Welcome Dear Readers! Have you been eating a little too much of everything lately causing you to feel fat? Feeling fat is a horrible feeling. To find out how horrible ‘feeling fat’ is let’s look at where feeling fat lies on a scale of one to ten:
Well never fear, Dear Readers! Help for “Feeling Fat” is on the way from the Royal Canadian Air Force!
Now you’re probably saying to yourself, but, Linda, what gives? (If you’re not go ahead and say it to yourself, I’ll wait)
You’re not even a Canadian, Linda. Shouldn’t a post about exercising with the Royal Canadian Air Force at least be written by a blogger who is actually from Canada like Zoe, or Trent, or Helena? Or at least a blogger who recently visited Canada – like the effervescent Guap? Or even Lily, our most beloved Canadian poser?
And the answer is a resounding NO with 5 Canadian exclamation marks not including this one → !
While I was Schlepping
For I ask you, Dear Readers, where were all these so-called Canadians while I was schlepping around the thrift store hunting my fingers to the bone looking for Royal Canadian Air Force Exercise booklets from 1962 to keep you, Dear Reader, from “feeling fat?”
I’ll tell you where they were! They were relaxing on their ice-sculpted couches, eating their poutine with their miniature hockey sticks, that Canadians use instead of forks — all the while going on and on about how great William Shatner is ad naseum in between sticking the letter “u” in random words that are just fine without them — that’s where!
But let’s get back to the topic at hand: Feeling Fat, America’s National Epidemic that the Canadian Royal Air Force is trying its darndest to help us out with
People in Canada don’t have a “Feeling Fat” epidemic because they’re a hardy bunch of stalwart individuals who brave the bitter cold each and every day. In fact, Canadians burn more calories walking to and from their cars in freezing temperatures in one day than a typical American will burn in a week paddling on an air mattress to Hawaii or Alaska (but usually Hawaii).
So now let’s open the The Royal Canadian Air Force Exercise book and see just exactly what exercises the Royal Canadian Air Force tells us to perform to keep us from feeling fat:
And there you have it, Dear Readers! If this little exercise in exercising the Royal Canadian Air Force way has helped you to feel a little less fat, then their job here is done, and they can go back to what they do best which is, of course, carrying chairs around in their Canadian underwear.
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Carrying a chair around thus? I have always insisted Shirley vacuums naked to retain her figure – hasn’t worked yet mind! Then again that is the English way!
Ahahaha! And that’s what I love about you wild and crazy English!
I first read that as The Royal Canadian Air Farce (a satirical radio then television program up here) but I suppose I was wrong. This was a very humorous piece, darling, though I daresay the good old RCAF has some great exercise ideas!
They certainly do! You Canadians must be in excellent shape! And it also looks like your much more limber than Americans! 😀
I’ve never had any complaints darling! (wink)
Haha!
I am writing this while balancing a chair in my shorts,. It’s a bit parky, but I need to lose weight. Do you think if I put the chair down, I would weigh less?
LOL Elaine! That might be the fastest way to drop 25 pounds I’ve ever heard of. (I smell a weigh loss book coming on . . .)
You forgot that we also build igloos that keeps us pretty thin, or running from moose and bears. 😉 Thank you for the mention.
Aha! I’ve got to try building an igloo to lose weight. I wonder if I have enough ice cubes . . . how many ice cubes are in an igloo anyway?
Well they are actually snow blocks so…many
Uh oh those snow blocks are hard to come by in California.
I could have em shipped but it would cost you…lol
Zoe! You’re supposed to stick up for us!
I know right oops! It’s just so crazy cold up here that I lost my mind! Have you seen it?
I did see something weird in my little girl’s diaper… just kidding!
Now that was funny! I have give you that on! LOL
I’m always funny, Masta Z.
That you are funneh Trendy Trent rappa TL Lewin!
Yo yo yo Masta Z, cow’s in the pasture and the pig’s on the mend!
Yo yo, Rappa TL an oink and a moo, pass da stew!
I could go for a good stew… word, homie.
In the crockpot rappa stew, i mean trendy rappa stew..i mean..
Umm…I kind of aspire to number four…
(Who is that dashing young man poised so comfortably on that ice couch?)
(And can he float that to Alaska?)
(Or, more rarely, to Hawaii?)
And some day Guap I fully expect to see you on national news, drunk doing something marvelous . . . ice couch dancing perhaps?
Dude, we’re not letting you back in, if you’re gonna give Linda fodder to mess with us. We Canadians are polite – but it’s getting real, yo.
Polite…? Mr L Guapo appears to be grinning from ear to ear…while behind him, between the two windows, the building is ‘giving us the bird’.
Slightly different context now, eh…?
Oh good eye! Proving my long-held theory, you can never turn your back on the Canadians . . .
I missed that the first time… interesting. Close the borders immediately!
No – you are right. Canadians are without exception well mannered and friendly. Unlike us Brits and the Americans, they always hand a country back after they’ve had a war in it. That’s classy.
What’s better than browsing in a second hand bookstore? NOTHING, as far as I’m concerned. Thanks for NOTHING, Amazon and eReader manufacturers for destroying something that gave me a lot of pleasure.
I’m totally addicted to it! It’s the tiny pamphlets stuck between the books that I love. I feel like a gold prospector! I think we should protest e-books . . . but we’d have to do it online, blech /-p
Good grief! Not only did we have that book, my dad did the exercises. In fact, right now, as I type, I’m doing isometrics. See how easy it is?
Ahahahaha! That totally makes my day, Addie!
Okay, Canadians (and you know who you are because Linda called you out), this means war. Rally the beavers! Assemble the moose! I’ll start on the poutine, you guys get some ice wine! And that photo of Guap on the ice thing…. let’s just forget we ever saw that, we don’t have lame ice sculptures in Canada. Linda, this is getting real – you may have just created a Canada-US incident!
Oh yeah? Well American Moose come already assembled. Put that in your Canadian beaver hats and smoke it,
Oh we’ll put it in our beaver hats and smoke it all right… that’s exactly what we do before we head out for total war and annihilation. This is gonna be 1812 all over again, sugah!
Well as I remember, we Americans won the war of 1812! That was the one over poutine, right? Or does my memory need to be refreshed?
What????? YOU won the war of 1812?
Uh oh . . . did I say too much . . . What’s this memo doing on my desk . . . let’s see here . . . it says, Linda whatever you do never tell Trent Lewin that Canada lost the war of 1812 . . . uh oh. . . .
Don’t make us replay 1812, dude…
Yes! We are talking about the overture, aren’t we?
Oh boy…
I think the overture lasted longer than the war of 1812
I feel faut eh? It’s probably all that Canadian bacon I’ve been eating.
I love your list of where feeling fat lies on top 10 worst things to feel. But I find feeling fat, while it can last all day, conveniently gets pushed into the back of my mind (or thighs) when it’s time for dessert.
I lost 10lbs just reading this article.