why are there no people in this Slightly Creepy Seventies family room, you ask?
Ha ha! Because they are all hiding in the “modular storage center that fits almost anywhere” or anyone. And thank goodness for that! How else would they be able to hide themselves from the giant killer macramé pillow that is obviously taking orders from the Slightly-Creepy Seventies Peacock Feather Vase Goddess?
I’ll bet the whole family is thanking their lucky stars right now that daddy scarfed down his cocaine-sprinkled oatmeal this morning or he would have never had the wherewithal to come up with the idea for this clever dual storage/hiding-from-murdering-pillow decorating idea. But uh oh! Look out Little Joshie! You left he door open!
There’s organization and then there’s organization Slight-Creepy Seventies Style!
The genius that designed this Slightly Creepy Seventies entertainment center thought of everything right down to the board games that family members can play while Mom is yakking on the phone for hours blocking everybody’s view of their Slightly Creepy Seventies state of the art 12-inch Zenith television set — so much so that nobody in this poor, Slightly Creepy Seventies’ family ever found out whether or not Mary Tyler Moore did indeed make it after all. (They did get to see a cool explosion on Rockford Files though . . . well, not exactly — but the way Mom described it, it sounded cool!)
And of course no Slightly Creepy Seventies family room is complete without a plant phone booth (if Mom will ever get off the phone and let the plants use it, that is).
What better way for a family to pass through the tedious decade of the Slightly Creepy Seventies at a snail’s pace than to actually pull up a chair and literally watch snails’ pace? Answer? No better way!
Well, that is if you don’t count Mom describing to everyone how exciting it was when Jim Rockford got in that high-speed car chase and ran over Mary Tyler Moore and made her hat fly up in the air. At least, Mom’s pretty sure that’s what happened — but then again she was talking on the phone at the time — and in the Slightly Creepy Seventies, multi-tasking hadn’t even been invented yet.
And there you have it, Dear Readers, a little Halloween Horror in the form of the Slightly Creepy Seventies, now go have a fun Halloween and try to forget the horror you saw here.
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Did I detect a monopoly board there Linda? The thought struck as to what street names would appear upon an American version! Banal I know yet curiosity killed the cat and all that.
Oh that’s right. They would be different. Our most expensive properties are Boardwalk and Park Place and the least expensive are Baltic Ave and Mediterranean Avenue. It would be fun to play a British version though. (I don’t think I’d know how to make change in British money though — I’d definitely have to let someone else be the banker.)
Linda are these street names across all/most states within the States or just from one state? God I must be boring you senseless – my apologies…but once I get the old bee in the bonnet etc.!
it’s weird! None of them are states. Frankly I always figured that a lot of the names of the properties might have been stolen from Europe! they never really made sense to me! What are the names of your properties?
The chair pointed at the Plant prison. I think something else goes on in that house right after Mindy and Jeff from next door pop over for some fondue.
Is there a method of circumnavigating the first room? I am looking at the illustrated instructions where the arrows say to crab walk down one corner, shimmy along one shelf and then limbo under another. This is all well and good but what if you are carrying over a tray of snowballs and a hedgehog of pineapple and cheese skewers, it is an accident waiting to happen.
LOL!! Last time I saw Jeff and Mindy they were both in wheelchairs. Now I know why!
This just gets kinkier!
What’s creepy is that I remember all that ‘organizational’ stuff !! Diane
Ha! I know. Me too!!
Linda, and Mike,
To answer mikesteeden’s query, yes, those street names are common across the states; I live in California, and the same names are used in New York…. I’ve seen them…
Just trying to be helpful, which, as Linda will tell you, indicates I am currently in one of my more sane moments, so, you can trust me…. Really, you can…. think nothing of this large, sharp axe I am carrying…
Sincerely,
NRM, aka gigoid, the dubious
😎
Oh Dubious One,
Thank you for weighing in. (You’d weigh less if you put the axe down before you stepped on the scales, but still! Thank you!
What axe?
still dubious
gigoid
😎
LOL!! 😀
Who needs at TV when you can sit for hours and watch plants tele-communicate in a phone booth with no commercial interruptions. Especially, this time of year when it’s one political ad after another.
You are so right! You never see a plant running for office — unless you count vegetables . . .
