Talking Smack about the Missing Link


Hello Dear Readers! Today we are going to talk about the missing link!

As you may or may not know, scientists, archeologists, anthropologists and other groups whose professions end in “ist” have been searching for the missing link for– what seems like to you and me — thousands and thousands of years, but for them only seems like about 3 days because they are having so much fun!

But apparently, the missing link is still hiding in the last place they have yet to look!

So just what is the missing link and why is it missing?

As far as I can ascertain, the missing link is the telltale piece of evidence that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that mankind evolved from apes.

Apparently the fact that many of us eat bananas for every meal and have hair in lots and lots of unwanted places doesn’t mean diddly squat to Professional Missing Link Hunter-ists.

Every once in a while an overzealous anthropologist operating under the influence of too many Tootsie Roll Pops claims to have found the missing link. The story usually goes something like this:

Distinguished Professor of Anthropology, Dr. Flid Flad-Floid, PhD, MD, MS, MBA, ASAP, was found wandering around the Mohave desert after his wife kicked him out of their 1975 Winnebago during a heated argument over the alphabet — where he managed to trip over the fossilized wishbone of what he believed to be that of a child who was neither human nor ape, fish nor fowl — but something inbetween!

Dr. Flid Flad-Floid is no longer in possession of the fossilized wishbone in question, however, having made a wish on it (that it would, please, please be the missing link!) and completely ruined the evidence.

The Latest Missing Link Discovery

On May 29, 2009,  German Paleontologist, Jorn Hurum, discovered a missing link he named Ida, which, he says, bridges the gap between monkeys and apes and their more distant relatives lemurs (the ones who never get invited to Thanksgiving dinner).

“This is the first link to all humans,” Hurum of the National History Museum in Oslo Norway decided to say, “and Ida represents the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor without using ancestry.com.”  Hurum was stopped just short of saying.

Ida is a lemur-like skeleton featuring primate-like characteristics including grasping hands, opposable thumbs, clawless digits and a smile that would light up a room!

Missing Link, Ida, discovered in Germany at the bottom of a really big bowl of sauerkraut.
X-rays of Ida were able to shed light on the fact that the X-ray machine still works.

“From this time period, there are very few fossils, and they tend to be an isolated tooth here or maybe a tailbone there, here a bone, there a bone, everywhere a bone bone.” Hurum wishes now he would have gone on to say.

In any case scientists were able to examine fossil evidence of fur and soft tissue and even picked through the remains of Ida’s last meal; stating it tasted stale.

All the scientists involved have made a pact to remember to bring sack lunches next time.

And there you have it Dear Readers, an up to the minute report on The Missing Link!

Until next time . . . I love you

 

 

21 thoughts on “Talking Smack about the Missing Link

  1. “…here a bone, there a bone, everywhere a bone bone.” LOL!!!!!
    Can you imagine spending your life looking for the missing link? Actually, now that I think about it, I’ve probably spent the same amount of time looking for my son’s missing socks. haha! And I don’t even have a “ist” after my name! haha!

    • LOL Lisa-ist!! If you can find your sons missing socks, you can find anything. What’s really funny is the only people who seem to be searching for the missing link are men. LOL!! No wonder they haven’t found it yet. (But it does keep them off the streets.)

  2. a missing link he named Ida… so the missing link or the new version of the rib story continues?
    Like hurricanes, shall we now name links after Women?
    Was Ida the name of Dr. Flid Flad-Floid’ wife who I heard went missing after he was kicked out?
    Women’s lib move over – you are the missing link!!!

    and finally I don’t know why The Lemurs never get invited to Thanksgiving or any other functions for that matter, it’s not like their like Lepers…their Lemurs!

    • Ha ha! I love your Leper/Lemur theory! And there your have it. The age old question answered! But I don’t think Dr. Flid Flad-Floid named Ida after his long lost wife. (too bad about her mysterious disappearance). I think he named it Ida because he said:
      “Ida found it sooner if Ida been looking in the right place.” In which case Ida’s last name would be Ida as well. 😀 And thank you btw for your outstanding contribution to the body of natural sciences . . . you rock!

    • It is so satisfying when others are on the same page as you are when it comes to anthropology you can laugh at. I am so glad you found it enjoyable, Teeceecounsel! I love when that happens! 😀

    • LOL! Sooz, I’m so impressed that when the wash was done you actually had any socks left over. I know I never do! I bet you when they find the missing link he’ll be wearing 9,234,213,443 pairs of socks!

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