Hello Dear Readers! As you may know, this blog sometimes takes it upon itself to attempt to cheer up America’s most bummed-out pen-pusher, Edgar Allan Poe.
It seems Edgar just got back from a much needed vacation at the House of Usher. Let’s ask him how it went, shall we?
Hey Edgar! How was your vacation?
During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens . . .
Oh sorry to hear you didn’t have very good weather. I hope you managed to get outdoors a little bit anyway.
I had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country . . .
Oh great! Then you got in some horseback riding. Good for you!
. . . as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Usher.
Did it actually say “melancholy” in the brochure? And you chose it anyway? What were you thinking?
. . . and at length found myself, as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Usher . . .
You should have turned right around and gone home, Edgar. For heavens sake, Edgar, for once in your life use that over-sized-melon brain of yours to do something besides scare and depress yourself.
I know not how it was –but,
Oh now you’re just making excuses!
. . .with the first glimpse of the building, a sense of insufferable gloom pervaded my spirit.
Oh don’t pretend like you didn’t like it, Eddy. I’m beginning to think you live for that kind of thing.
I say insufferable; for the feeling was unrelieved by any of that half-pleasurable, because poetic, sentiment . . .
Edgar! Your not making any sense. Calm down! Here breath into this paper bag.
with which . . . gasp . . . the mind usually receives even the . . . gasp . . . sternest natural images of the desolate . . .gasp . . . or terrible. . . . gasp
Okay that’s not working. Hang tough, Ed, I’m going to go see if I can find your laudanum. Where’s your medicine cabinet?
–upon the bleak walls –upon the vacant eye-like windows –upon a few rank sedges —
Okay, well, I’ll look in all three places. Just sit down and try to stay calm.
. . .and upon a few white trunks of decayed trees . . .
Okay, okay! I’ll look there too.
. . . .with an utter depression of soul which I can compare to no earthly sensation more properly than to the after-dream of the reveller upon opium . . .
Opium!! Okay that does it. Get in the car. I’m taking you to rehab.
. . . there was an iciness, a sinking, a sickening of the heart –an unredeemed . . .
Get in the back seat. Watch your head!
. . .dreariness of thought which no goading of the imagination could torture into . . .
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say Eddie . . . buckle in!
What was it –I paused to think –what was it that so unnerved me in the contemplation of the House of Usher?
I don’t know, Edgar, but for next year’s vacation, why don’t you do us all a favor and just plan to go to Hawaii?
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Anyone who calls Edgar A. Poe by the nickname ‘Eddie’ is a class act in my world.
Ha ha! I knew you’d like the “Eddie”, Addie!!! 😀
Edgar Allan Poe and humor. The perfect combination. You’ve made me laugh out loud again. Thanks.
Poor Ed is such an easy target, bless his heart! So glad to hear it made you laugh! YAY! 😀
Edgar was SUCH a negative Nancy. He can’t even enjoy a simple vacation to he house of Usher without making it into a pity party. He really needs to read some self help books.
He does. What he should have been writing was Edgar Allan Poe’s: How to Overcome Melancholia and Get Girls — even if they do happen to be your 13 year old cousin! 😀 Poor Ed! 😀
Wow. As my hometown;s favorite son, I bet he was really pissed when the Colts left B-more, too!
Ha! Oh don’t even get him started on that one Seb! I can see it now, The Colts Returning Nevermore — The sequel to the Raven.
Reblogged this on The Ranting Papizilla and commented:
I love these. He is kind of a depressed fellow, isn’t he?
Hi,
A good laugh to start off my day, I loved the line about taking “Eddie” to rehab, it all fitted in beautifully, well done. 😀
So glad you liked it Mags! 😀
I can’t see where they hid the melancholy on that postcard. Maybe under those beautiful flowers?
Oh, maybe Eddie thought they meant Melon buffet! I mean, who doesn’t enjoy a nice plate of fruit with their amontillado?
Haha Guap!! I’m assuming you’re referring to the amontillado going well with the melon-choly buffet?
Yes, but light on the Choly please. (It sticks in my teeth.)
I didn’t want to say anything.
I haven’t even read (I don’t think yet I know of him) but I get the idea of how he writes …It was fun to read….Diane
Thanks Diane. He tends to take himself pretty seriously! 😀
Love the House of Usher!
Oh it is good isn’t it? 😀
You make me laugh! I finished an Edgar Allan Poe unit with my freshmen right before the holidays (I really wanted them to appreciate what they have!!) I think you captured him perfectly! 🙂
Thanks Jeanday! It sounds like I got the timing just right for you on this one! 😀 Oh that Ed, he was everybody’s Uncle Gloomy! 😀
OKay now THATS Funny … where do I sign up?
So glad you liked it Sam! 😀
Eddie’s about as much fun as a soggy bag of Funyuns and the corpulent Sogg what can be found eating ’em!
And it’s clear you have a promising future in advertising art!!! : )
Corpulent Sogg! HAha Mark!! (and I didn’t even have to google corpulent to see what it meant — oh who am I kidding — yes I did and I’m glad of it. It fits him perfectly. In fact, I think that’s the word they had to make up especially for Mr. Funyun!
I wonder if they came up with Funyuns for him too. Perhaps to give him something to do while waiting outside the oval office on his folding chair — plus he was always having to get out the white house vacuum cleaner and vacuum up the Funyun crumbs. I bet those four years really few by for him — or was it eight years? Oh what’s the difference!