Thrift Store Finds

Score One for Massaged Gums!

Linda Vernon Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers!  I am delighted to report that  the other day, while I was milling around the thrift store, I came across this wonderful 1943 ad for Ipana Tooth Paste.   

It was so endearing, so inspiring, so downright uplifting that I just had share it with you! 

Traction Splint 1943

It seems feisty, first-aid, heroine, Kay Hunt was feeling pretty darn good about herself with her ability to whip up a traction splint as easily as she whipped up that batch of fudge last night —  just as she did every night . . . all alone . . .  with no one to talk to but her radio.

But in some sort of weird world war II gratitude, Kay Hunts’ traction-splint victim pointed out that she noticed — while Kay Hunt was taking two and a half hours to figure out how to tie a traction splint — that Kay Hunt didn’t brush her teeth  before leaving the house.

She even went so far as to tell Kay Hunt her dingy smile and pink toothbrush are the reason Kay Hunt couldn’t get a date — even though Kay has a perfect figure and looks like a movie star (but of course she didn’t say that last part out loud.)

Now instead of getting mad and wrapping that traction splint around her victim’s catty little neck, our once feisty first-aid,  heroine, Kay Hunt, became  instantly inconsolable.

Luckily, Kate’s friend who was wearing a military uniform — thus making her superior in intelligence, common sense, and personal hygiene — attempted to comfort Kay Hunt by pouring large quantities of salt in her wound and agreeing that Kay really did need to brush her teeth at least as good as  grade school children do and that nowadays the foods you eat won’t brush your teeth for you, which apparently used to be the case  prior to World War II.

Enter Creepy Dentist and Ipana Toothpaste

Kay Hunt star of 1943 toothpast Ad

So the next day our heroine Kay Hunt went to visit her oddly, creepy dentist who stood in such a way as to keep his distance from Kay lest he get a whiff of the air emanating from Kay’s . . . how to put this . . .  dingy smile.

He explained to Kay (from across the room) that in order to get a date Kay will have to massage her gums with Ipana Toothpaste in order to stimulate them!  Who knew? (Certainly not Kay!)

And boy did Kay feel sheepish having to be told this by her creepy dentist!  But sure enough Kay went right home and massaged her gums ad nuaseum!

The next thing you know,  our feisty, first-aid heroine, Kay Hunt’s gums were so very, very massaged that she became a huge hit with the all branches of the armed services.

“I can thank this new-found smile of mine for winning me a military escort and a naval convoy!”  gushed our feisty, first-aid heroine, Kay Hunt.

And that, Dear Readers is  how our feisty, first-aid, world war II heroine, Kay Hunt, became a very, very busy girl for the rest of World War II.

Until next time . . . I love you

Album Covers from the Past

Linda Vernon Thrift Store Finds , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers!  I thought it would be fun for us to take a nostalgic look back at a more simple time courtesy of Album Covers from the Past!

Remember Tammy Faye Bakker?

Tammy Faye Bakker If it had not been
We will always remember our beloved Tammy Faye Bakker, the face that launched a thousand gallons of Cover Girl

Besides her penchant for industrial strength makeup, she also had an industrial strength love for the Lord.

Back in 1980, Tammy Faye was married to Jim Bakker, a once popular televangelist who was catapulted from grace when he got caught dating prostitutes and borrowing several million dollars from the church collection plate and accidentally forgetting to pay it back — resulting in an extended stay at Motel Prison.

Let’s run over to Google and type in Tammy Faye Bakker Quotes just to see what comes up, shall we?  Oh here’s some good ones:

“You can educate yourself right out of a relationship with god.” 

“I wake up every morning and wish I was dead and so does Jim.”

It seems Tammy Faye Bakker’s fondest wish to become dead finally came true on July 20, 2007 when she succumbed to lip-liner poisoning.  (Her husband is still alive but is expected to die at some point in the future, God willing!)

Now here’s three jolly souls who are absolutely determined to squeeze every quark of joy there is to be squeezed from the Greek cobblestones of life itself!  

Syrtaki 1 Instrumental

The back of this album cover tells us:

“Syrtaki touches everybody’s heart because from the melancholy evolves the joy and from the desperation comes the rapture of this man, who suddenly jumps to his feet.”  

