Dr. Who Me?

Last week I had to go to the doctor.  The doctor is in a town we used to live in which is two-and-a-half hours away.  The drive there was pretty uneventful given the fact that I am a nervous driver and as such tend to over think things like curves and on ramps and things of that nature.

I don’t actually close my eyes when I have to merge onto the freeway in fast, heavy traffic but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.

woman merging into traffic Linda Vernon Humor

Sometimes I think I hear honking and my heart just about stops and then I’ll realize it’s on the CD I’m listening to.  “Why is there so much honking on CD’s nowadays?”  I often yell to myself once I figure out what’s going on.

So I got to the Dr.’s office alive, a fact which the lady behind the glass seemed to think was no big whoop.  Then, I had to tell her I forgot to bring my insurance card (which I somehow lost), but something told me to lie and tell her I forgot it to lessen the blow of her indignation.  It didn’t help though.  After that, she treated me like I was a teenage, reckless driver who had just ran over her prized petunias.

mean dr. office receptionist Linda Vernon Humor
“Forgot your insurance card? Humph! Likely story!”

Anyway I finally got into the little room with my dignity semi-intact, and I noticed that the doctor had up the sign about menopause that says:  The good thing about having hot flashes is that you are one hot babe for a couple minutes, or something to that effect.

“Menopause humor makes me want to shoot my doctor!” I wanted to say when my doctor walked in. But I didn’t because I like my doctor for the most part, and I don’t own a gun.

Anyway, the nurse took my blood pressure, listened to my pulse and wrote everything down in small numbers and I had to peek to see what she was writing.  I couldn’t read her writing so I had to ask her.  Why don’t they just announce it?  The nurses always act like your blood pressure and your pulse are none of your business.

So then my doctor comes in.  She’s a real nice lady.  We go over my health, everything is fine and dandy until she brings up that my cholesterol number was too high last time.  Have I had it checked since? No.  So she decides to check it right there in the office.  Okay.

I knew the number was pretty high when she came back in and started treating me like I was a vial of nitroglycerin that could explode at any minute and wipe out all life as we know it.

Doctor:  You cholesterol is off the charts!”

Me:  You mean like “off the charts” good.  Like it’s so good it’s “off the charts?”

Doctor:  No I mean it’s so high it can’t be measured.


'I like to view the glass as being half full, just not half full of cholesterol!"
‘I like to view the glass as being half full, just not half full of cholesterol!”

Oh nuts!  Unfortunately, in my case my high cholesterol is hereditary.  So I didn’t even get to my off the chart number by eating all kinds of wonderfully decadent things that I now have to cut out.

Frankly I’m already scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to fun — food wise.  Now it looks like I’ll have to cut out even more joys, like dairy and oils and sweets and everything that makes life delicious. Sigh . . .

If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen trying to figure out how to make a Tofu milkshake.

Until next time  . . . I love you


























22 thoughts on “Dr. Who Me?

  1. My cholesterol is so high, I give oleo instead of blood. By the way, if the director of my employer’s health insurance plan reads this, I was only saying that to be funny.

    • LOL! Seb! Well at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if my blood was pure oleo, or maybe that white stuff they put in oreo cookies . . .oh great now I just made myself hungry for oreo cookies. Which I get to go have my version of an Oreo cookie otherwise known as dry toast.

  2. I recommend lying on a bed of fresh toast.
    It will wick away the cholesterol and make a tasty snack too!

    And I hope the medicine they put you on works well for you! Mine works, as long as I remember to take it.

    • Oh I’m glad it works. I know what you mean about remembering to take the pills! I’ve got to come up with some sort of system. Maybe a necklace with the pills in it and attached to a buzzer? It could be pretty if designed correctly.

