I know it’s hard to believe, but after carefully examining the above peculiarly worded cookbook from the 1960’s — it quickly became apparent to me that this is not a cookbook at all, but, in actuality, is a scientific study of the human race conducted by aliens from the planet Zorin!
Shall we turn to the first page?
Sandwiches for the Small Fry
As you can see by this heading, the aliens are going to great pains to make us believe that they have full command of English language idioms. Apparently they think these children are idioms. Apparently they think the entire human race are idioms!
The aliens go on to explain to their fellow Zorinians that sandwiches in the small fry’s “carried lunch” should be “made of bread” and that fruit should be eaten out of the small fry’s “hands” and that “milk should be sent from home in a small vacuum bottle”.
The aliens stressed that Zorinians should not confuse “Small Frys” with “small order of fries” even though both are equally delicious.
Let us move on (quickly!):
Taste Tempters for Teens
After much concentrated study, the aliens have ascertained that this is a fair representation of the typical eating behavior of the human “teen”. And they go on to state that “teen-agers are a mystery” — adding that “boy or girl their appetites are immense” even “staggering.” The report emphasizes that human “teenagers” have a “bottomless appetite” and an “endless thirst.” Information that probably raised a Zorinian eyebrow or two (or seven).
The aliens were careful not to get too close.
Next the aliens attempt to enlighten Zorinians about the mystifying behavior of:
Picnic Packables:
As you can see from this heading, when it comes to alliteration, the aliens are definitely on-board the human-language train! Even going so far as to use the word, “packables”. Well they aren’t billions of years more advanced than us for nothin’!
At first, the aliens were in total disarray as to what the father figure pictured above was doing. But after intensified study, the aliens came to the conclusion that this particular human being’s lower appendages had collapsed by a whopping fifty percent (perhaps from carting around Picnic Packables?) and when that happens, human beings must squeeze a circular object with their “hands” for prolonged periods of time in order to restore proper appendage positioning.
The aliens got a good laugh out of this one!
Well that’s all we have time for today, Dear Reader, but rest assured there are plenty more Secret Studies by Zorinians about the Human Race hiding within the pages of 1960 cookbooks and I plan to expose every single one of them or be abducted trying!
That is my pledge to you.
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
I love the saucy picture of the teens with the much-fabled apple. Provocative, deep, and communicative of their “immense” appetites.
Spoken like a true English Literature Major! I don’t know if you are but you can certainly sound like one if the need arises! Like when when posting comments about Zorinians!
Very nice
Thanks Vina. 🙂
Not a problem
LOL – I love your zaniness ! I have never met anyone that can make the things you do out of these publications – we are so lucky to have your insight to educate us! LOL – yes again…..it’s wonderful how you see these things….chuckle, giggle…. oh these aren;t to be confused with the aliens on the moon? or are they ? eh I will be voraciously reading. You are an erudite interpreter of ALien educational material – disguised as cookbooks no less – maybe it’s a text book of food sources for the aliens -somewhere on there in alienese the title is; The Diet of our Diet? or You are what you Eat, Understanding ourselves by Understanding our Food’s Food…
Lizzie!! Hahaha! “You are what you Eat, Understanding Ourselves by Understanding our Food’s Food!” The title of my first book about the Zorinians! Thank you for calling me erudite! That’s the biggest compliment I’ve had all week, oh . . . who am I kidding . . . it’s the biggest compliment I’ve ever had! And it also gives me a grand idea for my next post. Thank you Lizzie! Bwaha ha ha ha ha (wait one too many ha’s – pay no attention to that last ha!)
The aliens are among us! I personally think that everyone running during this presidential election is an alien. Not to mention ALL of our local newscasters.
I must say, those teenagers are wacky! All that is missing from that picture is a gal sitting upside down on the couch chatting on her phone to Sally about Bobby pinning her at last night’s social.
Hahahahaha! And the girl has to be wearing flats with with her legs crossed at the ankles with her hair in a ponytail! Boy Boy Birdie! Jackie you’re a GAS!
I’m with you, Linda. This has aliens written all over it. I noticed right away that the first picture has fresh meat cuts from the butcher displayed in close proximity to the beverages. No human would do that unless, wait a minute, those aren’t meats from the butcher, those are SMALL FRYS!!!!!
(cut to: Alien with SEVEN raised eyebrows.)
Hahaha! You don’t think they wanted the reader to use Handi-Wrap, do you?
Seriously, you crack me up : D The sad thing is I probably could use a refresher course on how to make a decent sandwich! ha!
