Welcome, Dear Readers, to this Sunday’s edition of The Bible According to Gregory.
Today in Sunday School, Gregory learned about how all of Noah’s descendants got together to build the Tower of Babel, and he couldn’t help imagining how that might have happened.
The Tower of abel-Bay
Even though Noah lived to be 950 years old, he never topped the time he saved the animal kingdom and mankind from extinction. Still, he kept busy puttering in his vineyard and joking with his sons about how many grandkids it would take to put oil in a lamp.
After awhile though, there were so many kids being born that parents quickly ran out of the easy to pronounce names, like Gomer, and had to resort to giving them names that were so hard to pronounce everybody just called everybody else “hey you in the robe.”
Then they all wandered around together veering east, until they came to a really nice valley in the land of Shi’nar so they decided to build a city there and call it Babylon in lieu of Shi’nar — thus circumventing thousands of years of annoying apostrophe placement questions in one simple decision.
Hey you in the robe #1: Hey everybody! Doesn’t this look like a really nice place to build a city? Let’s name it Babylon.
Hey you in the robe #2: Why Babylon?
Hey you in the robe #1: Because we’re all more or less a baby of Noah.
Hey you in the robe #2: Okay that explains the baby — but why the lon?
Hey you in the robe #1: Lon means city.
Hey you in the robe #2: No it doesn’t!
Hey you in the robe #1: What are you, an attorney?
Hey you in the robe #2: I’m a linguist.
Hey you in the robe #1: How’s business?
Hey you in the robe #2: Pretty slow what with everyone speaking the same language using the same words and whatnot.
Hey you in the robe #1: Dude, you’re complicating my buzz!
Hey you in the robe #2: Come again?
And thus it was decided to build a city and call it Babylon, and it was also decided to build a tower with its “top in the heavens” so that they could make a name for themselves by replacing the banner that said “If you lived here you’d be home now!” with whatever their names were.
Hey you in the robe #1: What do you want to build the city out of?
Hey you in the robe #2: Let’s make bricks and stick them together with tar! What’s wrong, you look disappointed?
Hey you in the robe #1: I was kind of hoping we’d use Legos.
Hey you in the robe #2: Come again?
After the city and the tower were built, the Lord came down for a site inspection.
Hey you in the robe #1: Well how do you like it, Lord?
But the lord only answered by saying out loud to himself and his new heavenly companions that he met on Faceofgodbook, “This is just the beginning of what they will do, soon they will be able to do anything they want! Let us go down and mix up the languages so that they will not understand each other.”
Hey you in the robe #1: Hey you in the robe #2, what did the Lord mean when he said that?
Hey you in the robe #2: Icksnay on the Owertay!
Hey you in the robe #1: Come again?
Hey you in the robe #2: Lord no likee. We’re all being ansferredtray.
Hey you in the robe #1: Where toski?
Hey you in the robe #2: evelandclay.
Hey you in the robe #1: Oway itshay!
Hey you in the robe #1: You can say that againski!
And there you have it, Dear Readers, how Gregory imagined what really happened at the Tower of Babel. Be sure to check back next Sunday to see what Gregory learns in Sunday School!
Until next time . . . I love you
10 thoughts on “Gregory’s Bible Stories: The Tower of abel-Bay”
Three cheers for Gregory I shall…I have been reading your Sunday blogs by the way just that in a new (to us – built 1899!) very old house we’ve been ‘doing things’ to make it a decent place to live…anyway how the devil are you Linda?
Wow! 1899! That is old! Sounds like a lot of work but a lot of fun too. I have been great! How have you been Mike? You are really going great guns on your blog!
Bubshkliski von trump God schnitzel Babylon snickerdoodle!!
You can say that againski!
*wipes tears of mirth from eyes* Oh I want to live inside the mind of Linda Vernon.
Amnday, atthay asway unnyfay!
So glad you liked this one Lily. I must say I had a ton of fun with it. And you are cordially invited to move inside my head if you don’t mind a lot of rattling and echoes and whatnot.
If you don’t like that tower, you can always bid for a new one on E-Bay-bel.
E-Bay-bel! My new go-to tower shopping online destination!
So, who actually built the tower, made the bricks, cooked the lunches, carried away the sewage, etc.? Volunteers? Slaves? Prisoners of war? Were they paid, and if so with what? How many workers died constructing the city/tower? How long did the construction take? Who supervised? What was Yahweh’s problem?
Such good questions! I love thinking about the everyday practicality of the Bible. The Bible includes all the names and where everybody came from but no mention of how they actually went about the day to day tasks of getting anything done!