Well, apparently in Greece there’s nothing like melancholy and desperation to  make a man don a sash,  jump to his feet and Dance! Dance! Dance!   OMICRON PI ALPHA!!

 

Here’s a colorful 1973 album of Mexican Folklore that sings and dances its way through  every Mexican historical event since creation.  

Ballet Folk Lore of Mexico
Ballet Folklorico De Mexico loosely translated means Ballet of Mexican Folklore. Tightly translated it means BalletFolkloricoDeMexico

Your feet will be tap tap tappin’ when you hear the musical interpretations of that pesky plumed serpent Quetzacoatl as he steals  bones from the underworld to create a little thing he likes to call mankind ha ha — to  the Mexican Revolution of 1910 (wa wa waaaa) and every single thing that happened in Mexico in between!

Mexican FolK Dancers
And one and two and three and four . . . Quetzalcoatl stole some bones to create us, doo dah doo dah . . .The revolution of 1910 was not much fun . . . all the doo dah day!

And there you have it, Dear Readers, a nostalgic look back at a more simply time courtesy of Album Covers from the Past!

Until next time . . . I love you

More Bizarre Post Card Captions

Linda Vernon Thrift Store Finds , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers!  Here’s some more very bizarre post cards I found at the thrift store that were just crying out for captions!

Hell on wheels

the Butcher, the backer the candlestick maker

Horse rearing

Dweeben Dorken

cart people

Dutch

Well that’s all there is for today, but stay tune for more bizarre post card captions just as soon as I find some more bizarre post cards!

Until next time . . . I love you

Your 1977 Guide to Over-Handling Food

Linda Vernon Edible Tales, Thrift Store Finds , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers!  I thought it might be fun to take a look at the way food was prepared back in 1977, a year where absolutely nothing happened and there wasn’t anything to do but play around with  food.

Join me now, won’t you?  As we infiltrate the space/time continuum by whizzing back to 1977 via the pages of McCall’s Cook School!

It's not just a magazine it's a school!
It’s not just a magazine it’s a school for cooking!

First up is this delightful Golden Seafood Platter:

Great pains have been taken to arrange this seafood platter in a delectable manner.
Could it be arranged in a more delectable manner?

To the untrained eye, this seafood platter might appear unimaginative, but to McCall’s cooking school graduates this is a study of  perpendicular proportions!

For you see, each piece of fish has been magnetically lined up with true north using a cooking compass/thermometer.  And each shrimp has been carefully hand-placed to align with Orion’s Belt after Orion had to let it out a couple notches due to eating too much seafood.

Then there’s this well-groomed platter of chicken and potatoes!

Counter clockwise never looked to delicious!
Counter clockwise never looked so delicious!

To get this random look just right, McCall’s Cooking School dictates that one must first arrange the chicken in a counter-clockwise direction and then walk across the room and toss the potatoes onto the plate one at a time which is the secret to giving any dish that coveted un-fussed with appeal that McCall’s Cooking School is trying their darnedest to get the hang of.

Blanquette De Veau and You!

Think in terms of French Navy when arranging this dish.
Think in terms of French Navy when arranging this dish.

Leave it to McCall’s Cooking School to find an educational way to bring together the French Navy, The Middle Ages and veal!  As you can see, the miniature carrots have been arranged in the exact formation as the cannons on French war ships during the battle of   . . . everybody say it together — The Siege of La Rochelle!

As you can also see, the mushrooms have been mathematically placed exactly where they would have landed had they actually been shot out of the carrot cannons –which could account for why the French lost the battle of –everybody say it together — The Siege of La Rochelle!

McCall’s Cooking School Says this is the Standard Dish That Belongs in Every Good Cook’s Repertoire

Chicken Leg Parsley Exultation
Chicken Leg Parsley Exultation

If there’s one thing McCall’s Cooking School is big on it’s that it doesn’t really matter how food actually tastes as much as it does how well food stays together without getting out the glue gun.

In that vein,  they present to us their PhD of food arrangement:   Chicken Leg Parsley Exultation de Biscuit. Because in the year 1977,  if a dish wasn’t a shrine to something; it really wasn’t anything at all.