Hahahaha! Lisa. Cue Jaws music . . .Small Frys!!!! hahahaha. There is definitely an alien Handi-Wrap agenda going on. I just can’t make heads, tails or seven eyebrows of it! Your comment made me laugh out loud! I’m going to go make a sandwich now . . . correction I’m going to go TRY to make a sandwich now! : D
Not so far off the mark as you may have thought it was….I refer you to a science fiction short story called “To Serve Man”, by Damon Knight; it was also made into a Twilight Zone episode, and is currently being remade….great concept! Funny stuff, as always…. I think I’m getting a handle on your sense of humor; I can tell by the title of your posts that it is yours; lizziecracked also. Take care of Peanuts and 37…..
I’ll have to find that somewhere and read it. I’ve seen that Twilight Zone and it is really good. Oh I’m so happy to hear they’re in the process of making a new one! I hope it’s a movie! That would be worth going to the actual “movie house” for! And I’m so glad your are getting the hang of the humor over at this side of the blogosphere continent! We tend to live on the other side of the international humor time zone. If you’re not prepared for it, it can be rather off the wall! Ha ha! But it’s great fun! Have a great rest of the day, Ned! 🙂
Hi,
The aliens were very wise not to get too close. 🙂
Ha ha! Yes! I wouldn’t either if I were them!
Ah ha! You have revealed the aliens achilles heel.
The Zorinians seem to believe that human youth prefer thin bread slices, presented in small sections. Not so. This lapse in basic Big Mac awareness would be a dead give-away.
Send some milk? Oops. They blew that one too. Milk as we know it is no longer recognizable by the human body. I do not know what it is, but only a Zorinian will think it is “milk”. Unless they converge on us by way of Amish farm, the Zorinians will stick out like a twitching eyeball.
Fruit? They think the kids eat fruit these days?
Linda, this kind of investigative journalism could very well put you at risk of abduction. If you are abducted by aliens, squeeze a ball firmly with both hands and ask for an apple. This should lower their guard so you can make your escape.
Lyndi, you have made some very — shall I say, professional points here! Your obvservations are quite astute! May I ask what you do you do for a living? Excuse me I have to CIAsneeze . . . .The squeeze ball apple bait and switch eh? Yeah it could work! I’ll have to include it in my “how to prevent abductions” post I’m compiling! Thank you for your help!!
GesundheCIAt.
Squat and pee as you squeeze the ball.
Yes that goes without saying, surely.
You know, I been thinkin’. It might have been prudent to have written that last remark as “For the element of surprise, squat and pee as you squeeze the ball”. Eeh gads Lyndi.
I have to disagree it was PERFECT! You are so much fun Lyndi!! 🙂 🙂
Wow! I love Alien Stories… this is great stuff and funny too 🙂 I look forward to it 🙂
And so my dear sweet and funny Linda as you would like to know you are one of those blogger buddies of mine who inspired me so I hope you’d accept this token of appreciation from me:: http://allaboutlemon.com/2012/03/08/very-inspiring-blogger-award/
Thank you so much
Dolly xoxo
So glad you liked it Dolly! Thank you so much for the award. You are so good to me!!! And reading your kind words makes me feel so good and have definitely gotten my weekend off to a stellar start! Truly! You always inspire me too! 🙂
And you’re very welcome 🙂 Enjoy your weekend!
The humans look wonderful!
But no recipes on how to prepare them?
Zorinians don’t know anything about cookbooks!
they can actuallly be a little bitter I think the idea of this “cookbook” might have been to get them eating better so they taste better..???
Ha! That’s gotta be it! Especially when it comes to applies! 🙂
wow..those aliens are even sneakier than we thought……LINDA!!! BBFF!!! hiiiiiiiii… I’m happy to see you!
I’m afraid the Zorinians are dumber than the Farengis!
Hilarious! Thank you for the laugh!
Your welcome! Thanks for coming by! 🙂
What I wanna know is, where did those cookbook publishers get that photo of me and my sister walking to school?? Yes, I was a natural blond back then, at least until that regrettable incident with the shoe polish…
P.S. I used to carry my Hostess Twinkies in that plaid bag.
P.P.S. I still do.
P.P.P.S. The Zorinians are gonna get you for this! : )
That’s so funny that the picture looks like you and your sister because I thought it looked like me and my brother — not kidding! I guess all children looked alike back then. Shoe polish or no! I wish I had a plaid bag for my Hostess Twinkies! You lucky duck! Of course, plaid Hostess Twinkie bags have gotta be a Zorinian magnet and your just screaming for an abduction, Mark, carrying one of those around! Better go make a tin foil hat ASAP! 🙂
[…] secretly study humanity under the guise of a 1960s sandwich recipe […]