When I look at those, the first thing that comes to mind is Marlon Brando’s final words in Apocalypse Now.
“The horror. The horror.”
Humorous article, though.
Hahaha! You made me want to watch Apocalypse Now again! 😀
huh, how much cocaine have you guys taken? there’s no monopoly set there. nevertheless, i remember my granny had a very old british set. the pieces were wooden and the names were things like trafalgar square and regent square. i think anyway! and british money is metric these days linda, no need to panic!
Sandy is right. Park Lane, Mayfair etc. And yet it is not a Monopoly board on that table. The phone booth is actually a shower cubicle left over from the “Completely F**k Up Your Bathroom for less than $125!” photo-shoot during the previous week.
The chair is facing it only because that is where the Visual Designer dropped it down before grabbing the bellows by the fire place and forcibly inserting them into the Art Director.
The Art Director survived to work with Stanley Kubrick on ‘The Shining’.
Ahahahahahahahaha! Not only did you explain this room, you managed to explain the entire decade of the Slightly Creepy Seventies, and I have a feeling Stanley Kubrick was behind the whole thing.
Oh I bet you wish you still had that Monopoly game! And you’re right Sandy. That isn’t a Monopoly came is it? It’s got chips instead of money. Hmm . . . I wonder what game it is? Maybe it’s Sorry. (Do you have Sorry over there?) Sorry would certainly be an apropos game for the decor, wouldn’t it?
Yes, I have a very old game of Sorry that I still play with my son. It’s such a cool game as just when you think you’re about to zoom up to the finish line, someone sends you back to the pitstop!
Talking of creepy 70’s do you know those books, Golden Hands? Now there’s some frightening 70’s for you!
No I’m not familiar with the book Golden Hands, but it sounds super slightly creepy seventies intriguing!! I’ll check it out. Have you ever seen the Mama’s Family with Carol Burnett show where they are all playing Sorry? If you haven’t you’ll have to check it out, it’s on youtube. Whenever I see a Sorry game now I always think of it.
Nope, will check it out.
This is EXACTLY what my school friend’s house looked like in 1974! I was forever taking my eye out on the sharp-edged shelves made of ply wood covered in gloss white paint. Since I lived in a Victorian house, I felt like I was visiting a space station.
Everything smelled of chemicals. In my house, everything smelled of damp, coal dust, bottled fruit and cat pee. Everything was painted dark brown or dark green. My parents’ idea of “getting modern” was to paint some of the door frames white so we could better escape if fire broke out. Once, my mum caught me eyeing up a deep-pile carpet in a shop. She pointed her finger at me and with a look of menace hissed that awful word: “Never…!!!”
LOL!!! Fascinatingly hilarious reminiscence! I’ve got it all pictured in my mind right down to the damp, coal dust, bottle fruit and cat pee Febreze! And you felt like you were visiting a space station! LOL!! I just love that. I hope a fire never did break out though if it did, it probably would have improved the decor!
Wow!! And I thought Potty Barn– er, I mean, Pottery Barn decor was creepy–! Jeepers Creepies!!
That first one looks like it needs a coupla go-go dancers. Guess they went-went from smoke inhalation!!
I must, simply must have one of those Peacock Feather Vase Goddesses!! I will bow down and worship her, and cry, Hail, hail, Your Creepiness!!” And I will pile (empty) Funyun bags before her shrine… : P
As for that Plant Phone Booth, I can almost feel the vines encircling my neck, and a horrible little voice whispering, “Sorry– wrong number…” Ewwwwwhhhh!!! It done gives me the creepies!!
You’re too mucho, my dear Linda, and that line about watching snails pace made me roar!!– excellente!! : )
Hahaha! I’m so glad you enjoyed this little Halloween foray into the terrifyingly scary decor of the Slightly Creepy Seventies, Mr. MacGiggles! Now all is left to do is reproduce the Peacock Feather Vase Goddess and slap it up on Etsy and watch the Slightly Creepy Seventies money roll in. Before long we’ll be able to afford plant phone booths for every room and Funyuns ad naseum! Al Gore will be eating his heart out! (It’s made of Funyuns though so it’s a win win!) Thanks for coming by Mark. Your comments are always the bees knees, calves and feet!!! Oh and have a Slightly Creepy Seventies-free day!!! 😀