And there you have it Dear Reader!  Thank you for agreeing to  infiltrate the space/time continuum by whizzing back to 1977 via the pages of McCall’s Cook School!  It probably wouldn’t hurt to go comb your hair a little bit.

Until next time. . . I love you

Limericks Based on Ads from 1953

Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry, The Daily Routine, Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers!  Well another week has rolled more or less away, and as we slide into Friday on this last day of November, we have to ask ourselves what was going on with ads from 1953?  (See how I did that great segue way?  Who says things don’t get done right on Friday.)

Here are some ads from a magazine called Better Living from 1953 that for some reason, my brain, Peanuts, insisted on boiling down into limericks.

img584

There once was a product named Kleenex

That met you half-way when you sneezed next

Little LuLu and Godfrey

Got paid by the wad, see?

To get Father some money for Xanax.

img584 (2)

When poor fifties Mom must relax

After featherdust-wacking does tax

She chews Beechnut Gum

But it makes her feel glum

What she needed was Father’s Xan-ax!

img585

There once was a little food dude

Who claimed Wilson’s B-V was a food

It subtracted from rents

Just one point five cents

But to like it, you had to be stewed.

img586

There once was a man who wore lipstick

People thought him the consummate dipstick

He drank coffee that sounded

Like a law firm compounded

So his wife mixed his cream with some arsenic 

And there you have it, Dear Reader, the first installment and quite possibly the last installment of Limericks Base on Ads from 1953.

Until next time . . . I love you

Bizarre Postcard Captions

Linda Vernon Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers!  It’s time for Bizarre Postcard Captions.

Well, that about does it for Bizarre Postcard Captions for today!

Until next time . . . I love you

More 1967 Italy Food Recipes from Ruth Conrad Bateman

Linda Vernon Edible Tales, Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , ,
This 1967 recipe booklet features recipes by Italy Expert, Ruth Conrad Bateman.

Dear Readers. Back in 1967, the reigning queen when it came to Italy Food was this woman.

Ruth loves to cook Italy food but don’t bother Ruth when she is cooking Italy food or talking about cooking Italy food. Can’t you see she’s trying to concentrate?  Ruth is an expert on Italy food. Ruth looked Italy up in a World Atlas. Did you know Italy is shaped like a boot? Ha! Ruth Conrad Bateman didn’t think so.

Now this isn’t the first time this blog has fallen all over itself pointing out the Italy food cooking expertise of Ruth Conrad Bateman, but, obviously,  this blog just can’t get enough of Ruth Conrad Bateman! And who could?

Let’s look a little closer at Ruth’s deep understanding of a country you may or may not have heard of before called Italy.  Here is just a smattering of Ruth Conrad Bateman’s Italy food wisdom. Ruth says:

Good advice, Ruth Conrad Bateman.  So allow this blog to summarize Ruth’s wonderful advice, if it may be so bold:

  • When Italy people get sauced, they want more pasta than sauce, and they like their pasta dressed in butter and cheese.
  • When American people get sauced, they want more sauce than pasta and they don’t care what it’s wearing.

Next here’s Ruth Conrad Bateman’s explanation for how Italy people cook eggplant the Italy way like Italy people do.

Good advice again, Ruth Conrad Bateman! (How does she do it?)  So allow this blog to summarize Ruth’s wonderful advice for broiling  Italy Egg Plant, the Italy way, if it may be so bold:

  • Broil some eggplant

And finally, Ruth Conrad Bateman sets us straight about Italy Meat Sauce Bolognese:

Ruth Conrad Bateman says this Italy sauce is for cannelloni, spaghetti and other pasta. What other pasta?  Ruth Conrad Bateman says if she is granted an audience with the pope who actually lives in Italy and if he gives her a special dispensation to disclose the other pasta  . . then maybe she’ll tell us what it is but don’t  get your hopes up because Ruth Conrad Bateman is kind of a little brat especially about Italy stuff.

Ruth tells us that this recipe for Meat Sauce Bolognese is made of Italy Bologna in the town of Bologna which is the Eating Capital of Italy. This blog doesn’t even have to look at Ruth Bateman’s recipe for Meat Sauce Bolognese in order to summarize it:

  • Even though this Italy recipe is full of Italy balogna
  • It will never be as full of Italy balogna as the weird and wonderful Italy Food Expert Ruth Conrad Bateman!

