I was doing great, weight-wise, until I discovered the individual slices of cake that they sell in the bakery at the grocery store. I got hooked on the white cake with the white frosting. It’s delicious owing to the fact that it has 100 grams of sugar and 1000 calories in each and every piece. I keep hoping the food police will make a law against it, and it just won’t be there tempting me when I go grocery shopping, but so far no such luck.
I try to avoid stores where they sell it, but that’s only part of the problem. I now have my daughter and her husband, Matt, hooked on white cake. The other night we were playing Scrabble when the subject arose.
Matt: “Who could go for some white cake?”
Nikki: “I could go for some white cake!”
Me: “I could go for some white cake!”
37: “I could go for some chocolate cake.”
(37 is my husband who is thin and who, even if he wasn’t thin, doesn’t even like white cake, but who can eat all the chocolate cake he wants and it doesn’t matter one little bit because he’s thin and always will be which I don’t have any problem with except for the fact that he makes me sick.)
So Matt goes for some white cake and actually squealed his tires as he was pulling out to get it.
I went to an afternoon tea the other day. What did I bring? White cake.
My daughter is getting married in September, and what am I already looking forward to eating? White cake.
At this point there doesn’t seem to be any easy solution to my White Cake Conundrum. So I’m doing what I always do when I am eating too much . . . give up the white cake completely. Oh yeah right . . . who am I kidding? No, I’ll simply do a little extra exercise or extracise, if you will, to burn off those extra 5000 calories and 500 hundred grams of sugar I’m now consuming on a weekly basis.
Now let’s see . . . Since I’m a 59-year-old grandmother whose metabolism is officially equal to that of an air fern, I’m gong to have to figure this thing out mathematically.
I am now calculating how many miles I will have to walk each week to keep white cake in my life without gaining any weight.
So let’s see here: 1000 calories multiplied by 100 grams of sugar equals 100,000 divided by 1951 (the year I was born) equals 512.55 which would be rounded up to 513 miles divided by 52 weeks a year which means I’d only have to walk 9.8 miles a week divided by 7 equals 1.4 miles each day.
Which is basically what I’m already walking each day anyway (give or take a mile).
Well that was easy.
You’ll have to excuse me now, the white cake store just called and there’s some white cake with my name on it and it’s calling my name.
Until next time . . . I love you