My Karma’s hit a snafu
My third eye’s on the blink
My Chakra lights are dimming
And my Guru is a fink
My mantra it has asthma
My Buddha’s out to lunch
To top it off my psychic’s got
Her bloomers in a bunch
My levitation doesn’t work
My Medium’s not rare
My Kirlian Photography
Just makes me want to swear!
My paradigm it doesn’t shift
My Om has left the room
My stupid cosmic consciousness
Is full of doom and gloom
My ESP is DOA
My dowser is a louse
My Astral Body’s far too fat
My aura wears a blouse!
So to you all I bid adieu
And hope you won’t be bitter
But when it comes to New Age stuff
My higher self’s a quitter
21 thoughts on “Confessions of a New Age Failure”
I am all those thing except replaced with bitter. Mondaysss….ugh almost as bad as Tuesdays.
I read your comment while drinking my morning coffee and it seemed to get a little more bitter, Ben. Which I like! Plus today is Almost as Bad Tuesday. So it’s a win/win bitter-wise.
And now it’s Tuesday and it is even worse. I have to pretend to work today and that makes me bitter!
I agree…. I’ll take the ‘old age’ anytime… Diane
Linda – you just rocked the new age poets, I think. Well done!
Hi Trent! Ah! Thanks. And you rock Canada!
Reblogged this on People We Know and commented:
My optometrist recommended Foster Grant third-eye sunglasses. I hear they are quite the rage on the Ganges Riviera.
Oh really! I bet he gets a big discount too!
Brilliant, my lady… You MUST send this to Punch, and, some of the other avant-garde magazines of a spiritual bent. I’d wager they’d print it in a heartbeat; if not them, I’d put big money on MAD magazine snapping it up…. It reminds me of a poem by Paul Coelho, which I happened to use the other day, about being a Warrior of Light…. this looks at the same idea from a whole different perspective, but, is nonetheless accurate for all that…. Sharp, biting wit, with a light-hearted touch… again, brilliantly conceived humor, doing what it does best, poking fun at the gullible and foolish…
gigoid, the dubious….
“Mad magazine snapping it up” now that is the ultimate compliment to a person such as myself, Ned. And thank you so much for your kind and supportive words!
O, ye of small tolerance for sobriety….
I always enjoy coming to your site to comment; the comments of the other readers are often as entertaining as the piece itself, offering one such as myself a multitude of opportunities to play off what is said… I have to apply heavy restraint to not spend too much time answering them, or, I’d be here all day…. For example, I loved the comment from rgayer55, about the Foster Grants for his 3rd eye. At least four snappy responses almost got typed in, before I caught myself…. such as the query which occurred to me first, to wit: Are those FG’s to soften the too-bright light of illumination, or are they merely rose-colored?…. Just wondering….
Ned, aka, gigoid. the playfully dubious
Oops… Forgot to mention; I stole the great picture of the laughing Buddha, to use for a pearl… Thanks for that. You’ll get a pingback when it’s posted….
gigoid, the honestly dubious
Ha! Rose colored indeed! Now that line needs to become one of your Pearls. And the sparkling comments that are left here always make the writing well worth effort. Oh and by the way, Russel Gayer has an hilarious book of essays out — The Perils of Heavy Thinking — it’s on Amazon. I think you’d really like it, Ned
Cool, thanks for the title; I’ll put it on my STR list, to pick up after I finish the 6 books ahead of it (3 of which were also written by other WP blogger buddies…). I will get to it, though, I always enjoy Russell’s comments…. Hmm, a bit of synchronicity there… My middle name is Russell, and I know the perils whereof he writes…. (Oh, STR = stuff to read list)
Hmm… I think you’re right, but, I think it will make a good TITLE for a Daily Pearl… It fits. I can see it now ….. “Are those Foster Grants to block out the light of illumination, or are they just rose-colored?….” In fact, thanks for pointing that out; I’ll go put it into the template right now…. Yay! I love working ahead….
Love your doodles and you!!
Thank you so much Pink. Just went to visit your blog and it looks like you’ve got a whole new website?
Greetings! Haha.. its changed a bit but hopefully not too much… haven’t been writing as much as I could… but I still enjoy your doodles!
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