Hello Dear Readers! Gosh it’s a beautiful day. Okay let’s talk about death now.
Here’s something that came in the mail today from the Trident Society:
Apparently the Trident Society isn’t really a Society at all. It’s just a nice way of saying we’re a company that turns a profit cremating dead people. I don’t think there’s regular meetings or anything. It’s simply that they are asking for dibs on cremating you after you die, but they want you to pay them for it right now.
Apparently there are lots and lots and lots of wonderful reasons why you need to pre-purchase your funeral pyre. Let’s take a closer look at what they are, shall we?
The first reason for being cremated is convenience.
If you pay for your cremation now, perhaps when you die, one of your family members (whoever gets the shortest straw) can simply go to a Trident Society drive-thru window, pick up your ashes and set you on the book shelf until the next family reunion — where you will be lovingly lugged along and incorporated into the prayer before the potluck lunch is served. Upside: It’s convenient as all get out. Downside: Alive or dead, you’ll have to attend the next family reunion.
Cremation is much less expensive and has less impact on the environment!
Now how can anybody say no to cheap and easy? It’s cheap AND it’s better for the environment. Downside: You had to pay for it yourself. Upside: Hey!! Lookee you! You’re recyclable!
It allows families to provide a dignified resting place to memorialize their loved one.
What is the Trident Society trying to imply? Are they trying to imply that your current plan — to give great, great grandaddy, Trevor, the ol’ heave ho on your next Carnival Cruise — isn’t a dignified enough resting place? Upside: Oh yeah! Downside: Just watch you!
And finally, Dear Readers, if the above reasons aren’t enough to convince you that you need to pre-purchase your cremation, Trident Society is pulling out all the stops by allowing you to enter for a chance to WIN a FREE CREMATION!
Sufferin’ Succotash! Look how happy everybody is in the picture! Well, there’s nothing like winning a FREE CREMATION to make everyone want to play a rousing game of Ring Around the Rosy!
Until next time . . . I love you
7 thoughts on “Baby Boomer Junk Mail”
Great post! Love it.
I want to be Ice Cremated, with a whip cream halo.
Now you’re talkin’!!!
I fill their pre-paid return mail envelopes with dirt and shreds of paper and grass and any crap on hand and mail it to them. I LOVE THEIR PREPAID MAILERS. I love sending them a load of cr@p. They earned it with their zero brain campaign.
What? They have prepaid mailers! Oh boy. You’ve opened up a whole new world of junk mail possibilities!!
“Hello Dear Readers! Gosh it’s a beautiful day. Okay let’s talk about death now… ” 😂😂😂
You’re killin’ me, you have urned my loyalty, and I’m laughing my ashes off– thanks for making me feel so– so alive!! 😂😂😂