Welcome Dear Readers! It’s time for a dose of the Slightly Creepy Seventies. An era that always cheers us up simply due to the fact that we are not living in it!
Today’s Slightly Creepy Seventies Topic: Home Projects
Number One on the Slightly-Creepy Seventies Home Project List:
Life in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies was creepy. Times were weird. Coping was strange. That’s why the very first home project on every Slightly-Creepy Seventies handyman Dad’s list was a great, big, huge, honkin’, wine rack of epic proportions! Because nothing made the time whiz by in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies better than being incoherent.
And speaking of incoherent!
Here’s an adorable, Slightly-Creepy Seventies bedroom makeover Handyman Dad made for his little teenage daughter, Jennifer, or maybe her name’s Melissa.
Note the bitchin’ pocket-storage above the bed for those high school keepsakes, a cubby under the bed to store Captain and Tennille’s Greatest Hits , and there’s even a little desk for homework. But the main attraction is:
The Full Complimentary Bar
Oh sure, having a bar in a teenager’s bedroom by today’s standards might be considered negligent, but in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies, nobody considered anything. Things simply happened. Handyman Dad thought it would be fun to install a bar in little whats-her-name’s bedroom and install a bar he did! Who are we to judge the parenting decisions of the Slightly-Creepy Seventies?
Now it’s time For Handyman Dad to enrich the lives of his other kids (the sober ones) by building a Slightly-Creepy Seventies Outdoor Play Structure.
Oh no! It looks like the force of gravity is ten times the normal amount!! Look out little Jennifer . . . Melissa?. . . Who Cares! It looks like Slightly Creepy Seventies Handyman Dad accidentally built this Slightly-Creepy Seventies play structure over a gravitational anomaly where the perceptions of the laws of physics and gravity are in question! What are the odds? Well the odds were actually 100 % in the Slightly Creepy Seventies!
So that takes care of Slightly-Creepy-Seventies Handyman Dad’s home projects for the kids. But what about his lovely wife, Slightly-Creepy-Seventies Mary Tyler Moore?
Well, Dear Readers, pictured below is the Slightly-Creepy Seventies home project Handyman Dad’s been dreaming about since he polished off the last bottle of wine in his Slightly-Creepy Seventies wine rack (see above). Perhaps you’ve already guessed what it’s going to be . . .
If you guessed a Slightly-Creepy Seventies Nursery/Stripper Pole, Congratulations! You’re really getting the hang of the Slightly-Creepy Seventies!
And for those of you who guessed correctly, be sure to stop off at
Melissa Jennifer who care’s room and fix yourself a Tom Colins, nobody will ever know the difference anyway as they are all outside trying to extract little whatshername from the Slightly-Creepy-Seventies, Outdoor Play Structure Gravity Vortex.
And there you have it, Dear Readers, a little Slightly-Creepy Seventies to get you through the weekend.
Until next time . . . I love you
6 thoughts on “Slightly Creepy Seventies: Home Projects”
Ah, yes. The classic rack-attack. Guarantied to change your property value. AND, doubles for emergency shoe storage (helpful hint : slippers often make good wine cozies.
I love the idea of slippers for wine cozies. It’s so much less gross than drinking out of a slipper – even a glass slipper. Which sounds like a Slightly Creepy Seventies invention! Those Grimm Brothers were really ahead of their time!
I’m still mesmerised by the brutality and sheer ugliness of the Outdoor Play Structure. Daddy was obviously a prison guard in San Quentin Jail. Daughter Shelagh (never one to give up) hurls herself at it one more time just in case some previously undiscovered fun drips out. Younger son Ronnie contemplates the many reasons why his friends no longer come round and why their mom ran off with a teak oil salesman. Years later, Shelagh would head the appeals department in the IRS and Ronnie would be the first American to voluntarily donate all his limbs to medical research. You need to start young. Hey, Ho…!
Hahaha! Delightful scenario! Do you mind if I adopt “just in case some previously undiscovered fun drips out” ? I think it would fit nicely into most conversations regardless of topic. I do love the back story you’ve come up with. Little Shelagh and Ronnie, a tragic American story if ever there was one! Thanks for making the Slightly Creepy Seventies just that much more creepier, Roadwax!
Sorry – I missed your reply because I had not clicked the “notify me of replies just like I asked you five years ago but you seem to have forgotten” button.
This is our first squabble, Roadwax. I’d say it was our second but I obviously don’t remember the first one. I’m going to have to find that button. I do so want us to be happy.