Uh oh . . . is it this blog’s imagination or is Ruth Conrad Bateman giving us the  Italy evil eye?

Is this the Italy Evil Eye of Ruth Conrad Bateman?

Uh . . . this might be a good time to bid you Salve! Dear Readers — which is Italy talk for “bye”.

Now  . . slowly . . . very slowly . . . let’s just . . . back out . . .  of . . . the . . . . room . . . shh . . .

Until next time . . . I love you.

How to Calm Your Nerves and Relax

Linda Vernon 1950's, Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , , ,

Dear Readers!  As Lucy Ricardo might ask, “Are you tired, run down, listless?  Do you poop out at parties?  Are you unpopular?  The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle book that I just happened find while rummaging around in my favorite thrift store:

For faster results, read while drinking one bottle of vitameatavegamin

This little volume was edited by the staff of Journal of Living in 1952 about the same time that Lucy  Ricardo was pitching for Vitameatavegamin.  Let’s take a look inside to see what 1950’s wisdom awaits us, shall we?

In chapter one, writer, Betty Pratt, tells us about her visit to  Dr. Rathbone’s Scientific Relaxation Class!

Obviously, brave writer, Betty Pratt had no idea she was taking her life into her own hands by entering into the fray of Dr. Rathbone’s Scientific Relaxation Class.  All this tautness relieving in the form of face screwing and arm swinging was probably downright dangerous!

Next, Dr. Rathbone relayed to Betty Pratt his rules for sleeping.

Dr. Rathbone told Betty Pratt he would like people to start getting ready for bed right after breakfast, but if that is not possible then somewhere in the  neighborhood of 10:00 a.m. should give the sleeper plenty of time to leisurely prepare for going to bed, Dr. Rathbone stated after looking at his watch and noting the time to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 10:00 a.m.

Dr. Rathbone could not stress enough to writer, Betty Pratt, what a big mistake tearing off one’s clothes is under most circumstances.  If, however, a person happened to be a romance writer doing research then it would be considered a perfectly reasonable approach. He then asked Betty Pratt if she was planning to write a romance novel any time soon to which Betty Pratt responded by soundly slapping Dr. Rathbone’s face .

Dr. Rathbone responded to Writer Betty Pratt’s slap to his face with the following bit of advice:

Shortly after this Betty Pratt’s husband, Brawny Pratt, showed up to calm and relax Dr. Rathbone’s nerves by physically persuading him into a coma.

Which is really is the most effective way to calm one’s nerves and relax.

And don’t worry.  All Dr. Rathbone needed was a couple of bottles of Vitameatavegamin and he was  back to his old self in no time.  Attempting to scientifically calm and relax women’s people’s nerves day in and day out!

Until next time . . . I love you

Vintage Foods from Nineteen ThirtyGore

Linda Vernon Edible Tales, Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers.  On this blog’s never-ending quest to uncover some of the most unappetizing foods ever trotted out in front of the human race, I am pleased to share my latest findings in the form of:

This cookbook from 1934:

Here’s Mary Hale Martin, herself, smiling enigmatically:

Hold onto your salt shakers! She looks so familiar!
the Mona Lisa
Oh I knew I’d seen her somewhere before!

Anyway, let’s take a little journey back in time to marvel at what people actually put in their mouths in 1934 or as it is sometimes referred to by Food Historians, 193gore:

Baked Spinach 193gore Style!

1934 baked spinach
Here’s a hearty main dish of warmed-over canned spinach but not just ordinary warmed-over canned spinach. This is the Leonardo da vinci version of warmed-over canned spinach because it calls for a “speck” of nutmeg. Which in 193gore made it totally gourmet.

In case you’re wondering how to measure a speck, I have it on good authority that you simply show the can of Nutmeg to the spinach and then put it back in the cupboard.

(And I don’t have any idea what Mary’s rich white sauce was but since it was concocted during the Great Depression, I have a feeling it wasn’t all that rich.)

In the mood for a little 193gore Salmon Pie?

