Hello Dear Readers! Today we are going to talk about the missing link!
As you may or may not know, scientists, archeologists, anthropologists and other groups whose professions end in “ist” have been searching for the missing link for– what seems like to you and me — thousands and thousands of years, but for them only seems like about 3 days because they are having so much fun!
But apparently, the missing link is still hiding in the last place they have yet to look!
So just what is the missing link and why is it missing?
As far as I can ascertain, the missing link is the telltale piece of evidence that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that mankind evolved from apes.
Apparently the fact that many of us eat bananas for every meal and have hair in lots and lots of unwanted places doesn’t mean diddly squat to Professional Missing Link Hunter-ists.
Every once in a while an overzealous anthropologist operating under the influence of too many Tootsie Roll Pops claims to have found the missing link. The story usually goes something like this:
Distinguished Professor of Anthropology, Dr. Flid Flad-Floid, PhD, MD, MS, MBA, ASAP, was found wandering around the Mohave desert after his wife kicked him out of their 1975 Winnebago during a heated argument over the alphabet — where he managed to trip over the fossilized wishbone of what he believed to be that of a child who was neither human nor ape, fish nor fowl — but something inbetween!
Dr. Flid Flad-Floid is no longer in possession of the fossilized wishbone in question, however, having made a wish on it (that it would, please, please be the missing link!) and completely ruined the evidence.
The Latest Missing Link Discovery
On May 29, 2009, German Paleontologist, Jorn Hurum, discovered a missing link he named Ida, which, he says, bridges the gap between monkeys and apes and their more distant relatives lemurs (the ones who never get invited to Thanksgiving dinner).
“This is the first link to all humans,” Hurum of the National History Museum in Oslo Norway decided to say, “and Ida represents the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor without using ancestry.com.” Hurum was stopped just short of saying.
Ida is a lemur-like skeleton featuring primate-like characteristics including grasping hands, opposable thumbs, clawless digits and a smile that would light up a room!
“From this time period, there are very few fossils, and they tend to be an isolated tooth here or maybe a tailbone there, here a bone, there a bone, everywhere a bone bone.” Hurum wishes now he would have gone on to say.
In any case scientists were able to examine fossil evidence of fur and soft tissue and even picked through the remains of Ida’s last meal; stating it tasted stale.
All the scientists involved have made a pact to remember to bring sack lunches next time.
And there you have it Dear Readers, an up to the minute report on The Missing Link!
Until next time . . . I love you