Welcome, Dear Readers, to the Slightly Creepy Seventies. The decade in which babies who were dropped on their heads thirty years prior grew up to become Slightly Creepy Seventies Bedroom Designers.
File me under Zzzz.
Now here’s a typical slightly creepy seventies bizarre idea. Why not use the top of these filing cabinets as a guest bedroom? An idea that was so far ahead of it’s time that even millions of years from now there still won’t be any filing cabinet guest bedrooms.
Now let’s look at that desk. Go ahead. Take your time. (We’ve got several million years.) The caption on this picture explains that a desk extension (the one that you see there in the form of the world’s shortest ladder) has been designed in such a way as to allow an overnight guest to climb to the top of the ladder, and, while still facing the wall, launch him or herself into the air, whale-like, with a mighty backward thrust.
If the guest gets lucky, he or she will land squarely on the comfy two-inch mattress that has been lovingly provided by their slightly creepy seventies host.
I know. I can hear your next question from a million years away: “But what if guests miss the mattress completely?” Ha ha! No harm done. The good news is the open drawer on the filing cabinet will more than likely break his or her fall. But if that happens the bad news is kidney transplants haven’t been invented yet.
Good Lord! It’s a bed! Look away!!
Back in the slightly creepy seventies nothing was more hideous, more odious, more hippopotamus than looking at a cumbersome big ol’ bed sticking out in the harsh light of day smack dab in the middle of the bedroom floor for all the world to see.
Not counting the hair, clothing and pop culture of the Slightly Creepy Seventies, nothing could compare to the heartache of having to stare at a bed just sitting there stupidly and awkwardly all the livelong day. It was a bedroom design faux pas that would have made Mary Tyler Moore herself weep bitterly.
Luckily, bizarre Slightly Creepy Seventies bedroom designers solved this unsightly “bed” problem by making a bed that folded up into the wall at a moment’s notice!
“Hurry Mary Tyler Moore! Push! PUSH! We know you’re fashionably underweight by 20 to 30 pounds, but for heaven sakes, put some elbow grease into it, girl!”
That’s better Mary. Now quickly, pull out granny’s rocker and make like you’re just reading a magazine. That’s right! Just reading and rocking that’s all. Bed? What bed? Don’t know nothin’ ’bout no bed!
Don’t ask don’t tell!
What in the world is slightly creepy seventies Caroline up to? Did she rob the petty cash from the library where she works again and is hiding it in the safe she has cleverly hidden behind that picture?
Well don’t let those horn-rimmed glasses of hers fool you. Why? Because hidden behind that picture is no safe! It just so happens it’s a friggin’ state-of-the-art 12-inch Motorola color TV! Yes you heard me right with that little voice in your head that does all your reading!
And it seems our dear Slightly-Creepy-Seventies Caroline is a conservative librarian by day and a raging, out-of-control Mary Tyler Moore watching fool by night! Her secret longing? Why to turn the world on with her smile, of course. But she tells everyone she never watches TV . . . so keep it to yourself, huh?
The Circle of Life
Clearly this Slightly Creepy Seventies mom is enjoying her Slightly Creepy Seventies baby like nobody’s business. The bad news is she accidentally dropped this little guy on his head seconds after this picture was taken. The good news is he will grow up to carry on the tradition of Slight Creepy Seventies bedroom design well into the 21st Century and maybe even beyond, but probably not.
And there you have it Dear Readers. Now you can go about the rest of your day being thankful for the fact that you weren’t dropped on your head when you were a baby or, if you were, at least being thankful we’re no longer living in the Slightly Creepy Seventies.
Until next time . . . I love you