Hyper Fitness


I was standing behind a lady in line yesterday who was wearing a jacket with the word “Hyperfit” written on the back.

Correct me if I’m wrong (not really), but isn’t something that is a “hyperfit” seem like it’s going to fit 1) so snugly it will hike up in all the wrong places or 2) keep wandering around in places it was never meant to go?

Either way it sounds like it’s going to be annoying, doesn’t it?

Hey, I  just looked up Hyperfit on The Goog and guess what?  It’s a fitness center! A fitness center that has an adorable skull and crossbones for a logo. Go look! (But come right back I’m not finished with you yet.)  www.hyperfitusa.com.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to pay big bucks (plus soul) to work out until I drop dead as much as the next person. But apparently you have to “try out” for the privilege of doing this at Hyperfit USA. They make it abundantly clear that this is not a gym for the faint of heart (muscle).  No siree Bob.  These people mean business people!

Ok, so let’s just think about this for a minute. (This would be an ideal time to throw that load of laundry into the dryer, get more coffee and come back while I think something up).

Ok, you ready now?  I didn’t think of anything while you were gone, but I did look at the Hyperfit USA website a little more and here’s some actual comments from their “What People Are Saying”  link:

“If you want to have someone dedicated to seeing you reach your goal, Doug is the man you want to talk to.”

That’s probably because Doug likes to sit at the juice bar and watch people exercising.  This guy has seen so many people reach their goals, he’s completely lost count.

“This place will get you into the best shape of your life, unless you were a professional athlete.”

In which case this place will get you into the worst shape of your life.

“. . .  It would be impossible to not enjoy working out here, aside from the brutality of the workouts, but that is what really brings everyone together anyway . . .”

That’s because the emergency room is a great place to bond with people and make new friends!

  “. . . Great training, great people, great facility, great results.”

Membership also includes unlimited use of the word “great” which is great!

”  . . . HyperfitUSA is a collection of some of the best people you will find anywhere . . . “
If you don’t count the Smithsonian Institute, that is.
“Hands down, the best gym around for miles . . . “
You could go five miles in any direction and NEVER find a gym as good! So just forget about it already.
“Head and tails over any “regular” gym.”
Uh . . . that’s probably because people at “regular” gyms don’t have tails . . Hello!
“No spandex and hair fluffing here…HYPERFIT is the best.”
Oh sure there are people who wear spandex, and there are people who fluff their hair, but absolutely no people who wear spandex AND fluff their hair at Hyperfit USA. Thank goodness!
I’m going to go fluff my hair now.
Until next time . . . I love you

2 thoughts on “Hyper Fitness

  1. Hyperfit sounds hyper-annoying. The skull and cross bone logo…wow. How hip and cool they are. Working out is apparently dangerous and thrilling now.

    Remember how annoying the women who worked at the fitness center in Sonora were? The lady who ran the front desk was a life sized over tan string bean who was so excited to see us, she might have died and come back to life every single time we walked in. God I hated her.

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