Baby Boomer Junk Mail

Hello Dear Readers!  Gosh it’s a beautiful day.  Okay let’s talk about death now.

Here’s something that came in the mail today from the Trident Society:

Trident Society Linda Vernon Humor
The Trident Society wants dibs on your “vessel”

Apparently the Trident Society isn’t really a Society at all.  It’s just a nice way of saying we’re a company that turns a profit cremating dead people.  I don’t think there’s regular meetings or anything.  It’s simply that they are asking for dibs on cremating you after you die, but they want you to pay them for it right now.

Apparently there are lots and lots and lots of wonderful  reasons why you need to  pre-purchase your funeral pyre.  Let’s take a closer look at what they are, shall we?

Trident Society Commentary Linda Vernon Humor

The first reason for being cremated is convenience.

If you pay for your cremation now, perhaps when you die, one of your  family members (whoever gets the shortest straw) can simply go to a Trident Society drive-thru window, pick up your ashes and set you on the book shelf until the next family reunion — where you will be lovingly lugged along and incorporated into the prayer before the potluck lunch is served.  Upside:  It’s convenient as all get out.  Downside:  Alive or dead, you’ll have to attend the next family reunion.

Cremation is much less expensive and has less impact on the environment!

Now how can anybody say no to cheap and easy?  It’s cheap AND it’s better for the environment.  Downside:  You had to pay for it yourself. Upside:  Hey!! Lookee you!  You’re recyclable!

It allows families to provide a dignified resting place to memorialize their loved one. 

What is the Trident Society trying to imply?  Are they trying to  imply that your current plan — to give great, great grandaddy, Trevor, the ol’ heave ho on your next Carnival Cruise — isn’t a dignified enough resting place?  Upside:  Oh yeah!  Downside:  Just watch you!

And finally, Dear Readers, if the above reasons aren’t enough to convince you that you need to pre-purchase your cremation, Trident Society is pulling out all the stops by allowing you to enter for a chance to WIN a FREE CREMATION!

Win a free cremation! Linda Vernon Humor

Sufferin’ Succotash!  Look how happy everybody is in the picture!  Well, there’s nothing like winning a FREE CREMATION to make everyone want to play a rousing game of Ring Around the Rosy!

Until next time . . . I love you

33 thoughts on “Baby Boomer Junk Mail

  1. Wasn’t ring around the rosy about a plaque? I’m taken back to medieval Europe when people gathered to sing. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

    You sure get some strange mail!

    • My husband just turned 65 and since then, we’ve been getting all kinds of “so you’re going to die” junk mail! This was the weirdest one so far. I wonder if they realized they were showing a picture depicting Ring around the Rosy. I mean, it’s just one adult and the rest are children. It’s just super creepy.

    • Hah! No kidding 1 tric! I’m sure I’ll be getting all kinds of “so you’re going to die” junk mail because of this post . . . sigh . . . but it might be fun to make fun of, so I guess there is an upside! 😀

  2. Okay, first it it minty fresh, second, please no more family reunions! third, ahaha win a free cremation! i wouldn’t be alive to collect it?
    and 4th you should look up the meaning origin of the song “Ring around the Rosy” You’ll laugh at how it so ties in with the topic of your post! xo

  3. I love your lead off line….told my husband about this crazy creative lady and her first line….we both got a good laugh….’okay let’s talk about death’… love it….Diane

  4. I know it’s wrong but I just loved this opening line: Hello Dear Readers! Gosh it’s a beautiful day. Okay let’s talk about death now.


    Also loved this part: Downside: Alive or dead, you’ll have to attend the next family reunion.

    Thanks for the laughs, as always! 🙂

  5. How ironic that the family is happily playing ring around the roses after winning a free cremation. During the bubonic plague all creations were free. How times have changed!

    • Hahahaha! Yes indeed! I have a feeling the copywriters who wrote this advertisement didn’t realize they portraying ring around the rosy. If they did it on purpose it’s really creepy. (It’s kind of creepy anyway I guess.)

  6. LOL! You had me at, “Gosh it’s a beautiful day. Okay, let’s talk about death now.” haha! Linda this was hysterical!! I like the upside – “It’s convenient as all get out.” (Easy for everyone to understand) and the down side “Alive or dead you’ll have to attend the next family reunion.” LOL!
    Guapo and I decided you’re the funniest person on wordpress and very likely, the whole darn internet – that’s domestic and international internetting – just so you know. 😉

    PS – I just entered you, me, and Guapo in the free cremation drawing! Fingers crossed!! Maybe one of us will be recyclable one day!!

    • Funniest person on the internet! OMG!! My head is getting so big from that compliment, Lisa, it’ll probably be too big to cremate/recycle if I win the contest! If Guap wins the free cremation, he’ll still have to pay to have his ashes thrown out of an airplane or bungee-jumped off a bridge. LOL!! Well that will get him out of the family reunions at least!

Please leave a comment. I need help finishing my sentences.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s