Gregory’s Bible Stories: God and Gideon’s Questionnaire


Welcome Dear Readers to this week’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories. Today Gregory learned about how God whittled down Gideon’s army from 22,000 to 300.

Let’s listen in as Gregory fills us in on what must have happened.

gregory God and Gideon’s Questionnaire

When last we left our hero, Gideon, he and the Lord had been sorting through 22,000 potential warrior applicants to decide who would go to war against the Midianites.  The weeding-out process was accomplished by having the applicants answer the following questionnaire:

Circle the best answer to the following questions:

Gideon and five men of his men were fighting ten Midianites.  Two of his men beheaded six Midianites and three of his men stabbed four Midianites seven times. How many heads of dead Midianites did Gideon’s wife have to find room for on their trophy shelf. Round up to the nearest Midianite.

A) 12

B) 117

C) 1,283, 747

D) Just the head of Regis Philbin

On any given day, I have been known to worship:

A) God

B) Baal

C) Golden idols

D) Just the head of Regis Philbin

My favorite offering to burn on the altar is:

A) First born lamb

B) a quart of olive oil

C) S’mores

D) Just the head of Regis Philbin

If nobody’s looking, I drink out of the river like a:

A) dog

B) kitty

C) giraffe

D) Just the head of Regis Philbin

I like to use the following musical instrument to kill people in battle:

A) a trumpet

B) a flute

C) an oboe

D) Just the head of Regis Philbin

When I go to battle with Gideon to defeat the Midianites I plan to carry:

A) An empty jar with a torch inside and a trumpet

B) One small goat and a bugle

C) A big stick

D) Just the head of Regis Philbin

The nation of Israel is located on:

A) The northern most tip of the Red Sea

B) Mount Ararat

C) The coastal plains of Galilee

D) Just the head of Regis Philbin

When I go to heaven, I hope to be taking with me:

A) An honorable soul that has followed God’s word

B) A mind that is worthy of the heaven

C) Noble intentions and a pure heart

D) Just the head of Regis Philbin

And there you have it Dear Readers.  Please stop by next week at this same time to find out what Gregory learned in Sunday School.

Until next time . . . I love you

Gideo and his trumpeters

14 thoughts on “Gregory’s Bible Stories: God and Gideon’s Questionnaire

  1. I found the questionaire decidedly tricky Linda, of course after several attempts and hours of research on wikipedia I came to the conclusion the ‘d’ was the correct answer in each case…you tricky questioner Linda, though I did find the question on musical instruments in battle a challenge as I kept thinking of how all the oboe players I know would feel about using their precious instrument as a killing implement, but I was saved of course by realising good old ‘d’ was the only answer. What would my Monday morning be without the spiritual tonic you send my way. Uplifted I am.

  2. That is one disturbingly inaccurate illustration you have found. It is disturbing on every level. It would disturb almost any article about anything. I am now disturbed. Particularly.

  3. Linda, you humorous little devil, you…

    I have nothing to say. Even if I should.

    Really.

    Just kidding…. How many hours of research did Gregory put in on this? And, did any of it indicate which answers God used to pick the stupidest 300? (Those would be the ones who actually ended up fighting, naturally…)

    Oh, and, just curious, but, the picture I see for your new icon is a bit small; which end of the horse is that?

    gigoid, the dubious

    😕

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