In this 1956 government issued Bulletin No. 10, the government suggests 1956 Mom go about killing the lonely hours of her day by freezing some strawberries!
To that end, the government has transformed the simple task of placing some strawberries in the freezer into a complicated, time-consuming ordeal that is guaranteed to take 1956 Mom all day long!
Step One
First, 1956 Mom needs to wash the strawberries, then gently lift them out of the water where they will be ready for contemplation (as pictured).
To kill as many lonely hours as possible, the government is suggesting 1956 Mom contemplate the berries for two hours minimum — the same length of time she was instructed to contemplate her navel in the previously issued government Bulletin No. 9 entitled 1956 Moms and Their Navels.
Step Two:
1956 Mom now needs to remove the hulls from the berries which is easier said than done. 1956 Mom knows that she doesn’t exactly know what a strawberry hull is — which means a trip to the local library where she can study the anatomy of a strawberry and sketch it into her Things I Once Froze diary for future strawberry freezing reference.
Step Three
1956 Mom is happy to finally get to the high point of her day, the sprinkling of the sugar! Oh what fun she will have! But the fun doesn’t end there. She also gets to turn the strawberries over and over in the sugar for as long as her little arms will allow –giving nary a care to carpal tunnel syndrome — which, in 1956, hadn’t even been invented yet!
Step Four:
The next step is to pack the berries into a container. This step is self-explanatory. To find out more about things that are self-explanatory, 1956 Mom will have refer to previously issued government Bulletin No. 7 entitled The Government Explains Things That Are Self-Explanatory.
Step Five
Next 1956 Mom is going to need to press the lid on the container firmly making sure it’s on watertight — which means 1956 Mom will have to go to the garage, locate Father’s fishing gear, then find the nearest body of water in which to throw the container. Then quickly fish it out, open the lid and check carefully for wet strawberries. Phew! What 1956 Mom won’t do to kill the lonely hours of her day!
Step Six
Finally, 1956 Mom has made it to the very last step of her herculean strawberry freezing project. It was touch and go there for a couple of hours! But thanks to 1956 Mom’s perseverance, the only thing left to do now is label the containers with the name of the fruit (that’s easy . . . strawberries!) and the date she froze them. For this, 1956 Mom will carefully pen 1 9 5 6. Because if there’s one thing 1956 Mom knows, it’s her name!
Of course 1956 Mom might want to take a calligraphy class first to kill a few more hours of her lonely day — but that’s another government issued bulletin for another government issued day!
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
So…. what we are saying is that me slopping the strawberries from their little green plastic baskets into a Ziploc freezer bag, then hurling the whole thing into the back of the freezer is the wrong way to go about this?
Who knew I needed to massage and bathe my strawberries in a crud-ton of sugar?
I’ve been doing this so wrong for so long! Oh, the horror!
Thank goodness you are not a 1956 Mom, Erin. They would have probably burned you at the stake! 😀
Oh man, this was totally hilarious. You rule the school, LV!
Glad you liked it Melissa and thanks for taking the time to read it! 😀
Hi,
That was hilarious, you just have to love these handy little books from the powers that be. 😀
Oh I know Mags. Heavens how did anyone ever survive without them! Haha! 😀
My favorite line “The Government Explains Things That Are Self-Explanatory”. I think that sums up the reason the state of California is practically bankrupt.
Even if I had the time to prepare frozen strawberries for 6.4 hours, I’d probably still make a mess and somehow the strawberries would taste weird. I don’t think I’d do well in 1956.
I do remember those containers. My mom would make freezer raspberry jam and got those special containers. She also put some kind of wax coating on top so that makes me pretty sure that she was reading some type of government instructions. Boy that freezer raspberry jam was the absolute best I’ve ever eaten!
1956 Mom sure did work hard and don’t forget…. I’m sure she had her nice little dress on with apron and of course her high-heeled shoes..and while she is contemplating the berries she could vacuum or dust ….lol…Diane
Ha ha Diane! So true. In 1956 everything about life was cheery fun and Mom enjoyed doing her housework more than life itself AND the more complicated the better! LOL 😀
Aaah…reminds me of the time I was making strawberry jam with my boiling-water canner and slopped some on the floor, slipped on it, and nearly cracked my head open on the counter when attempting to stand up. 1956 Mom has got it going on!! 😉
LOL!!! Oh where’s a camcorder strapped to your head when you need one! I you sure you’re not Lucy Ricardo? Haha!
1956 Mom sure sounds smart. Her frozen strawbs are bound to be delish! I like how the first step reminds her to gently remove the strawberries. I could imagine her being rough and then looking down at all the mushed strawberries and crying.
Haha Lily! I’m sure that’s exactly what 1956 Mom would do! Or maybe she would throw them all away and pretend like it never happened! and then she’d cry!
Nothing like sugary fruit rolled in sugar!
And washed down with a large tumbler of sugar too!
hey kool-aid!
You’re right. And there’s nothing I love better than drinking the kool-aid!
Hahaha! Lily and I somehow always zero in on the same thing! I was also thinking how funny it was that she needed to be reminded to be gentle with the strawberries. 1956 mom is so lucky to have so much time on her hands. I guess it goes without saying but if I had more time, I’d surely be freezing lots of fruits. haha!
Haha! That is so funny that you and Lily thought were thinking of the same comment! I guess Lily inherited your brain waves! I love when that happens! Oh to have that much time! Sometimes I long to be bored! But I don’t think feeling bored is possible now days. Boredom has become extinct!
Yet another glaring example of government ineptitude.
Everyone knows berries should be washed, dried (minimum of two hours), sliced and sugared individually.
What is this doing it in bulk? It’s socialism!!!!
I wish you would run for president. You’ve just managed to pinpoint in one comment not only what is wrong with strawberries but also what is wrong with socialism . . .not enough sugar!!
My technique is this:
1. Buy frozen strawberries at supermarket
2. Race home
3. Put partially frozen strawberries in freezer
4. Check next day to make sure refreezing is complete
Of course, it’s 2012 and I’m enlightened… : P
Hahahaha! So true! Mark promise me that if you ever take a trip back to 1956 in a time machine and happen to run into 1956 mom, please don’t tell her what the future holds for the frozen strawberry. She’s walking on thin ice as it is! :b