Welcome, Dear Readers, to Spill the Beans Friday where I confess personal things about myself that you may have suspected but you were much too polite to mention.
#1) I can’t type, I can’t proofread and if my life depended on spelling, I’d be dead by noone nune 2 p.m.
#2) I sugar coat my sweets addiction.
#3) I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for swings.
#4) I had an MRI once and they told me my frontal lobes are unusually small.
#5) Practically everyday I think it’s either the day before the day it actually is or the day after.
#6) Both input and imput sound right to me.
#7) I am horrible at video games. It once took me 40 minutes to successfully complete one lap in Mario Kart and why do they need so much grass anyway?
#8) I always hang back when it comes to being the bowling scorekeeper or the flag folder as I have no idea how to do either.
#9) I’ve never tried green enchilada sauce and I’m never going to unless it’s fed to me through a tube while I’m in a coma.
#10) I’ve never been in a coma.
#11) I always suspect I’m not going to have anything in common with people who give their age by saying “years young.”
#12) I’m super excited about the first two things I see in any museum and then I’m over it.
#13) I only spelled museum right in #12 because of spelcheck spellcehck, right click.
#14) If someone tells me a really long story they’ve told me before, I can never think of a polite way to say, “Yeah you already told me that” so I just listen to the whole story again.
#15) I think my horse knows more than he’s letting on.
#16) The phrase “glass of ice water” and “glass flyswatter” are pronounced exactly the same.
#17) I love I Love Lucy.
#18) I’m a food kick person — if I make chili or soup, I eat it for every meal everyday until it’s gone.
#19) I’ve never ordered coffee using the word “venti” and I never will.
#20) I’ve been kissed by Bill Murray.
#21) One time someone cut in front of me in line at the grocery store so I picked up a magazine and pretended to be reading it and pushed my cart into the back of them.
#22) I once got a flat tire while taking my daughter to school and had to walk 6 blocks home in my stocking feet.
#23) I think Amy Schumer is equal parts hilarious and unhilarious.
#24) The only newspaper I read is the wonderfully skanky Daily Mail Online.
#25) I’m not good at following movie plots. I had to watch The Talented Mr. Ripley four times before I understood what was going on. (Probably due to unusually small frontal lobes.)
#26) I once stood right behind a guy in line with tattoos all over his body while waiting to rent The Illustrated Man.
And there you have it, Dear Readers! Drop by next week for another installment of Spill the Beans Friday! And if you have anything you’d like to spill the beans about, I’m all comment boxes!
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Enjoyed the read. Keep up the great work!
Thank you! And thanks for taking the time to drop by. Much appreciated!
Ah – number 15: you have just cleared up a mystery that has been bugging me for weeks. I seem to have received a long and detailed email from a horse, sent in error to my address. Kept raving on about how “Automobile-correction institute” and “Smell-Check” would “change the equegstrian worbld onx thew keyus were madf a bity largerr”. Signed it trigger@aol.com. Makes sense now.
I’ll forward it to you.
Hmm . . . I suspect this was an indirect threat of blackmail. Have you recently purchased a huge quantity of carrots lately? Yes, by all means forward it to me and I’ll casually mention it to my horse just as soon as he’s finished figuring out my taxes.
He promised to pay for them once I sent him my bank account details. (75 pounds of Chantenay Carrots, Isle of Man to USA via UPS air freight).
I feel such a fool now.
They always look so graceful and full of zest when they are running around in slow motion inside a California paddock, lit by the gold of the evening sun.
I just want other people to learn from my experience.
Always think twice before responding to an email from a horse asking you to send them carrots. It may be an attempt to empty your bank account. Its so easy to be taken in.
Truer words were never spoken! The only good thing about it is that others may learn from your tragic story. We’ve got to figure out a way to get the word our to the unsuspecting public ASAP!!
This is fantastic!!– one of your best posts ever!! You have confirmed your exceptional charm and humanity, even tho I was convinced of same a long time ago!!
I could identify completely with: If someone tells me a really long story they’ve told me before, I can never think of a polite way to say, “Yeah you already told me that” so I just listen to the whole story again. What a pain in the rumpus that is!!
Loved the grocery line revenge story, and FWIW, I haven’t understood a movie plot since The Wizard Of Oz– and I’m not even sure about that one!!
Hahaha! It takes a real man to admit that Mark! I watch a lot of movies that when they are over I have no idea what just happened. I thoroughly enjoy them though (as far as I know).
You’re comments always give me a lift Markie MacGiggles!!