  3. You made me laugh when you said the docs act like your vitals are none of your business, that’s just so true!
    As for a tofu milkshake…you can get flavoured tofu, it’s not bad you can add spinich (you don’t taste it at all) tofu, bananna, and some frozen fruits of your choice, cinnamon, steva and or honey, and yogurt…it’s a really healthy and tasty shake. 😀

  4. Wow, two and a half hours is a long drive. Must be a great doctor! 🙂

    I have that thing happening with my blood pressure. I keep telling them that my blood pressure is high because I have intense anxiety about them taking my blood pressure. They want me to take a pill for that. I have some pretty good anxiety about taking the pill, too.

    • LOL! I know they never give any thought that you might be anxious. After all who isn’t a little anxious at the doctor’s office? Of course, they would want you to take a pill! Then a pill for that pill’s side-effects!

      I tried to get a doctor here and but I can’t find anyone who is taking new patients. Otherwise I would have never driven that far!

  5. Dear Linda,
    Willow nominated me for the WordPress Family Award, which means I can nominate 10 other bloggers who I feel are part of my WordPress Family too…. So, I picked you as one of my group, though I have to admit I needed more than 10 to do justice to all the good ffolkes here on WP…. 😀 Anywho, I think you’re fab, and now all of WP knows it, too!….

    If you wish to pay the award forward, feel free, but there is no pressure to do so…. just accept my love, and have a good day… but, the rules for the award are on my blog, here: http://gigoid.me/2013/04/07/word-is-wordpress-rocks/ , or at the original creator’s site, here:  http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/

    Take care, my friend, and Blessed Be….

    gigoid, aka Ned, and glad to be your friend….

    • Ned!! for moi? How nice!! Thank you so much, my friend! I feel very fortunate to have met so many nice people in the blogging world such as yourself, Ned. I will go over and check out the other nominees too. Thanks again!

  6. I so agree about them ‘hiding’ or at the very least not telling you what your bp is .. Maybe they have me pegged as a hypochondriac and don’t want me to stress or something…Actually now I’m so brazen I ask what it was and I usually always ask for a copy of test results because they seem to be a secret too…..

    So you’re going to be ‘sweet deprived’ it seems…. Wonder how that will affect your stories…..ha!… Diane

    • Oh I should ask for a copy of my test results! After all, I paid for them! HA! Oh I don’t even want to think how my sweet deprivation is going to affect me. I’ll be so busy thinking about sweets all the time. Maybe I’ll write a bunch of dessert posts just to satisfy my sweet tooth! HA!

  7. The discoverer of Vaseline was once deathly ill and was hospitalized. He anointed his body with vaseline head to toe. He got better, probably because the nurses stopped disturbing him in the middle of the night to take his temperature, get his vitals and bug him awake. So I suggest that you toss out the pills and put vaseline all over your body. I’m sure you’ll be all better soon: with nice smooth skin!

    • LOL!! Great Advice Ronnie! As soon as I’m done typing this comment, I’m heading out for an industrial sized jar of Vaseline! I’m already anticipating my skin will look great and I probably won’t eat nearly as much because I’ll be continually slipping off the dining room chair! It’s one of those win/win situations! 😀

  8. I always close my eyes when I have to merge onto the freeway – it helps the nerves (but not my passengers’ nerves) 😀
    I’m too scared to have my cholesterol checked 😯 I’m probably off the charts as well…

    • Haha! Dianne! I can see how closing your eyes when you merge wouldn’t help you passengers nerves!! LOL!!

      I don’t really buy into the high cholesteral rigamarole, but still it’s enough of a thorn in your side to make you worry. I wish I wouldn’t have even gone to the doctor now!

  9. As someone said (at least I think someone said it) you have to die of something, and cholesterol is a lot more fun than celery!

    Maybe I said it. I don’t remember.

  10. 2 and a half hours away! Wow, that’s a long trip to the dr, just as well you don’t have high blood pressure! I hope you sort out something fun, dietwise! It’s so hard not to crave those things you miss!

    • It’s certainly not much fun. But I’ll come up with substitutes that I can live with. I don’t mind cutting out the oil so much — it’s the sweets that I miss. Sigh . . .

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