Welcome Dear Readers! Happy Friday! Well after a long week of slaving over a hot keyboard, this blog is taking the day off, and is serving up this archived Pottery Barn post for your viewing pleasure! Have a great Friday! See you tomorrow!
Dear Readers! The new Pottery Barn Catalog just arrived and not a moment too soon! For you see, in this issue of The Catalog, Pottery Barn finally provides solutions to how we, as boring, ordinary citizens, can become more intriguing!
“Your Home Tells the Intriguing Story of who you are, where you’ve been and what inspires you most.” — Pottery Barn Catalog August 2012
What Pottery Barn means by this is that your home WILL tell an intriguing story of how intriguing you are IF you purchase fake-intriguing-story-about-you decor from Pottery Barn.
Frankly, PB suspects you’re not all that intriguing which is why Pottery Barn has taken the liberty of punching up your life through the use of decor that implies you are all that and a bag of potato chips. Let’s look as some examples, shall we?
The intriguing story this Pottery Barn wall decor says about you is:
You don’t quite understand about the alphabet.
Oh sure we all learned our ABC’s . . . except for you. Why? Because you were too busy helping Pottery Barn’s “Grams.”
For you see, you were always hunting for truffles at Martha’s Vineyard with your beloved Pottery Barn Grams and therefore; you never attended school with all the other “saps” which means you can’t read or write. So now you obsessively nail gigantic wooden letters to your walls. So what? That’s not weird, it’s intriguing!
The intriguing story this Pottery Barn vignette says about you is:
You’re favorite snack is honey and shredded Parmesan cheese.
Ah! Nothing quenches the thirst and eases the hunger pangs quite like a refreshing jar of honey and a big ol’ heaping bowl of shredded Parmesan cheese after a long day of helping Grams frantically dig for truffles at Martha’s Vineyard in the backyard estates of the rich and famous before they come home.
You and Grams prefer a snack that sticks to your ribs, your fingers as well as your Pottery Barn Vintage Printer’s Customizable Cabinet! Oh sure, let people roll their eyes at how messy you are! That’s the difference between them and you. They’re stupid, and YOU’RE INTRIGUING!
The intriguing story this Pottery Barn Blackboard says about you is:
Your grandmother is a drug dealer.
If you look closely at this blackboard, you will see that somebody has written “EMPTY Da Da Da Da.” and “Do EMPTY 4”
And you know you didn’t write it because you are too intriguing to know how to read and write. Could it have been Grams?
Wait a minute why are the police leading Grams out to that police car?
What? All those truffles Grams was digging up (and sampling) turned out to be hallucinogenic mushrooms which she apparently was selling to earn money to purchase intriguing-story-about-you decor from Pottery Barn?
Ha ha! That Grams! While most grandmothers are sitting at home in their rocker knitting sweaters, reading Reader’s Digest and clipping coupons, YOUR Grams is trading cigarettes, working out and filing appeals!
And if that doesn’t make YOU intriguing, Pottery Barn doesn’t know what does!
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
I can’t believe all the time I have been wasting trying to make myself intriguing…
I know! Tell me about it! Unfortunately I can only afford one piece of PB intriguing decor. Which wouldn’t make me full-fledged intriguing but would at least up grade my intriguing status to “I’m listening to about have of what you say” status.
A step in the right direction.
Hi AB, fancy seeing you over here.
What’s up with the letters, you know I hate word decal, what is that trying to say? Usually they direct you to do something “Wash” “Sleep” I can only think an S is missing and it is meant to say ASS
I think that’s what it’s trying to say alright Joe. That’s what you are for spending money on stupid big letters and nailing them up on your wall.
Oh intriguing PB, how I’ve missed thee! I simply MUST purchase the wacky mismatched letters to place next to my bowl of pretentiousness cheese shavings. Then *Grams can come over on the 17th. That or I plan to do something with Teddy Grams. Or grams of cocaine. Instant intrigue!
Well at least we can make our own trendy cheese shavings for relatively little cost. But the PB bowl’s going to cost at least 40 bucks . . sigh . . .
I don’t think I’m ready for intriquing. Guess I’ll stay boring. Well, my boring anyway, which is intriquing. 🙂
Mine too Jackie!! Our boring is the new intriguing, right? HA! 😀
Sounds good to me Linda! 🙂
:D!!
Dear Linda, the lesser mortals of this world have set themselves a lifetime to struggle to achieve ultimate intriguifness. Its a struggle but think in the end, it will be up there with enlightenment.
Hahah! You are so right Summers and I’ll bet Pottery Barn is already working on their Pottery Barn “Enlightenment” Catalog! 😀
I think Grams defense attorney is going to wat to speak to you about hurting their chances for an acquittal on the mushrooms charge.
But it may reinforce their temporary insanity claim!
LOL! She’s also been going around town claiming she thought up the idea for Teddy Grams . . .They’d be wise to send her to the bottom of the sea for some sustainable seagrass wearing sustainable cement seagrass harvesting boots!
I don’t need PB to make me intriguing. At least that’s what my NSA agent posts on my FB wall.
Ahahah! Poor Pottery Barn, it’s only a matter of time before they are bought out by the NSA! 😀
It’s for the economy. 😉
Yeah! God bless ’em! ;D
I feel so bereft…we don’t have potty barn over here…what am I to do?
That’s so heartbreaking, I don’t even know where to begin. Perhaps Trenton Babbage Enterprises could become a subsidiary of Pottery Barn. Would that work for you? It works for me! (I’ll see if I can locate Grams to see how she feels about it.)
I must confess that I’m not overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a subsidiary of Potty Barn; do you know if they are struggling financially at all? I could mount a hostile takeover. I’d treat Grams with the utmost respect of course though.
Well, Pottery Barn can’t be doing too bad financially. They charge $56 for a white board you can buy everywhere else for six dollars. Buy they claim it’s “sustainable” you see, so they feel they can tack on the extra $50. So Trenton Babbage Enterprises stands to make millions from a hostile take over. I give the idea two thumbs up!
Is that because you only have two thumbs to raise? Would it be more had you more?
Yes! That’s exactly it. (I’m all thumbs.)