Welcome Dear Reader to Linda’s History Lessons. Today’s lesson is: The History of Lint.
Lint and the Ancient Egyptians
The very first mention of lint in recorded history was in Egypt. It was recorded in hieroglyphics by HeySup Tutankhamun when he noticed some lint balling up in the creases of his pleated skirt. After exhaustive study, scholars (who are now home lying down with cool washcloths on their foreheads) believe that the hieroglyphic for lint was represented by the following symbols:
Lint and the Ancient Greeks
The second mention of lint is found among the ruins of Greece. Scholars of ancient Greece have argued themselves sick over the topic of ancient Grecian Lint. (One scholar was so winded from arguing he had to be hospitalized.) However, many believe the great philosopher, Socrates, was the most lint savvy.
Still, other scholars believe the go-to lint expert when it came to Ancient Greek Lint was the great mathematician Pythagoras:
Lint and the Roman Empire
The Roman Empire was all mixed up about lint. Scholars who study the Roman Empire ad nasueam in the vomitorium have concluded that while the Romans were genius builders and conquerors, they had it all wrong when it came to lint and especially the removal thereof:
Lint and The Middle Ages
Scholars can also agree on this one. Nobody in the middle ages had any idea about lint whatsoever.
Lint and The Age of Exploration
Scholars insist that on his maiden voyage Christopher Columbus brought back 480 cubic tons of lint to Queen Isabella. But before you get too attached to this fact, you should remember that scholars determined this while splitting a large pepperoni pizza and a couple cases of Alhambra Mezquita beer courtesy of San Miguel Lint Manufacturing Corporation.
Lint and the Founding Fathers
Scholars believe that the failure to mention lint in the Declaration of Independence was instrumental in winning the revolutionary war. But unfortunately, we will have to wait until they sober up to find out why.
And there you have it, Dear Readers. Today’s history lesson. Please check back at some point in the future to learn more about history and stuff.
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Alternate title “Lint: The Fabric That Changed The World”
LOL!! That’s perfect!
Ad nauseum in the vomutorium. Hahaha! And your captions make me cry laughing!
I think my favorite Age of Lint is during the writing of the constitution. I’m surprised they didn’t make a amend-lint to it.
LOL!! An Amend-lint! I’m so glad you liked it. They were sure fun to put together!
Only you could make lint interesting. Only I could make it bitter.
Nobody makes bitter as good as you, Ben, nobody! You’ve got bitter cornered and at gunpoint.
Thank goodness I have that. Because lint make me so bitter!
Dear Linda,
We here in Arkansas take our lint seriously and cultivate it as an agricultural product. In my next book, I will share several tips for successful production techniques in an essay entitled “Bellybutton Lint Farming.” Lint reaped from clothes dryers is NOT organic–and no one wants to be caught dead wearing a turtleneck made from Genetically Modified Lint (GML).
Hahaha! I hope you will include that in your next book, Russell, Bellybutton Lint Farming is a topic just waiting to be exploited and you are just the man to do it! I think I’m allergic to GML — that would explain the rash (I hope).
As someone who has neither a life or any friends, I have been trawling through the pages of your blog for over an hour. (This may explain why I’m single) This is without doubt, one of the funniest blogs that I’ve come across in a long time. Tonight I shall read the rest of your musings instead of sticking to my usual routine which is to cry into the hollows of my pillow and curse the Gods for forsaking me.
Seriously though, this blog is fantastic.
An hour! Lily! I can’t tell you how gratifying it is! You just made my day! I am so glad you are enjoying it! (I think I just ran out of exclamation marks) As a fellow friendless, no-lifer, I have plenty of time to write it! LOL! Anyway thanks so much for stopping by Lily for your uplifting comment!
Seriously, I don’t think there was a post that didn’t make me laugh. From the moment I read about the history of lint, I was hooked liked a hooker on crack. So thank you for the laughs.
My youngest granddaughter’s name is Lily. You wouldn’t be a Lilliputian by any chance??
Oh that’s a coincidence! My youngest granddaughter’s name is Lily too!
Lilliputian would suggest small. My derriere alone, would take up half the island. In fact, it’s all I can do to stop those little folks from sticking a flag on my butt and declaring independence. 🙂
Hahahaha!