Welcome Dear Readers to this week’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories!
Today in Sunday school Gregory learned about how God’s two angels visited Abraham’s nephew, Lot, in beautiful downtown Sodom. It’s based as loosely on Genesis: 19: 1-10 — if you’d like to follow along.
Sodom and the Elephant in the Room
One day, the Lord decided to do some evil-people spring cleaning so he sent two of his right-hand angels to Sodom to destroy every man, woman and child who lived there.
When the angels got to the gates of Sodom, Abraham’s favorite nephew, Lot, was waiting for them. As they approached, Lot jumped up and ran over to greet them by bowing down before them.
Lot: Welcome Angels!! Hope you didn’t have any trouble finding the place. My wife’s got a big bowl of water ready so we can wash your feet. We know how much you angels love a good foot washing. And then my wife will prepare you a fabulous dinner.
Angel #1: What’s she making?
Lot: Tacos.
Angel #2: Out of what kind of meat?
Lot: Good question. You know I never thought to ask.
Angel #1: Oh. well in that case, thanks for the offer but we’ll just spend the night out in the open, here in the Sodom city square. I’m sure we’ll be fine.
Lot: Listen Angels, I wouldn’t advise that.
Angel #2: Why?
Lot: I’ll spare you the gory details, but everyone who lives in Sodom is horribly depraved.
Angel#1: Really, you mean they don’t always return their library books on time?
Lot: It’s worse than that I’m afraid.
Angel #2: You mean they sneak and eat the last piece of Angel food cake without asking first if the Lord wants it?
Lot: Worse than that even.
Angel #1: Gasp!
Angel #2: Gasp! Choke! Gasp!
The angels fumbled around in their between-wing backpacks until they found their asthma inhalers. Then they all sat down and rested awhile and got to know each other better. They were in the middle of exchanging their funniest foot-washing stories when it started to get dark.
Lot: Aha ha ha! . . . and you thought the bowl of dirty foot water was the soup? . . . ahaha . . . oh you guys are killing me. Ha ha ha! Ahhhhh! But hey it’s getting dark, angels, we better hasten to my house and bolt the door shut, move the dresser in front of it, roll a huge boulder in front of that and then get the elephant to shore it all up with his trunk.
Angel #1: Sounds like somebody got a new home security system!
Lot: Yeah and if anybody breaks in and rapes us, we get one month free!
Angel #1: Wow! That a great deal.
So Lot and the two angels high tailed it over to his house. Lot’s wife and daughters had just finished preparing the tacos and were sitting in the corner busily perfecting their foot washing techniques on the elephant’s feet and marveling, once again, at how handy it was to have an elephant around the house.
Sometime after dinner:
Angel #1: Those were great tacos, Mrs. Lot.
Mrs. Lot: Thank you, but I thought I used a little too much–
Angel #1: Salt?
Mrs. Lot: You thought so too.
Angel #2: What kind of meat was that, anyway?
Mrs. Lot: It was—
Before Mrs. Lot could answer, an angry mob began pounding on Lots door.
Lot: Who is it?
Angry Mob: It’s us. Sodom’s angry mob of men, young and old.
Lot: What do you want?
Angry Mob: We want you to send out the two angels so we can–
Lot: Have them go with you to return your library books?
Angry Mob. Yeah that’s it.
Lot: Well I have two daughters who could help you with that. They’re virgins and spend most of their time at the library, so they know the fastest way there.
Lot’s daughter: Dad! Stop it! You’re embarrassing us! We don’t want to help them return their library books!
Lot: One more word out of you, young lady, and I wont’ let you clean up after the elephant anymore.
Lot’s Daughter: Sorry dad.
Angry Mob: We’re going to keep pounding on this door until you open it.
Lot: What shall we do?
Angel #1 to Angel #2: We could strike them all blind.
Angel #2 to Angel #1: That’s a thought.
Lot: Or you could strike all of us deaf, and then we couldn’t hear the pounding.
Mrs. Lot: But then we couldn’t hear the elephant, if he needed us.
Lot: Good point.
Angel #1: We could strike them so they can’t taste or smell anything.
Lot’s Wife: How about striking us so we can’t smell anything.
Angel #1: Why?
Lot’s Wife: If you have to ask, you’ve never lived with an elephant.
Angel #1: Let’s just go with my original idea to strike all of them blind.
Lot: Okay fine. But they’re pounding on the door already. Won’t they still know where the door is?
Angel #2: Lot.
Lot: Yes?
Angel #2: I think I hear your elephant calling.
And there you have it, Dear Readers, what Gregory learned in Sunday School today. Be sure to check back next week when the angels destroy Sodom and Lot’s wife becomes a pillar in the community.
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
I found a lot to be gained from this tale Linda. There was a lot of evil cleansing in the old testament wasn’t there which of course gives plenty of fun to write about. I am looking forward to your take on the new testament. Very enjoyable Linda as always.
Oh thanks Michael. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I’m finding the bible to be the perfect fall guy! They were constantly having to figure out how to get themselves out of big, strange messes — and that’s not even counting the elephants!
Hi Linda, I don’t live far from Ringling Museum, which either had that Rubens’ Painting or one very very much like it, and I’ve seen it a hundred times. One of the great painters, he was.
“I’m finding the bible to be the perfect fall guy!”
I’m thinking your talents are such that perhaps you might not be using them to their utmost. Just a thought.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings with that last remark. If I did, I didn’t mean too. I made it after I had spent a grueling couple of days on an athiest community. I won’t make that mistake again. They thought I was a theist because I quoted the bible. A most unpleasant experience being in that echo chamber, complete with a Hannibal Lecter type character. (I won’t tell you the details because you wouldn’t want to know them.)
Anyhow, wishing you well. Hope you do whatever makes you happiest. You’re a very nice person. I’m going to be much more cautious about who I communicate with from now on.
Oh, that sounds unpleasant indeed! Yikes. I just hope that wasn’t your vacation! And please no apology necessary about your comment. I think you have to be in the mood for Gregory. And if you’re not he can be pretty annoying! He’s grounded until next Sunday! HA!
And I really appreciate your taking the time to come by and read and comment. It means a lot to me.
You never fail to tickle the funny bone. I’ve never found Gregory annoying. 🙂
Oh thank you Donald! 😀
You mean because I’m poking fun at the bible or not doing a very good job at poking fun of the bible or both? LOL!
I’m working my way through the bible story by story. One a week until I get hit by a bolt of lightening! (Hey everybody has to die of something, right?)
Oh, I mean you’re doing a excellent work. As I’ve mentioned before, I truly think you are a very talented humorist.