1934 Salmon Pie
Here’s something Mary concocted especially for you! What’s that? You aren’t hungry because you feel like you might be coming down with the Black Plague? In fact, you hope and pray you are coming down with the Black Plague to get out of  tasting Mary’s canned salmon pie? Shame on you!

Recipe for 1934 Salmon Pie

See there’s nothing in it that will hurt you.  No need to be frightened.  But if you look closely you will see that Mary has finally come to fiscal terms with the white sauce and has downgraded it from rich white sauce to thick white sauce.  Which is why Mary comes across as someone we can trust — even if she does smile like The Mona Lisa.

And now for the Ultimate 193gore Treat:  Luncheon Tongue Sandwich!

Tongue for lunch
Oh you would have to choose today NOT to get the Black Plague wouldn’t you? The very day Mary has decided to serve you one of her famous Luncheon Tongue Sandwiches! Well, don’t worry there’s an ice-cold glass of syrup of ipecac to wash it down with (temporarily anyway).

Luncheon Tongue Sandwich

That Mary does it again! She has cleverly stuck one can of Libby’s lunch tongue in between an entire loaf of rye bread, 12 pieces of bacon and three tomatoes. Then peppered it with pickles and even went so far as to throw in a very exotic 193gore ingredient called Lettuce!   And all to keep that luncheon tongue from wagging!

Plus Mary has wisely chosen not to mention which animal’s mouth the tongue originally occupied.

Ah!  So that explains the enigmatic smile!

Until next time. . . I love you

I Am Dumb

Linda Vernon Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , ,

Sometimes I guess I’m a little bit . . . oh what’s the word I’m looking for, oh yeah — dumb.

I’ve had my horse, Joey, at his new stables for almost six month which means I’ve been to the horse supply store in that neighborhood numerous times.

Joey’s always borrowing my clothes.

Well, guess what I never even noticed was right next door?

An Antique Mall! (Which is code for overpriced thrift store, but still!)  All this time, I could have been exploring their old books and magazines!  Which just goes to show you that sometimes it pays to look right and left.

Anyway, I’m taking the day off from the blog today.  I’m not going to write a post as much as I’m just going to sit here and leisurely browse through an old Saturday Evening Post from 1969 that I picked up yesterday at my newly discovered Antique Mall.

Here’s a car very much like the kind my mother always drove.  They were roughly the size of three football fields. My mother owned many used cars in her life.  But she was very discriminating in that she seemed to only want to buy the ones that had holes in the mufflers.  You could always hear my mother coming a mile away.  She would have made a horrible spy.

Tricky Dick and the Fam

This was in an article entitled:  The Enigma of President Nixon.  I think the enigma is — how did Richard Nixon ever end up with such a nice family? 

 It says:  ” . . . Don’t you think I’ve thought of that–I’d fire them in a minute only the severance pay would wipe me out.” 

Gads people were unhealthy looking then!  I wonder if it had anything to do with the cigarettes and alcohol?  Maybe this was taken during the Great Lettuce Shortage of 1969.

Oh this is interesting.  He’s so busy remembering things he completely forgot to flick his ashes. 

Okay, I had to put my two-cents worth in on that one.

This man not only makes a living writing short paragraphs, he is the human living embodiment of a short paragraph!  Which I guess just goes to show you that God always gets it right!

Well, that was a fun day off from the blog wasn’t it Dear Readers?  Here’s a sneak peek of what we’ll be leisurely browsing through on our next day off:

Don’t ya just love that hole in his pants!

Until next time . . . I love you

The Casserole People of 1965

Linda Vernon Edible Tales, Thrift Store Finds , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers!

Today we are going to explore the past via the magic of the pictures in  “The Casserole Cookbook .”  Let’s peek in on the perfect cartoon people of 1965 who populated cookbooks thousands and thousands of minutes ago.

Meet the Perfects of 1965. 

There’s Father, Ken (smoking the pipe), and Mother, Kendra, (wearing the dress) and their children, Fine Young Lad, Kenny, and Girl the Size of a Newborn Baby with Abilities and Hair Far Beyond Her Years who goes by the name of. . . uh . . . oh, who cares what her name is, she’s a girl!

Oh, and there’s also their dog whose name is Spot (in accordance with the United States Government Bulletin Regarding Spotted Dog Names as mandated by item 14.4.3; pages 427.)

