Dear Readers! Exultation at the mailbox!
The American Automobile Association otherwise known as Triple A Life Insurance Company was kind enough to send me a Notice that I’m going to die — it’s just a matter of time . . . but until I do can I please send them some money?
Look how official the Notice is!
And best of all, there’s no Medical Exam Required!
All I have to do is answer a few simple questions to see if I qualify. Well, Dear Reader, I think you will agree that that’s not just wonderful, that’s frigging wonderful!
And More Great News
If an insured member, such as myself, is diagnosed with a terminal illness that will cause death, such as my own, in 12 months or less? No Worries! They’re not even going to go back and try to figure out where I lied on medical questionnaire they sent me! (Ha! Suckers!)
And yet, I — as the person who will be dead in 12 months or less — will still be eligible to receive a lump sum Accelerated Death Benefit amount that my spouse can use any way he wants to — like finally taking that Mexican vacation to forget he was ever married to ol’ Linda whatshername!
Isn’t that just Frigging Wonderful Dear Reader?
. . . uh oh . . . wait a minute . . . . hold the phone . . . I just read further down on the page and it says:
If you receive an Accelerated Death Benefit amount, we will deduct a processing fee of $75.00
So let me get this straight, Triple A. You’re saying that when my poor spouse is in Mexico crying his eyes out –beside himself with grief — trying to choke down a couple of Chimichangas and a large pitcher of margaritas and sadly salsa dancing with Senoritas, you are going to have the audacity to charge him with a $75.00 processing fee?
Well that just sucks the frigging right out of the wonderful, Triple A.
You can just forget the whole thing!
Until next time . . . I love you (but that doesn’t go for you Triple A)
30 thoughts on “It Came in the Mail: So You’re Going to Die”
That $75 could buy a LOT of frosty-mourningly-delicious margaritas, too! 😉
Haha Erin! So true! 😀
You should see if you get some kind of bonus for every twelve months you live…
By the way, Exultation at the Mailbox will be the name of my next ska-klezmer band.
Haha! I had to google ska-klezmer — glad I did.
That’s it! I was planning to die in the next 12 months, but if it is going to cost me $75, I may as well forget about it and love forever.
Phew! Thank goodness you found out before anything untoward happened, Seb!
haha! At least your eligible! Now, if you can just get through the next part of the qualifying process, is that the dying part? I think you’ll end up with the accelerated death benefit!! Do it, Linda!! It’s worth a shot. Of course if you win, you’ll be dead, but you’ll be a dead winner!
Up in the corner it says “Important Member information.” Does that mean that the information is important or does it mean that the member is important? I’m confused?
“Not so much salt this time, huh? I’m in mourning…” hahaha!
I know that pesky dying part. And it has to be a terminal illness before I would qualify for Accelerated death benefit. They’re so strict. Whatever happened to Double Indemnity? They probably don’t even know who Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck are I’ll bet you anything!
And I don’t know if Important Member Information means important member or important information. Hey I know! Why don’t you ask the camouflage wearing dead deer in the pick up guy? I bet he would have a hilarious explanation for us, Lisa! LOL!!
They give with one hand and take with the other.
They are so very cruel, Joe.
$75 is a rip off, will they wave that fee if you live another 50 years or so?
Ha! Yes it is a total rip off! It really gives a person an incentive to live Mags! HA! 😀
Well that $75 would just ruin your grieving Hubby’s trip, then he would have two things to grieve. That’s just not right, he would need those drinks…
Haha! Your right Bucky!! That’s just not right! 😀
OMG Linda….This was freakin’ hysterical…..Just curious…Does that death benefit come with a life supply of Margaritas for your spouse or significant other??? If NOT…Count me OUT…:)
LOL Sooz!! A life supply of Margaritas is a death benefit worth living for! 😀 I’ll break the news to Triple A about your not wanting to sign up. I don’t think they’re going to take it well though! 😀
P.S. Why am I NOT on your Blogroll??? 😦
You’re not on my blog roll? Well . . uh . . . uh . . .I was just going to add it and then I got started on the death benefit margaritas and . . . hic . . .
I’m stumbling down into the wordpress basement to push some buttons and you name will be up in lights on my blog next time you come by . . . hic . . . .:D
Accelerated Death Benefit also sounds like a cool band name. No idea what kind of music it would be, though. 😛
Australia is being inundated by this sort of crap. Offering 70 year-olds $20,000 death payouts for their families with no prior health checks and all for ‘the cost of a cup of coffee a week’……..only to find out that next year the premium increases to something like ‘the cost of a cup of coffee every hour’. If it seems too good to be true……….
A cup a coffee every hour! HA! Yes and if they die before the premium is raised it probably cancels out the death benefits altogether.
It sure makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside when companies like triple A take the time to find out my name: Jackquelyn E Bensen, and send me letters with exciting NEWS and ONE TIME OFFERS. Triple A and AARP should get together with all these great deals and benefits before you die.
I don’t know Jackie, they are pretty tempting. Remember the AARP bottled water carrying bag for your trunk? The AARP emblazoned across the front. And all you had to do was sign up to pay them $54 a year for absolutely nothing! I mean that had to be a crowd pleaser!
Oh I don’t know whether i am supposed to be happy or sad.. but leave it to you to dig up the truth of the matter and point out the idiocy.. I love that about you <4
Ah I just looked up <4! How sweet!! <4 Now that I have my blog, I see junk mail in a totally different light that's for sure! HA!
HAHAHA… so depressing, these types of assessments.. eesh.. glad to see you can make humor out of it 😀
Oh I know! I don’t think they have any idea how insulting they are! 😀
I love the ‘small print’….or the print that’s at the bottom and they hope if they give you enough to read you won’t make it that far…Dianec
Oh isn’t that the truth. And they are offering it to you unsolicited and then they put in all these rules like you’re trying to take advantage of them! HA!