Welcome Dear Readers! I am so excited! As you may know, from time to time this blog takes it upon itself to attempt to cheer up American Literature’s most Gloomy Gus, Edgar Allan Poe. And in that light, I feel this blog is making a little progress. Check out Edgar Allan Poe’s new magazine!
WE can only hope, Dear Readers, that this his new positive attitude has staying power!
Hello Dear Readers! Sometimes we have to take time out from our busy schedules to help those less fortunate — happiness-wise. And to that end, we are taking another crack at trying to cheer up the greatest weeping word-smith of them all, Edgar Allan Poe.
Hi Edgar! Hey, you’re looking more rested today. I hope that means you’ve been sleeping better and are not staying up til dreary midnight, weak, weary and whatnot?
You are not wrong to deem — That my days have been a dream.
Oh good so that means you’ve been catching up on your sleep by taking some cat naps? Good for you Edgar! You’re bound to feel more chipper when you’re rested!
All that we see or seem — Is but a dream within a dream.
Well, I don’t know about that but, okay, I’m willing to consider that idea. I just hope you’ve been getting outside too and not just sleeping on the couch all day.
I stand amid the roar of a surf-tormented shore.
Oh so you went to the beach and the tide was in! Well that’s good. A day at the beach can do wonders for a person’s mood!
And I hold within my hand — Grains of a golden sand–
Oh how nice! Now you’re seeing the glass half full! See, Edgar, isn’t that more fun?
How few but how they creep — Through my fingers to the deep
While I weep — while I weep!
What? Wait a minute . . . let me get this straight. You’re saying you picked up a handful of sand and some grains slipped out of your hand and that made you cry? Uh, and you call yourself a grown man? I hope you kidding, Edgar.
O God! Can I not grasp — Them with a tighter clasp?
Well, don’t be so down on yourself. So what if you’re too uncoordinated to hold some sand in your hand without dropping it. What difference does it make in the big scheme of things, I mean, really Edgar!
O God! Can I not save One — From the pitiless wave?
There you go again, Edgar, focusing on what you can’t do instead of what you can! Hey I know! Why don’t you go rent a surf board and try surfing instead of trying to keep the sand from washing out to sea? It would be way more fun, I guarantee! Hey Edgar, did you notice how what I just said rhymes? What do you think of my poem?
Is all that we see or seem — But a dream within a dream?
Oh yeah right, don’t say anything about my poem, just go back to sleep . . . you big crybaby!
Well, it seems our attempts to cheer up Edgar have fallen on sleeping ears! But don’t worry, Dear Readers, for we shall never give up on our ongoing effort to cheer up the world’s most pathetic paragraphist, Edgar Allan Poe.
We all love Edgar Allan Poe,it’s just that sometimes he tends to get a bit carried away! And please, please don’t get him started on Annabel Lee . . . too late! Now you’ve gone and done it!
It was many and many a year ago, in a kingdom by the sea
Just for future reference, Edgar, saying many and many is the same thing as saying many – I know you’re into writing so I thought I’d pass that along.
That a maiden there lived whom you may know, by the name of Annabel Lee
No, I don’t know her, but I have heard of her.
And this maiden she lived with no other thought, than to love and be loved by me
Uh . . . OOOKAAY . . .
I was a child and she was a child in this kingdom by the sea
Really? Google says you were 27 and she was 14, but nevermind, keep going.
But we loved with a love that was more than love, I and my Annabel Lee
Shouldn’t it be: “My Annabel Lee and I”?
And this was the reason that long ago in this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling my beautiful Annabel Lee
So you’re telling me the wind was jealous of you and Annabel Lee? Oh something’s blowing alright, Edgar, but I’d have to say it probably involves smoke, a skirt and the direction of up — if you know what I mean.
So that her high-born kinsmen came and bore her away from me
Uh, I have a feeling those high-born kinsmen were her parents, and if they were smart, they didn’t let her play with you anymore.
To shut her up in a sepulchre, in the kingdom by the sea
Hold on a sec while I google that . . . Let’s see . . . it say s a small room or monument where a dead person is laid . . . WHAT? What’d I miss?
That the wind came out of the cloud by night, chilling and killing my Annabel Lee
Hold on! Whoa! OK, I don’t like the direction this is going in. I’m calling your psychiatrist.
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
It’s too late to be all cheery now, just get in the car, Edgar.
Oh, the beautiful, Annabel Lee; and the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes of the beautiful Annabel Lee and so all the night tide, I lay down by the tide . . .
Yeah sure, Edgar. You just keeeep telling yourself that. Watch your head . . . that’s right. What? Where are we going? We’re just going for a drive, Edgar . . . it’ll be fun!
Oh my darling — my darling — my life and my bride, in the sepulchre there by the sea, in her tomb by the sounding sea . . .
Hey I know. . . why don’t I see if I can find a happy song on the radio . . . until we get there . . . not that we’re going to the Institute . . . no-no, we’re just going wherever the jealous wind blows us. . . it’ll be fun!
Taking on the impossible task of trying to cheer up Edgar Allen Poe
“Once upon a midnight dreary”
“OK, I’m going to stop you right there for a second, Edgar. First of all, it’s midnight. Light some candles, whip up a batch of fudge, invite some girls over YOUR OWN AGE. Don’t just sit around and mope.”
“While I pondered weak and weary”
“Frankly, if you’re too weak and weary to even PONDER, you really ought to consider taking some vitamins and working out a little. I’ve told you a thousand times, if you’d just walk the circumference of the grave yard 4 times you will have walked a mile.
“Over a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore”
“Oh so you’re not even going to acknowledge that I just said something?”
“While I nodded nearly napping”
“Ok, listen, that’s a big part of your problem too. Who takes a nap at midnight? No wonder you’re having trouble sleeping.”
“Suddenly, there came a tapping, as if someone gently rapping, tapping at my chamber door.”
“Why do you insist on scaring yourself like that? What do you mean “as if” someone gently rapping or tapping (whatever) at your chamber door. You’re over thinking it. There’s somebody at the door, that all. It’s probably just your next door neighbors wanting to borrow another cup of laudanum.
“Tis some visitor I muttered, rapping at my chamber door, merely this and nothing more.”
“Ya think? What did I just say? Have you not heard a single word of this conversation?”
“Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December”
“You know, if you’d just drop the adjective “bleak” from you vocabulary altogether, you’d probably be a lot better off.
“And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor ”
OMG Edgar! You were stirring the fire and a few ashes fell on the floor! You’re such a Drama Queen!”
“Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow, from my books surcease of sorrow – sorrow for the lost Lenore”
“I hate to interrupt your little pity party here, Edgar, but I’m pretty sure surcease isn’t even a word.”
“For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore – Nameless here forever more.”
“What are you talking about? Did you not just say that the angels named her Lenore? So she’s not nameless is she? Ok, it’s clear you’re just wanting to wallow in self pity and you’re not listening to a word I’m saying. Fine. I’m leaving.”
Next time on Trying to Cheer up Edgar Allen Poe:
Edgar opens up about what it’s like to go through life having two belly buttons.