And then, of course, we can’t forget the Perfect’s two anti-gravity fish (both named Wanda) who are floating in the air above their heads just in case the Perfects get hungry . . . for fish.

The Perfects are watching a live television broadcast called The Casserole Cookbook Show.

At first glance, you would think they were overly interested in The Casserole Cookbook Show, But you see, the Perfects know they live inside of The Casserole Cookbook.  So it’s kind of like when our astronauts went to the moon and sent back images of earth.

Guess what kind of casserole Kendra Perfect is planning to serve her husband, Ken, her Fine Lad, Kenny and her weird little girl, what’s her name?

If you guessed Roller Coaster Casserole you are not only right; you’re extremely lucky when it comes to guessing.

As you can see, Father Ken has changed into his tuxedo and grown a mustache in order to truly appreciate the subtle flavors of the Roller Coaster Casserole.

And Fine Lad, Kenny, has a huge smile on his face despite the fact that he was born with an inability to cross his legs.

And look!  The Perfects have even gone to the trouble stacking up some government bulletins for weird little what’s her name to sit on so she can reach her fork!

And of course they are all raising their hands in the Roller Coaster Casserole Salute as Mother Kendra steps out from within the pages of their home planet to present her Perfect family with a Perfect Meal. 

And lest we forget, their two fish (the Wandas) are still floating in the air above their heads only now they have been inserted into boxes and gift wrapped and marked with a big letter L!  Why?

Because even the Perfect’s anti-gravity fish know that Roller Coaster Casserole is Lummy in Your Tummy!

Well, Dear Readers, this is probably a good time to bid adieu to the Perfects and let them enjoy their meal in peace by gently closing The Casserole Cookbook and allowing the them to just be perfect!
Until next time . . . I love you.

A Glimpse into the Food Lives of People From the Past

Linda Vernon 1950's, Edible Tales, Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , , ,

Dear Readers!  What fruitful weekend I had at the Thrift Store.  I was lucky enough to find this Heinz Ketchup cookbook from 1957!

You see, back in 1957, before life was unnecessarily complicated with Twitter, Facebook and the radio alarm clock, people would stay home and cook dishes that required a lot of Heinz Ketchup.

Let’s take a peek inside the pages of these 1957 Heinz Ketchup Prize winning recipes and see if we can get a glimpse into the food lives of people from the past:

 

It’s Red Magic! Hey wait a minute! In 1957, during the height of the cold war against communism, it seems a little odd that Heinz Ketchup would bill their product by saying “It’s Red Magic.”

And the fact that Mother seems to be flirting with a gigantic tomato man wearing a manacle isn’t helping Heinz Ketchup’s credibility either . . .  oh well let’s just keep moving.

 

Okay, here we have Mother cooking with what looks like a radio-active bottle of Heinz Ketchup. But there’s probably a simple explanation.

Mother’s husband, Father, is probably a Nuclear Physicist who sometimes brings home radioactive isotopes from the office to put in the Ketchup bottle to freak Mother out!

That Father always with the pranks!  (Too bad Mother didn’t even notice!)

 

The only explanation for what Mother is doing here is that Father told Mother to take a long walk on a short pier.

Ha! That Father!  Which Mother did, of course, and while she was at it decided to do a little fishing.

Of course, as you can see the radioactive isotope has caused the Heinz Ketchup bottle to fuse permanently to Mother’s hand.  Father. Could. Not. Stop. Laughing.

 

Here are Mother and Father’s children, Boy and Girl. They are eating minced ham and bean sandwiches that Father made for them.

Oh that wacky Father!  He made both Boy and Girl  these Ketchup bean sandwiches and is now hiding behind the Frigidaire spying on them as they try to eat their Ketchup bean sandwiches.

Right about now Father is probably thinking about how he should see if Milton Berle needs any more comedy writers!

 

Hey who’s this?  Why it’s New Mother, of course.  Old Mother had a drowning accident when she was unable to paddle to safety after falling off a short pier due to the Ketchup bottle being fused to her hand. 

But that’s okay because Father found and married New Mother later that day!  And New Mother has just cooked Father a tasty dish of  Green Beans with Ketchup!

