Welcome, Dear Readers, to this Sunday’s edition of The Bible According to Gregory.
Today in Sunday School, Gregory learned about the day the disciples forgot to bring the bread when they crossed the lake with Jesus. Let’s listen in as Gregory retells the lesson.
Back in the time of Jesus, before sandwiches were invented, everybody was just crazy about bread. Eating bread back then was as popular as eating Chicken McNuggets is today. Only in those days, there was no such thing as dipping sauce or condiments so everyone just had to take big dry bites right out of the loaf.
Whenever there was a potluck at the temple, everybody just brought bread or bread salad. Sometimes John the Baptist would show up with his specialty, bread smeared with honey and locusts. But nobody ever took any unless he was standing right there watching them. Then they would politely take a small piece and carefully nibble on only the parts of bread that didn’t have any honey and locusts touching it.
A few people would bring baskets of fish or fishes as they called fish in those days. People would reach into the basket of fishes and scoop up a handful and eat them like we would eat a handful of mixed nuts today. People loved eating fishes whole almost as much as they loved taking big dry bites right out of the loaf.
Sometimes at these potlucks, some Pharisees and some Sadducees would show up. These were two biblical gangs who roamed the Holy Land on their Harleys. (Part of the gang initiation was you had to change the name of your donkey to Harley.)
One day Jesus and his disciples were crossing to the other side of the lake (crossing the lake was one of the biggest past times in biblical days) where some Pharisees and Sadducees were hanging out on their Harleys, when the disciples made an unhappy discovery.
Matthew: John. Where’s the bread?
John: What bread?
Matthew: You were supposed to bring the bread with.
John: Nuh uh. Mark said he was going to bring the bread.
Mark: No. I said I was bringing the fishes.
Luke: I’ll take some fishes. I’m starving.
Mark: I already ate them all.
Mark: Sorry I ate the pig too.
When Jesus found out the disciples forgot the bread he said:
“Take care: be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.
The disciples discussed this statement among themselves:
Mark: Jesus is saying this because we didn’t bring any bread.
Luke: I’m so hungry I’d even eat a honey and locust sandwich.
Matthew: John, I could have sworn I specifically told you to bring the bread . . .
Then Jesus said:
“Why are you discussing among yourselves about not having any bread?”
Some biblical scholars say Jesus wanted to add, “Hello! Disciples! Why are you talking about me like I’m not standing right here.” but concluded Jesus didn’t say that because He would have been way too polite.
Then Jesus said:
“Don’t you remember when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand men? How many baskets did you fill?
John: Uh . . . I forgot my abacus at home, sorry . . .
Jesus: And what about the seven loaves for the four thousand men? How many baskets did you fill?
John: Uh . . . let’s see . . . it’s on the tip of my tongue . . .
Jesus: How about you, Mark, you have your hand up. Do you know?
Mark: No I was just scratching my head.
Jesus: How is it that you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread?
Luke: Uh . . . because we’re not real bright?
Jesus: Guard yourselves from the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees!
Then the disciples realized that Jesus wasn’t talking about actual yeast but was warning them about the teachings of the Pharisees and the Sadducees.
And the twelve stomaches of the twelve disciples growled all the way home.