Inappropriate Items to Send in Your Child’s Backpack on the First Day of Kindergarten
Signed blank checks made out to the teacher
Fifty Shades of Gray coloring crayons
Firecrackers
The kitty that has ringworm
Five Hour Energy Drinks
Any type of blow torch
Daddy’s arrest warrant
The I Ching
Opened bottles of ink
Mommy’s list of euphemisms for the f-word
Birds of any variety (dead or alive)
Molten Lava
Mommy’s note explaining why she ran off with the Gardner
Any type of antifreeze
Foods that are exactly the same size as a five-year-old’s esophagus
Daddy’s empty Jack Daniels Bottles
Until next time . . . I love you