Little does New Mother know that Father has just stuck two radioactive isotopes into the casserole dish she’s holding and Father can’t wait to see the look on New Mother’s face when she tries to set the dish down but finds that it’s fused to her hands!

Unfortunately Father didn’t get to see the look on New Mother’s face because just then the phone rang and Father ran to answer it because  — who knows — it might have been that all important call from Uncle Milty!

“I need a new comedy writer. Find out if Father’s available.”

And there you have it, Dear Readers, a glimpse into the food lives of people from the past.

Until next time . . . I love you

Amy Vanderbilt’s Very Special Student

Linda Vernon Our Beloved Al, Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dear Readers, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Dudes and Dudettes, Babes and Babies, Presidents and Prime Ministers:

It’s time for us to say goodbye to awkward moments!  Turn our backs on social faux pas and bid adieu to obnoxious behavior.  For I have managed to procure for us, Dear Readers, the answers to all our problems:

Amy Vanderbilt’s  Complete Book of Etiquette!

Let’s flip through some pages . . . Ah here we go!

A Guide to Tactful Conversation!

Amy says:

“In greeting people we say, “how do you do?” we do not really expect an answer, but it is all right to reply, “Very well, thank you,” even if it is a blue Monday and you feel far from well.”  No one wants a clinical discussion in response to this purely rhetorical question.”

Amy will illustrate what she means by doing a little role playing with a Typical Person.

Amy:  How do you do?

Typical Person:  Does your stomach stick out like that because your preggers or are you just fat?

Amy says sorry but it is never polite to answer a question with a question. Amy says try again:

Amy:  How do you do?

Typical Person:  That depends . . . is that mildew smell coming from me or you?

Amy says this is better, but this reply is still in the form of a question. Amy says try again:

Amy:  How do you do?

Typical Person:  Who wants to know Funyun breath?

Amy says this reply is trending towards tactful but is not quite there yet. (She also says this typical person reminds her of someone but she can’t think who.)  Amy says try again.

Amy says:  How do you do?

Typical Person:  I like Funyuns.

Yes!  Very good!  Amy is so proud!!  Now Amy will move on to the next part of the tactful conversation lesson which covers not remembering names:

Amy says:

“If you are warmly greeted by someone whose name — or maybe whose face, too — you can’t recall say something harmless such as “nice to see you”.  Then while looking quite attentive, let the other person do the talking until he or she gives a clue as to identity.”

Amy:  Nice to see you.

Typical Person: You do not have a clue who I am, you are just pretending to look attentive but you have not been listening to a word I just said about the en-vi-RON-ment.

Amy says she likes this response because there are no contractions in it.  Amy says this person reminds her of someone but she still cannot think who. 

Amy:  You are looking well.

Typical Person:  It feels like we have been talking for one thousand, billion, million trillion hours.

Amy:  Al?  Al Gore?  Is that you?

Typical Person, Al:  Yes. Yes. Yes.  It is me Al Gore. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Amy:  Thanks for standing me up the other night! You have some nerve!

Typical person, Al:  Sorry I cannot do anything but stand up. Plus I was out of Funyuns.  Do you want to go to get some Funyuns with me?

Amy:  Of course Al!   You know, I cannot resist a man who does not use contractions!

Amy says that concludes our Guide to Tactful Conversation lesson one!  But Amy is sure she will be back real soon to teach us more etiquette because she just cannot help herself! 

Until next time . . . I love you

Funyuns. Funyuns. Funyuns. Yes. Yes. Yes.

The 1934 Flood of 1934

Linda Vernon Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hello Dear Readers!  I’ve been shopping my little heart out at the thrift store, and I simply couldn’t believe my luck when I stumbled across this fascinating 1934 Department of Agriculture, Bulletin 1731 about everybody’s favorite grain, Alfalfa! 

First of all, let me begin by saying that this precious bulletin has sustained serious water damage.  Meaning only one thing.  It was in the 1934 Flood of 1934.

By carefully perusing the pages, I was able to ascertain that the owners of  Bulletin 1731 were United States farmers, Ma and Pa Ludd and their little boy, Sheldon and, from what I can tell, they were lucky to escape the 1934 Flood of 1934 with nothing but the shirts on their backs, the pants on their legs and the hairs on their arms.

