Trying (Yet Again) to Cheer Up Edgar Allan Poe


Hello Dear Readers. As you may recall, from time to time, this blog takes it upon itself to try to cheer up America’s most famous Gloomy Gus, Edgar Allan Poe.

“At midnight, in the month of June, I stand beneath the mystic moon.”

“Uh . . . Edgar, what are you doing outside at midnight?  Don’t you realize it’s 1835 and antibiotics haven’t even been invented yet?  It’s almost like you’re trying to catch cholera. For god’s sakes, Edgar, go home and go to bed!”

“An opiate vapor, dewy, dim, Exhales from out her golden rim.”

“Okay, I hate to be the one to break it to you, Edgar, but the moon doesn’t have a golden rim; plus, I’m pretty sure the moon’s a boy.  I really must insist you put down your pipe now and go in the house.”

“And, softly dripping , drop by drop, Upon the quiet mountain top”

“Now that’s a nice upbeat phrase.  I like it because it’s positive.  Why don’t you tell me another one while I lead you into the house.    I’m just going to take you by the hand!  Yikes your hand is cold!” What do you have ice cubes in your pockets?”

“The rosemary nods upon the grave; the lily lolls upon the wave”

“Sckrrrreeeechk . . . record scratch!  There you go again with the graves. I don’t care if ALL your friends are dead, Ed, sitting around the graveyard moping 24/7  is just going to make things worse.  Oh, and are you sure lolls is a word?  You might want to double check it with your friend, Daniel Webster — if he’s still alive, that is. Ha ha.  No! No! Edgar he is still alive I was just kidding.  It was a joke Edgar!”

“All beauty sleeps!- and lo! where lies; Irene, and with her Destinies”

“Irene? What happened to the Lenore your raven was always flapping his beak about?  Oh, so now that you’re a big fancy poet you just cast Lenore aside for Irene?  Lenore who stuck by you when you were a nobody?  And now that you’re a big shot writer you just cast her aside for some floozy named Irene?”

“The Lady sleeps!  Oh, may her sleep, which is enduring so be deep!”

“Hey lookee here, Edgar!  I bet you’ve never seen this before?  It’s called duct tape, and I’m just going to stick it over your mouth like so!  There now that’s better.  That’s much, much better!”

* * *

Until next time . . . I love you

30 thoughts on “Trying (Yet Again) to Cheer Up Edgar Allan Poe

  1. This is pure genius. I love Poe. Where did you get the idea to do this? I love it! My son will be doing some work on Poe this year in English class…I’m hoping he likes him as much as I do.

    • I love Poe too and I memorized The Raven just for fun when I was in high school. One day I was thinking about that poem and I was thinking about Edgar’s state of mind and decided to do something about it, by gum! 😀 I’m so glad they are picking something for them to study that won’t bore the kids to death thus making them hate literature! (Mrs. Haversham I’m talking to you!) HA! 😀

  2. “I must insist you put down your pipe…” LOL!!! Linda, you crack me up. America’s most famous Gloomy Gus! You’ve got that right!
    I actually do love Edgar Allen Poe, despite his chemical imbalance. haha!

  3. Edgar Allen really needs to move away from rainy ole England to a place like Palm Springs. I think a little bit of sunshine, retirees and maybe a few gay bars would help his dreary disposition.

    • Well, you know he was actually from here. But he certainly would have fit right in with the “rainy ole England group” And I think a little fun in the sun is exactly what he needed! 😀

    • Really? That’s fascinating Randy. I had no idea he lived in the Bronx. I would have never put Edgar Allan Poe and the Bronx together. I guess you learn something new every day! 😀

  4. Ha!! A post humorously posthumously!

    (Although I must admit I’m glad you don’t have a time machine so you could attempt to do this humorously pre-humously. Think of all the fine literature we’d miss out on if he’d set down the pipe, settled down and written joke books. “How many ravens does it take to screw in a light bulb?” “Nevermore than one.”)

  5. Wyrd Smythe – served up “Poe on Wry”.

    What great comments. Funny. You Poe-st was terrific. Maybe even a “Poe-st Toast!” or “Poe-st Toasties!”

    Did you hear that Poe went to a Weight Watcher’s meeting?
    Of course not, because the meeting left him ravenous.

    Cheers! Randy

    • Quote the raven “whatever . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .more.

      I like it. I’m going to try channeling Poe to see if he’ll change it. I’ll let let you know what he says.

  6. It seems like your sincere efforts haven’t been cheering up poor Poe.
    I wonder, does the Voodoo Lady have a doll with his countenance, perched beneath a cask, stored in a basement with a ticking Raven?
    Just wondering…

  7. Maybe . . . I heard it was the Voodoo Lady who gave him tuberculosis but she corrected me. She didn’t give him tuberculosis. The Voodoo Lady said she only gave him scoliosis which is not quite as bad, but still not much fun.

    • LOL Mark! Hahahaha. There’s not many things that would equal the devastation of having a perpetually half-empty Funyuns bag especially if it was because Al Gore kept coming over and eating them. Haha! 😀

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