laughter

Linda’s Bedtime Stories for Grown-up Children

Linda Vernon The Daily Routine, Trifecta Writing Challenges , , , , , ,

Kerplink!

Marlene Frappuzio –the bestselling author of “The Wind Only Blows on Thursdays” — sat at her keyboard, fingers poised, waiting for an idea.  Any idea.  Having already spent the advance for her much anticipated, but as yet unwritten, sequel to “Shut the Window!”  Marlene was desperate for an inspiration, desperate for a plot, desperate for a drink of water.  Marlene took a drink of water.  One desperation down, two to go.

“Hey, honey, I’m organizing my vitamins!” Howard Frappuzio, Marlene’s awkward husband, announced, walking into the room.  He was holding a shoebox full of vitamins and accidentally tripped –sending hundreds of vitamins flying everywhere.

Marlene stifled a scream of frustration — one that bordered on hair-raising, but stopped just short of blood-curdling.

“Sorry dear,” Howard was on his hands and knees now picking up vitamins one by one and returning them to the shoe box.  Kerplink, kerplink, kerplink  . . .

All that kerplinking suddenly inspired a revolutionary idea to pop into Marlene’s mind — an idea as welcome as a sign on a long stretch of deserted highway announcing: All you can eat buffet! Restrooms open to the public!

That’s it! Marlene would write about murder by way of vitamin overdose! Oh sure, it was only a crude notion of a plot now, but it just might work.  She’d have to try a little experiment first, however.

Kerplink . . .  “I’ll get out of your hair, honey,  just as soon as I’m done picking up these vitamins.” Howard said.

* * *

Marlene pushed her chair back from the dinner table and contemplated her dead husband, Howard, as he lay face down in his cream of mushroom soup — which had been iron-fortified to the point of death — and dialed 911.

“Hello?  Yes, I think my husband’s dead!  Send someone over!”

Marlene bent down and began picking up vitamins.  The murder she had just committed was perfect!  Perfect except for one thing.   She really should have waited until Howard was done picking up all these vitamins.   kerplink . . . kerplink . . . kerplink . . .

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Linda Vernon Humor Trifect Writing Challenge

33-Word Trifecta Writing Challenge: If you know what I mean

Linda Vernon The Daily Routine, Trifecta Writing Challenges , , , , , , ,

Welcome Dear Readers!  The 33-Word Trifecta writing Challenge for this weekend is to write your own spin on the following quote:

Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind. –Henry James –

Here’s my take:

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Keep scrolling . . . .

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And scrolling . . . .

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Isn’t this fun? . . . 

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Just a little bit farther . . . .

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Ah here we are! . . . 

There are three ways to look at any situation.  There’s the first way if you know what I mean.  There’s the second way if you know what I mean, and there’s the third way if you know what I mean.

gratutitutas picture
Gratuitous Trifecta Challenge Picture

Until next time . . . I love you (If you know what I mean)

Weekend Trifecta 33-Word Challenge: Where’s–

Linda Vernon The Daily Routine, Trifecta Writing Challenges , , , , , , ,

Hello and Welcome Dear Readers! This week’s Trifecta 33-word writing challenge is to write a story about the picture below.

Where’s–

Trifecta weekend Challenge: Where's Waldo
“Hey! Is that him over there?”
“No ! Like I said, the guy we’re looking for is wearing a great big, goofy red-and-white-striped sweater.”
“But that could be anybody.”
“Tell me about it.”

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Until next time . . . I love you

Photo Credit: iran-tehran_ Trifecta Writing Challenge

Things That Got Flushed That Hadn’t Oughta!

Linda Vernon The Daily Routine , , , , , , ,

Toilet with flowers Linda Vernon Humor

I don’t mean to brag, but I have been using “the facilities” on my own now for over fifty years, and I know, firsthand, some crazy things that got flushed that hadn’t oughta.

Once, when I was four, my mother bought a batch of the most beautiful red apples you ever saw and displayed them on the table.  I asked for one, and my mother gave it to me.

I was an apple lover from the get go!

I took one bite and spit it out.

That’s because this apple was a deceitful type of apple, the kind that looks like it’s going to be delicious but, instead, tastes like dry, sandy-mush.

A couple of days later, I must have forgotten how horrible the apple tasted because I asked my mother for another one.  And she agreed, but only if I promised I wouldn’t take just one bite and spit it out. Who me?  Heavens no! Mother! Please! Don’t be ridiculous! She handed me an apple.

I took one bite and spit it out.

Even Eve didn’t have so much trouble with an apple.

Later in the week, I happened to walk by the beautiful red apples that were still sitting on the table (now we know why) and asked for another one. My mother wisely said no because there wasn’t any questions in her mind, by now, what I was going to do.

Well for some reason, I was set on it.  I began begging dramatically.  “Please Mother! Please!  I won’t spit it out! For the love of God,  I beg of you! I must have an apple if I am ever going to thrive!”

My mother acquiesced, handed me yet another apple along with a stern warning that she better not find this one in the garbage with one bite out of it; then left.

I took one bite and spit it out.

Ok, now I had a big problem on my hands.  Where to dispose of a big, beautiful red, sandy-mushy apple with one bite out of it.  I had to think, think! And quickly before my mother discovered the truth!

I made an emergency executive decision to flush it. So I went into the bathroom, looked both ways, threw the apple with one bite out of it into the toilet and pushed down the handle.

I was amazed when it actually went down!  Fabulous!  I dusted off my four-year-old hands and resumed playing.

Later that day I happened to walk by the bathroom just as my father was lifting the entire toilet, itself, off the floor.  I was flabbergasted!  I had no idea it would “do that!”

I still hadn’t put two and two together until I saw him reach his hand down the pipe and pull out a big beautiful red apple with one bite out of it.

Uh oh . . .

Shame quickly set it.  I couldn’t have felt worse if I would have gunned down Santa. But that’s another story for another day.

Suffice it to say, I’ve been privy to lots of things that got flushed that hadn’t outta — but it all started with that beautiful red apple with one bit out of it.

Until next time . . . I love you

Trifecta Weekend Writing Challenge: Just Three Measly Words

Linda Vernon Trifecta Writing Challenges , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s time once again for the always challenging and super fun Weekend Trifecta Writing challenge.  Here’s the challenge:

“Robert Frost one said,

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”  

We want you to do the same.  Sum up anything you want, but do it in three words.  Your response should mirror Frost’s quote by beginning, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about–.”  And the last four words are yours to choose.”


In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about schizophrenia: just be yourselves.

“Yay! I get to be myself today!”
“No I got to be myself yesterday. It’s my turn to be myself today.”

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Until next time . . . I love you