And yet, somehow this courageous family managed to float through the house and, by kicking their feet at precisely the right coordinates, managed to  rescue their most prized possession, Bulletin 1731.

This was not without a little bit of harm done to Ma Ludd.  Shortly thereafter , her heart started acting up again and Pa had to take her to the doctor in Dusty City.  Pa Ludd waited in the waiting room while Ma Ludd went in to have her heart checked out by Dr. Olcreepee.

“Doctor you’ve been listening now for an hour and a half? Is it still ticking?”
“I think it’s still ticking, but let me just double check again.”

Anyway from what I could glean from reading between the lines of Bulletin 1731, Dr. Olcreepee decided to do some X-rays so he could get a better handle on the situation with Ma.

“What does that look like to you, Nurse?’
“Bulletin 1731?”
“Precisely.”

It seems Ma had inadvertently swallowed Bulletin 1731 in the confusion of the 1934 Flood of 1934.  And of course, Dr. Olcreepee had no choice but to operate on Ma to removed Bulletin 1731 once and for all.

Shortly thereafter Ma Ludd and Bulletin 1731 were wheeled into the operating room but the only thing that was wheeled out —  still in tact — was Bulletin 1731.  It seems Ma had kicked the bucket as they liked to say in those days.

I know it’s a sad tale but there is some indication that Pa Ludd and Sheldon did get some money from the  “death by swallowing government bulletins” insurance policy that Pa Ludd had the wherewithal to take out on his entire family.

And they all went on to lead long and  happy lives.  Except for Ma who continued being dead.

And there you have it, Dear Reader, a glimpse into the rich history of Bulletin 1731 and the 1934 Flood of 1934.

Be sure and check back tomorrow when we will turn to the first page of Bulletin 1731 and read all about everybody’s favorite grain, alfalfa!

Until next time . . . I love you

The TV Guide World of 1967

Linda Vernon Thrift Store Finds , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Drop what you’re doing, Dear Readers, and come and look at what I found!  A TV Guide from 1967!  Let’s turn the pages quickly before it turns to dust!

The Front Cover

Who’s this maniacally happy man?  No it isn’t  Crazy Uncle Wally on a bender.  It’s Crazy Uncle Lawrence Welk on a bender!  And just who is Lawrence Welk?  Well maybe this will answer your question, Dear Readers:

The three faces of maniacally happy Larry Welk!

OK, maybe not.  Suffice it to say Lawrence Welk was an orchestra leader who had his own show back in the 60’s and 70’s who played a mean accordion and who was the apple of every eighty-year-old eye in America.  His show was sponsored by Geritol, an old-age elixir that kept his audience regular as well as alive week after week.

The 1967 TV Guide’s Back Cover

This 1967 ad tells us there are smokers and then there are SMOKERS! Smokers who don’t bother with smoking ordinary length cigarettes because it’s so inefficient!  Why smoke two short, stubby, ugly, unsophisticated cigarettes when you can get the all the carcinogens you need in one long, elegant cigarette thus indicating to the whole world that you are rich, baby, RICH!  Why be caught dead smoking anything else?

Now let’s take a look inside our TV Guide

“Hi!  I’m Barbara Bain from the TV show Mission Impossible striking odd poses in this Batik Dress.  I don’t know what a Batik dress is and I don’t  know why I have to strike poses in it,  but at least I’m getting paid extra . . . I hope!”
“OW! I just broke my ankle . . . happy?”

Here’s an ad featuring somebody you don’t want to mess with:

World famous hairdresser, John Garrison says: “Use any ordinary shampoo on hair color?  Not in my salon!”

“If I catch ladies in my salon using ordinary shampoo I will wrap that bottle around their necks and strangle them with it!”

OK . . .shh . . . John . . . calm down.  We are just going to back out the door very quietly with our hands up . . . no need to get excited. . . no harm done . . .

Let’s end on a happier note shall we?  Let’s check out this 1967 cheerful teen who has found a great way to earn 4 cents an hour!

“Hi! I’m a TV Guide young merchant and I’m  a complete tool!”

Well, Dear Reader, that’s all we have time for today because it  looks like our 1967 TV has turned to dust!  Oh well, I needed to vacuum anyway!

Until next time . . . I love you