Your Comprehensive Guide to Fake Laughing

If behavioral scientists haven’t concluded that one’s personal success in life is directly linked to one’s ability to fake laugh, they should.

While I don’t pretend to call myself a behavioral scientist (except at high school reunions), I must admit that I am a rather poor joke teller and consequently have been on the receiving end of many a fake laugh.

Recognizing  Fake Laughter a Mile Away

As a result, I have come to know simulated laughter as well as I have come to know the back of my hand or the bottom of my foot (thought not quite as much).

For your fake laughing convenience, I have compiled a list of the different types of fake laughs that you might want to consider incorporating into your public persona.

 The Machine Gun Kelly Ann

This phony guffaw requires the laugher attempt a series of short, rapid-fire vocal releases pitched well above middle C — but not so high as to break an eardrum, glassware or into a sweat. This particular form of fake laughing has been elevated to an art form by the girlfriends of both Hugh Hefner and Donald Trump which would explain why Hugh Hefner is deaf and Donald Trump wishes he was.
 Machine Gun Kelly Ann
Machine Gun Kelly Ann

The Waiting to Exhale

This is one of the more popular fake laughs as it is easily performed without having to come to a full smile. The laugher simply inhales a huge breath and slowly releases it while making the sound of an excited chimpanzee. Volume is used as a sliding scale of appreciation, but volume is a matter of feel and cannot really be taught. You’ll just have to play around with it on people who aren’t very funny until you get the hang of it.

Fake Laugher attempting the tricky "Waiting to Exhale"

Fake Laugher attempting the tricky “Waiting to Exhale”

The Sound of Silence

 This is basically just the act of pantomiming laughter and is the most relaxing of all the fake laughs because you don’t have to come up with any noises (wheezing is optional). But in order to be convincing, it’s a good idea to bare all the teeth while slightly shaking the shoulders. Be sure to place one or both hands on the abdomen. This laugh is highly recommended for burning off cheesecake.
Fake laughing and burning off cheesecake!
Fake laugher laughing  AND burning off cheesecake!
 The That’s Hilarious!
 This laugh is reserved for the truly lazy among us who have no discernible sense of humor. All that is required is a deadpan expression while saying the words “that’s hilarious.” This is the most economical of fake laughs as it requires the least amount of energy. It is especially prized by those who haven’t listened to a work you just said.
"That's Hilarious!"
“That’s Hilarious!”

The Combination 

This should be reserved for people who you would dearly love to please, such as your neighborhood used car salesman or the Pope. Once you are told why the chicken crossed the road, you should be ready with a Machine-Gun-Kelly-Ann-  followed by a Sound- of- Silence Chuckler and winding up with a “That’s Hilarious” thrown in at the end. If that doesn’t get you into the Pearly Gates, well . . . how would you feel about 10 percent below Blue Book?

 "How would you feel about 10% off Blue Book my son?"

“How would you feel about 10% off Blue Book my son?”
Until next time . . . I love you

One thought on “Your Comprehensive Guide to Fake Laughing

  1. I’m so glad you added in the “that’s hilarious” because just today someone did that “fake laugh” to me!!!

    This post is hilaaaaaarious. :I

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